Happy Saturday! I returned from vacation on Sunday, so this week felt especially long to me. All week, I kept dreaming of sleeping in, but I got up early this morning and made the trek to the “good” grocery store. You have to get there early, or you are forced to deal with shit tons of people. Thankfully I missed most of the masses.
I went to Phoenix last week to meet the bff. We often get together the first days of March Madness and celebrate our birthdays (falls in the middle). After this winter, we both knew we needed to head somewhere with warm weather. We made the right decision. The weather was perfect. We caught a spring training game, and I was able to meet one of my childhood idols, Bobby Dernier (the Deer). He played for the Cubs back in the day. I was actually teary eyed. He was the nicest man, even taking a picture with me. I sent it to my husband, and he knew who it was the instant he saw it. Amy and I always seem to run into the best of luck when we travel, and our tickets were no exception. We had great seats for an unbelievable deal. That night we ended up at a total dive sports bar, just like we like it. The waitress came over and took our order. I then went to the bathroom and as I’m sitting in the stall, I hear the bathroom door open. The waitress yells, “What kind of bread did you want on your sandwich?” I shit you not….funniest thing ever.
The next day we were able to lay out in the sun. I swear to you, it was like I could feel the vitamin D running through my blood. We then set out for a day of watching March Madness games with my brother-in-law and his wife. I hadn’t seen them in many years, and I really enjoyed spending time with them. They were great hosts to Amy and I.
Our last day, we set out for Sedona. I have always wanted to go there, and it was just as I imagined. We went hiking, but I was really nervous going into it. I had aggravated my knee in boot camp a few weeks earlier, and I’d been feeling it ever since. The weekend before was the boot camp 5k. I ran a little of it but mostly walked. I felt every single thing that ails my body during that 5k. Whenever I would run, my knee felt as if it would go out from under me. I was way last, which didn’t bother me at all. I knew I was doing the best I could. I was really worried about my time, because I felt as if I hadn’t been making progress. When I crossed the finish line, my time was better than I thought, and I just put my head down and cried. I had no idea it was coming. The emotion that has been wrapped up in my healing and a body I’ve failed with gaining weight, all hit me. So, as we set out to hike, I told Amy not to expect much from me. I thought we’d go a few miles. There was a point on the map, that we wanted to make if possible, but really didn’t think it was a possibility. As we got into it, I didn’t want to let her down by not making it (when really she would not have been let down at all). It ended up being further than expected and a lot of it on some nasty terrain. I pushed myself when I didn’t think I could take another step. We made it! It was so beautiful….tearing up just thinking of that accomplishment. We didn’t take water with us, because we didn’t think we were going far….so we were dying. We found some fresh water at the top, and water had never tasted so good. All told we went about 9 miles and according to my fitbit (138 flights of stairs). I really had no idea I could do something like that at this stage of the game. It was well worth the hella sore calves we both had for many days. I will always remember this hike. The whole vacation was wonderful, and may have to make this a yearly thing.
My oldest will be graduating high school in May. It is hitting me like a ton of bricks…. I was listening to the Obvious Child the other day on the way to work. It’s one of my all-time favorite songs, and I’ve heard it a thousand times. This time the lyrics hit differently and I began to cry. We had a lot of fun. We had a lot of money. We had a little son and thought we’d call him Sonny. Sonny gets married and moves away. Sonny has a baby and bills to pay. Sonny get sunnier day by day by day. So yeah, this is going to be a really rough stretch. Ryne also turns 18 the same week as graduation. He has really grown up this year, and it is so fun to watch. He did a play for the first time (we couldn’t see that coming at all). He experiences life in such a great way. He has his first serious girlfriend, and they really seem to like each other. Ryne was just accepted to the University that was his first choice. There is a lot coming at us all so quickly. I think back to my senior year of high school, and it was the most fun time of my life. My cousins Holley and Jouni graduated the same year, and there was a big dinner at my Aunt Fern’s after graduation. The whole family came out (and there’s a lot of us Indians). I don’t remember a lot about the ceremony itself or the all-night lock in party at the school afterwards. I remember that dinner and how wonderful it was. I have been very sad that we are so far away from family. I’ve really felt it this past year but especially now. I wish Ryne could experience the same happiness I did during that dinner. I know it will still be great for him, and we will do our best to surround him with those out here who love him.
Work continues to be challenging but I’m liking it. Well, as much as I can enjoy something while being chained to a desk anyway. When I interviewed for the job, I thought it was over my head – even thought about turning it down. I haven’t felt that way since being there, and especially lately, there has been some really great feedback about my performance. I’ll be going to the U.K. soon for work, and this is the first time my position has made that trip. I feel really grateful to work at a place where I feel so appreciated. I still miss the people from my old job, but am so happy I left the position I was in.
I wish I could leave it all at it what I’ve written, but that isn’t true to how I’ve kept this blog. There is a lot of great in my life, which make the fact that I still fight depression so shitty. There are days I’ve had to give in to it, going to bed really early or whatever, but mostly I fight it with all I have. Things seem to be getting better lately. I always keep it in perspective of the fact that it will never be as bad as when I was sick with the potassium deficiency. My brain was so sick, and I will never forget that- coming up on a year ago. This is manageable and I’m still able to find good in every day. I just have to work harder some days than others. I make sure I get out with friends about once a week. I went on the trip with Amy. I spend a lot of time at home with the family. I make sure to do the things I need to not get swallowed up by this. As I said, it is getting better. I’ve had an approach that seems to help. This summer will go a long way to putting this behind me as well. I’m excited to hike. I can’t wait just to sit on the deck and feel the warm air. The weather is getting there, even though I cussed a the few snowflakes I saw this morning. This is going to be one of my favorite summers. I can feel it….
I’ll let you go and enjoy your weekend. Thanks for reading. I enjoy this outlet, even though I often stop myself from writing here. Writing is a healthy thing for me.