This was totally the topic of conversation last week when we had a weigh in at work. Several of us enrolled in this weight loss competition sponsored by a local hospital. It's really actually a neat deal. It's free and there are some prizes. They come to the work place and weigh you in, etc. It would be super great if I weren't a pound heavier than when we started a couple of months ago. A bunch of people from work have been doing Cross Fit and have actually gained weight on this (muscle) while losing inches. Even though they are getting healthier, they are still frustrated at not seeing the scale go down. The scale...that number...has such power over us. And let me tell you, the thought of that scale last week, on day 1 of Aunt Flow about pushed me over the edge. Anxiety swept over me....and the pressure of going in there...because I'd committed to it. I finally bucked up and the 3 pound gain this month, to offset and then add to the two I'd lost last month. Anyway, the fear of the unknown was much worse than the reality of the scale. But even as I type this, that feeling comes back. How is it we let a number control so many emotions? Fucking crazy.
I've been off for the last month or so, like really off. My sleep is so messed up. I've been working hard and playing even harder. I need to get closer to my center again. Deep down, I know the center will be closer once I eat healthy again and add exercise to my life...I do...know this... But each day, it's an I'll start tomorrow kind of thing, because you're just trying to make it through the day you're in. So, writing isn't a good diet or exercise, but I'm hoping it will help get me closer to the center. It's funny, I don't even recognize myself right now. It's like I'm on the outside watching this person that's posing as me, but she doesn't know who she is. I had a conversation about this today with a good friend, and she's feeling exactly the same way. She thinks maybe it's our age. Maybe this is just what the forty-something woman goes through? I have no answers. I'm just hoping that I start to figure it out, because it's hard to not know who you are. I've let myself get caught in the stress of everyday things, kids, work, marriage, being a pet owner, and this house purchase is just too much I guess. Time to pull it together. And I start, by writing this simple rambling post, that can't possibly make sense to anyone, because it's written by someone who doesn't even make sense to herself. But here's hoping that this first step toward finding the center, leads to the next.
I'm adding this video for She Used to Be Mine by Sara Barreiles. This song is brilliant, and I truly think it speaks to nearly all women. I hope you enjoy it. Seriously, you've got to listen.
Enjoy your evening-and here's hoping your enjoying your center.
~Jen
I've been off for the last month or so, like really off. My sleep is so messed up. I've been working hard and playing even harder. I need to get closer to my center again. Deep down, I know the center will be closer once I eat healthy again and add exercise to my life...I do...know this... But each day, it's an I'll start tomorrow kind of thing, because you're just trying to make it through the day you're in. So, writing isn't a good diet or exercise, but I'm hoping it will help get me closer to the center. It's funny, I don't even recognize myself right now. It's like I'm on the outside watching this person that's posing as me, but she doesn't know who she is. I had a conversation about this today with a good friend, and she's feeling exactly the same way. She thinks maybe it's our age. Maybe this is just what the forty-something woman goes through? I have no answers. I'm just hoping that I start to figure it out, because it's hard to not know who you are. I've let myself get caught in the stress of everyday things, kids, work, marriage, being a pet owner, and this house purchase is just too much I guess. Time to pull it together. And I start, by writing this simple rambling post, that can't possibly make sense to anyone, because it's written by someone who doesn't even make sense to herself. But here's hoping that this first step toward finding the center, leads to the next.
I'm adding this video for She Used to Be Mine by Sara Barreiles. This song is brilliant, and I truly think it speaks to nearly all women. I hope you enjoy it. Seriously, you've got to listen.
Enjoy your evening-and here's hoping your enjoying your center.
~Jen
RSS Feed