I'm officially another year older. And guess what?! I didn't freak the fuck out. Hey, I'll take that. For the first time in many years, the thought of a birthday didn't completely freak me out. I'm not really sure why it didn't but hey, I'll take it!
This birthday was a bit crazy...The best kind of crazy, though. It started a couple of days before my birthday when a good friend sent me flowers at work. It really took me be surprise, and I loved the truly sweet card. Yeah, I cried like a little bitch. It just continued from there. I heard from so many people. I really felt and accepted the love. Saturday (actual birthday) the boys (which ended up mostly being Brian) made me breakfast in bed. It was supposed to be a surprise, but Brian told me ahead of time. Plus, he had to go pick Ryne up (who was initially supposed to be involved), so I ended up making a lot of it. But really, it was a super sweet gesture, and Caleb got a huge kick out of bringing it to me (I went back to bed, so they could bring it to me there :) It turned out really good! It was the sweetest thought the boys have had. Again, it was water works. Brian bought me a really nice purse. While I was eating breakfast, flowers arrived from another friend. The card again made me cry.
After the morning festivities, I headed to Chicago to spend the rest of the weekend with my cousin Jouni. Holy Moly did she have a fabulous weekend planned. She totally treated me like a princess. A girl could get used to that! That's Jouni in the picture. Boy, she worked miracle to get the angle just right on this photo. Anyway, hands down, it was one of my favorite weekends ever.
Yeah, so the weight issue has really been all consuming lately. Actually almost everything has been all consuming. I've been feeling overwhelmed by life. I know I have to make changes. I am so incredibly grateful to be bringing home a paycheck, but what I wouldn't give to actually enjoy my job... I've done this long enough to know that purchasing is not going to be anything that leaves me feeling fulfilled. Lately, I've taken a step back from the book. A friend is going to critique it, but she is super busy, so I've been trying to be patient, but I can't sit around and wait. So, I'm going to start on another edit. I was hoping to have it off to an editor by now, but I know I need to get that word count down...so I should take another look at it on my own. The less words, the less I need to pay someone. The book is a light at the end of the tunnel, I guess. I would so love to be able to do something that I enjoy for a living. I'm very aware, that the whole process is more than likely to cost me a lot more than I make, but I love being able to dream. It's so funny that it took me all of this time to allow myself even the option of dreaming.
I've been feeling overwhelmed nearly every where else in life, too. I know I can be a better parent/wife...and I'm working on it.
I could be a better friend to some, too. Yeah, they'll be the first to tell you that, I'm sure. Let me rethink that...no, they wouldn't tell you that. But they tell me in certain ways. For whatever reason, I just don't have it in me right now. On the other hand, I feel like I'm too much for another friend. That's pretty much a bad feeling. I feel like I open myself up too much, and it's not something that feels great on me. I need to figure that one out.
Overall, I just know the feeling of constantly feeling overwhelmed is too much for me right now. I think I need to tackle the one thing that I have the power to take complete control over...and that's my diet....Except for the picture above, I hate every single picture of myself...it exposes what I am....The fat doesn't define who I am as a person, but it's what's right there in pictures. There's no disputing what I look like...I pray that I can get a hold of this, and hopefully it will help me feel more in control and lead me to better things in the other areas I feel overwhelmed in. It's hard to be confident, when you're ashamed of your body and appearance.
This birthday was a bit crazy...The best kind of crazy, though. It started a couple of days before my birthday when a good friend sent me flowers at work. It really took me be surprise, and I loved the truly sweet card. Yeah, I cried like a little bitch. It just continued from there. I heard from so many people. I really felt and accepted the love. Saturday (actual birthday) the boys (which ended up mostly being Brian) made me breakfast in bed. It was supposed to be a surprise, but Brian told me ahead of time. Plus, he had to go pick Ryne up (who was initially supposed to be involved), so I ended up making a lot of it. But really, it was a super sweet gesture, and Caleb got a huge kick out of bringing it to me (I went back to bed, so they could bring it to me there :) It turned out really good! It was the sweetest thought the boys have had. Again, it was water works. Brian bought me a really nice purse. While I was eating breakfast, flowers arrived from another friend. The card again made me cry.
After the morning festivities, I headed to Chicago to spend the rest of the weekend with my cousin Jouni. Holy Moly did she have a fabulous weekend planned. She totally treated me like a princess. A girl could get used to that! That's Jouni in the picture. Boy, she worked miracle to get the angle just right on this photo. Anyway, hands down, it was one of my favorite weekends ever.
Yeah, so the weight issue has really been all consuming lately. Actually almost everything has been all consuming. I've been feeling overwhelmed by life. I know I have to make changes. I am so incredibly grateful to be bringing home a paycheck, but what I wouldn't give to actually enjoy my job... I've done this long enough to know that purchasing is not going to be anything that leaves me feeling fulfilled. Lately, I've taken a step back from the book. A friend is going to critique it, but she is super busy, so I've been trying to be patient, but I can't sit around and wait. So, I'm going to start on another edit. I was hoping to have it off to an editor by now, but I know I need to get that word count down...so I should take another look at it on my own. The less words, the less I need to pay someone. The book is a light at the end of the tunnel, I guess. I would so love to be able to do something that I enjoy for a living. I'm very aware, that the whole process is more than likely to cost me a lot more than I make, but I love being able to dream. It's so funny that it took me all of this time to allow myself even the option of dreaming.
I've been feeling overwhelmed nearly every where else in life, too. I know I can be a better parent/wife...and I'm working on it.
I could be a better friend to some, too. Yeah, they'll be the first to tell you that, I'm sure. Let me rethink that...no, they wouldn't tell you that. But they tell me in certain ways. For whatever reason, I just don't have it in me right now. On the other hand, I feel like I'm too much for another friend. That's pretty much a bad feeling. I feel like I open myself up too much, and it's not something that feels great on me. I need to figure that one out.
Overall, I just know the feeling of constantly feeling overwhelmed is too much for me right now. I think I need to tackle the one thing that I have the power to take complete control over...and that's my diet....Except for the picture above, I hate every single picture of myself...it exposes what I am....The fat doesn't define who I am as a person, but it's what's right there in pictures. There's no disputing what I look like...I pray that I can get a hold of this, and hopefully it will help me feel more in control and lead me to better things in the other areas I feel overwhelmed in. It's hard to be confident, when you're ashamed of your body and appearance.
This picture was taken the same night as the one above...This is shot from above to help hide the chins...and I still look like this. There are worse, but yeah...I'm not going to pull those off my phone. I've got a lot of work ahead of me. That's for sure.
So, cheers to a healthier us. May this day find you happy and healthy.
Much Love,
Jen
So, cheers to a healthier us. May this day find you happy and healthy.
Much Love,
Jen
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