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Diariesofafatass.com

My go-to word: Fuck

7/30/2015

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I was on my way up to a meeting this morning with a couple of coworkers, when I said, “Fuck.  I forgot about the quality meeting.”  (We have a production meeting every morning, but on Thursdays we have a meeting after-so freaking long.  As I was walking back to my desk, I thought about the fact that I had just dropped the F bomb in front of one coworker that I don’t know that well.  It’s really not a big deal.  The language here is often to my level.  But it got me thinking, that “Fuck” is my go-to word.  I’m so fucking used to saying it that I don’t always catch myself and it slips out.  It used to be, that my two worlds of “professionalism”, parenting, family, etc., were always a separate vocabulary that I use in my social crowds.  Those lines have blurred.  Am I proud of this?  No.  Do I cringe every time something pops out of my mouth and I don’t even notice and Caleb says, “Mom, such language.”?  Yes.  I do.  Am I going to work on it?  Nah.  I love the F word.  Very grown up, right?  But I fucking love it.  I’m just keeping it real ;)  Hopefully that last sentence made me sound young and relevant-neither of which I actually am.

I’ve talked about my friend Sarah on here a couple of times.  So, you know how much I adore her and admire her positive attitude.  Yesterday, her husband let me know that she had a brain aneurism a couple of weeks ago.  It was weird, we had been texting and then I got a text later that day saying, “My mom is in surgery. I hope she doesn’t die.”  I was really worried for her Mom and have had her in my thoughts and prayers.  I thought it was odd that I hadn’t heard from Sarah since then and text her Monday night to check on her Mom.  Her husband got the text and called yesterday to tell me what had happened.  –Apparently the last text I had gotten had come from her son, but I didn’t know this.  It is very, very serious, but she has had some good signs.  So, I ask you to pray for Sarah.  She really is a wonderful person and is one of the most likeable people I’ve met in a really long time.  Please let God answer our prayers.  Please.

Well, I’m not sure how to follow up after that.  I will let you know that I finally started eating better this week.  Like LOADS better.  No more meat (except seafood and eggs) and I’ve had one Diet soda a day (instead of like 5 regular ones), and I plan to stop soda completely come Monday.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.  I feel good….

Thanks for being here all.  Have a wonderful day.

~Jen

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The Flirt

7/25/2015

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Life goes too fast.  I barely remember what I did from one day to the next.  But there are some things that happen, that will stay with you for a lifetime.  This, was one of those weeks.  There was something in my life that, for me, was really fucking big.  The details aren't important.  I am so thankful for the two friends I share all of my huge shit with.  Now, mind you, these two are unflappable.  I often wonder what it would take for me to shake them or really surprise them.  Yeah, congratulations to me.  Haha.  I finally did it.  With it, came nothing but support and love, and I would expect nothing less.  Oh, and humor.  H.P. burned me big time, which led me to tell her to fuck off, but then tell her that was really funny, in the same breath.  I learned a lot about myself this week.  In the long run, I'm glad for it.  We only have the one life, and we need to live it to the fullest.  I'm hoping this will all help me in my road to weight loss. 

Baseball, baseball, baseball...It has certainly kept me running lately.  Brian is working a shit load, so I've been the ultimate soccer mom lately.  Caleb finally had his last game on Friday night, though.  Ryne is in the playoffs now (they got their ass handed to them yesterday), and he plays tonight and tomorrow night.  Then, freedom, sweet freedom!  Ryne has football and Cal's about to start swimming again, but I can live with those schedules.  They keep you busy, but it's nothing like baseball with two kids in different leagues in different cities.  I love baseball, and I'm so happy the enjoy it so much, but so long to this season.  I feel like I want to walk away from the game tomorrow night, middle finger aloft, like Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club I can't, but in my head that's what will be happening.

I've also forced myself to work on the book where I can this week: lunches, late at night, etc.  I'm getting there.  I had a lengthy conversation with my editor last night.  It's so close....like really close.  Close enough that we are making my plan of attack for publishing, etc.  She's tied up with other jobs, but she'll be working off my latest edit, starting 8/10.  By Sept 1, I should have it back.  I'm sure there will be very tiny tweaks at that point, but the end is in sight.  Like really in sight.  I can't tell you how great that feels.  Well, I say this, but there are publishing stuff I'm going to have to be way patient over, but I will be glad when I can call it a book.  I can't wait to work on the art for the cover, etc.  I confessed to her last night, that I've been writing the forward and thank you's in my head for a couple of months now.  She laughed and told me that, that's always a joke amongst writers.  They all have their head shots and forwards written before they've even started their book.  She really got my attention with "head shot."  I hadn't even given a thought to my picture being on this thing.  Talk about motivation to lose weight.  Holy fuck.  I wonder if I can just submit the picture of me cutting down the net after we won the championship my senior year of high school?  It's one of the few pictures I like of myself.  Really, I need to get slimmer.  I need to feel like a fucking person again.  Being this heavy, is a whole different ballgame than what being heavy meant to me before.  Now, it scares the shit out of me, for my health.  I feel like people look at me differently.  I never realized how much I'd miss being flirted with, because it was nothing I ever thought about before.  But it rarely happens now.  Every once in a while, once someone gets to know me, it happens.  But that's not the same.  Yeah, it's not.  Who knew I would ever even know or care about that?  Thankfully, Brian still treats me the same that way.  I don't know how in the fuck how, but he does.

O.K., I better get back to the book.  I hope today finds you well and taking time to enjoy the little things, like being flirted with.

Much Love,

Jen
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For Sonny

7/23/2015

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This cracked me up.  I guess the key to not wanting to apologize is to do things you don't have to apologize for.

Ryne is at football camp tonight.  It's the first time in a really long time, that I actually have a night to myself (other than being his chauffer).  It's kind of a weird feeling.  I've been running so hard for so long.  It's a nice feeling to just sit here and write this, without the pressure of squeezing it in or staying up past my bedtime to do it. 

Our hunt has been on to find another place to live.  If it doesn't happen, I'll be okay with that, I guess.  This house just has so many issues, especially for the steep rent.  Finding a rental is so very hard in this town.  I looked at a house on the river the other night.  As soon as I saw it, I thought to myself, we are going to live here.  I love being around water so very much.  I could already see us kayaking right from the property.  But....the house is too small.  I really believe in downsizing and that we all have way more than we need...but I misunderstood the layout when he told me about it over then phone.  It has a bedroom downstairs and then an upstairs loft, which was divided into "two rooms."  The only problem was, the boys would be up there with no doors on their rooms.  It's wide open.  There was no quiet place for homework or any of that stuff.  If it just had one more bedroom with an actual door, I would've done it...but I think we can all agree we want our fourteen year old sons to have doors on their bedrooms.  Such a bummer, though.  It really is a beautiful property.

Baseball season is finally over.  Thank God.  I really mean that.  I love baseball, but it has just been too much.  Brian's work has just been nuts.  I saw him for 45 minutes on Sunday (he got to catch that much of Ryne's game). Yes, in the past ten days that is all I have seen my husband.  Our schedules are totally different.  It was only supposed to be that way for seven days, but they had him start early and now he's working late.  He was supposed to be off today, but then they added another day.  The only saving grace in it all is that we were going to a concert outside of Chicago tomorrow (Friday).  Oh, it's my dream lineup.  Total music nerd stuff.  Little River Band is headlining, and Ambrosia, Stephen Bishop, and Robbie Dupree are also playing.  Yacht Rock!  I've so been looking forward to this.  We were to stay in a hotel and finally have time together, blah, blah, blah...but two nights ago, he began a conversation with, "You're going to divorce me."  Yep.  He has to work....  I had a little breakdown.  I really did.  This isn't home.  I don't have backups here.  In Washington, there would be lots of people to go with, but I only have a few friends here, and they aren't able to go.  So, I still don't know what I'm going to do and the concert is tomorrow night.  First World Problems I know...but it really is bumming me out.

Onto the good....  I posted the status of my book on Facebook over the weekend, and a friend from home sent me a very nice message, congratulating me, asking me about the process, etc.  I have a lot of respect for this friend, so it meant a lot.  She told me that she's actually started five different books, some of them children's books.  But she hasn't told anyone about it.  I found it very cool, that she told me about it.  I'm excited not only for this book for myself, but also to help tell people kind of how the process works.  I've been blind.  I really wish I knew someone that could've walked me through this.

This is not totally off topic-stay with me folks.  But the other day, one of my coworkers was let go.  I consider her a friend, and it was bullshit I think.  I've seen a lot of people let go or fired over the years, and almost always, you can see why it happened.  I did not see it with this gal.  None of the people at work who have commented on it, have seen reason for it, either.  She was a really hard worker, and apparently the last four people in that position have all been let go.  It's a no win situation.  I'm sad that it happened to her, but I'm hopeful that from this, something good will happen.  I'm hoping she will find a job that she finds rewarding and she is appreciated in.  Anyway, she sent me a really nice text the morning she was let go.  In the text, she asked to keep in touch, and talked about how excited she is for my book and to keep her posted.  This got me in the chest-this woman lost her job and a couple of hours later, sends me a nice message telling me how nice it was to work with me and continued to show interest in my book.  Really, that was very unexpected and so very nice.

Okay, my eleven year old is chomping at the bit to watch Naked and Afraid with me.  So, I should start to wrap up.  But I do want to continue with the good.  I know not many people read this, and I'm okay with this.  I was looking at the wrong stats (page views vs. unique readers) and did think it was more, but the other number makes a lot more sense :)  Although, I should probably get it out there some how as the book gets closer to launch.  I'll have to think long and hard about that before making any decisions on that, though.  Anyway, a friend sent me a very nice message about the blog the other day.  It made my day.   I think I'm out here, all alone in my thoughts, in my crazy head, and to know that someone really connects with that is so very cool.  When I had this thing published before and had a lot more readers, I would often hear from people about that connection.  I rarely heard about how the weight loss (believe it or not there used to be some) or diet or exercise, but it was about how people didn't feel alone or that they were the only ones with struggles.  Hearing from my friend the other day, just made me warm inside.  My nickname for her is "Sonny" and I'm "Cher."  I have no fucking idea how that started, but it has stuck for years now.  I'm grateful for her and her words.  And Sonny at your request, I'm adding "I Got You Babe."  I hope it makes you smile.

Wishing you all a great night.

~Cher
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Laughing 'til you fart

7/14/2015

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I’ve spent a lot of time lately working on accepting who I am.  My whole life I’ve worried all too much about what other people think of me.  It’s still there, but I’ve come a really long way.  But recently, I’ve really started to feel good about the fact that I seem to march to the beat of my own drum.  I’ve begun to appreciate some of the things that I always hated about myself-like how my mind never stops-or how I have a story in my head for everything-like most songs, I have my own made up video in my head.  As I’ve gotten more excited about the book, I’ve really started to be thankful that my brain works this way.  If it didn’t, I wouldn’t have writing.  I wouldn’t have my book, and I thank God for it.  For most of the time that I’ve had this blog, it’s bothered me that my most personal relationship is probably with the writing I do on here.  It’s where I get my thoughts out.  It’s where I feel safe.  I have relationships with people that are so wonderful, but there’s no safer place for me, than my own head.  I finally appreciate that I have this blog.  It’s not meant for millions of people to read.  Every once in a while, one of my friends will tell me they read it all the time, but for the most part, I don’t know who does.  When I started it again, I was really careful about who I let know about it.  But I find myself grateful I have it: grateful that I have an outlet, as my head has been all over the place today.  This blog is my comfort….my anxiety drug I guess.

I’ve given myself a two week deadline to finish up this edit on the book.  I got a lot done this weekend (the one good thing about the rain storms), and so now I’m feeling better about where I am.  I also wrote a whole new chapter.  I think it helps fill in a hole in the understanding of the longstanding relationship between two of the characters.  I’m waiting to hear back from my editor and her thoughts on it.  I’ve asked her just to let me know about the idea/content, but she’s already told me she’s going to edit it-it’s in her blood.  I’ll take it!  She has been doing all of this work the past couple of months-at no charge.  Thank God for her….thank God that I could see the magic in her, when I went into something so blind.  I always second guess myself, and I’m so glad I went with my instinct on this one.  We’ve been communicating a bit today, so I know what the next step is after her next edit (and the price).  I’m praying, praying, praying-that after some light editing after that-it’ll be ready to shop to publishers.  I know I need a line edit after this next edit, but a publisher gets it, they’ll use their own anyway.  I don’t want to pay more than I have to.

Switching gears-I showed my coworker Jim the above picture and we were laughing about it.  Then we got to talking about Naked & Afraid (OMG-my new obsession-only thing I watch on t.v. anymore), and we were rolling.  We were talking about women having their periods out there and have positively awful that much be.  I told him, we should look closely to see if we see tufts of moss coming out of their peekachu from behind, when they have the ass shots.  Yes, I crack myself up.  It was so vivid in my head; I could hardly get it out.  It was then that I farted.  Yes, I cracked myself up so bad that I farted.  A few of my friends fart when they laugh, but this was a first for me.  He was laughing so hard he didn’t seem to hear me, but I do live in cubicle land….God knows what others heard.  My fingers are crossed they didn’t hear…but if they did…I’ll laugh about it one day.

So, back to marching to the beat of my own drummer…  Thankfully, I have some people in my life, who march to a similar beat at times.  A friend and I were texting today, cracking ourselves up at something most people would go WTF? But to us, it was gold.  She text me, “We crack ourselves up, don’t we?  I love it.”  There was no, we’re so weird or whatever…it just is.  To me, that’s what friendship is. 

Because I’ve been sharing with you how my mind over thinks things and goes off on its own little tangent, I’ll give you my song of the moment.  Every once in a while I get fixated on Her Town Too by James Taylor, and I am now-playing it every day.  Usually when I love a song, it’s because I can relate to it, or you want that so bad you can feel it or whatever.  This song is just plain great.  I have nothing that it speaks to in my life at all, but when I hear it, Carly Simon always pops into my mind.  I wonder if it’s about her.  I’ve never looked this up, because I like to keep the way it all plays out in my heard.  I don’t want to know that it’s before her or about someone else or whatever.  Sometimes when I hear it, I think it must be about her, she’s singing on it.  Again, intentionally, I’ve never looked it up to see if she is singing harmony.  Well, recently Sheryl Crow was talking about this song and how J.D. Souther wrote it w/ James Taylor and sings on it…Yeah, so I guess it isn’t Carly Simon singing on it.  It’s a dude.  Still, I’ll keep my little fantasy-it just fits their story!  Am I right?  That’s a rhetorical question.  I doubt there are many people on this earth who have given it the kind of thought I have.

Okay, I’ll let you go.  If you mad it all the way though my writing today-Congratulations!  I’ll buy you a beer, the next time I see you.

Enjoy the song, and here’s hoping that you appreciate the beat of whatever drum you march to.

Much Love,

Jen

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Real People

7/11/2015

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Yeah, this is pretty much the real me.  There's the functioning side of me, that does what she has to in order to get through the day, just like anyone else.  But if I'm not having a meaningful conversation, to me, it's just wasted time. 

This week was insanely busy at work.  It's such a pisser because my boss was gone this week, and those are always the weeks you hope you'll get to relax a little.  Not this week, but that's just the way it goes.  I did spend most of my lunch times working on the book, though.  So, I felt good about that part of the day.  Also, I went to lunch a couple of times with work friends.  It was good for my soul.  It was kind of what I needed.  Brian was working a ton this week, and man, was I missing my friends. I long for a karaoke night out with the girls, or some sort of wine tasting, or a walk along the Columbia River.  So, the lunches were just what I needed.  Lunches that held real conversation from coworkers/friends that I respect and really enjoy spending time with.

The nights this week were filled with baseball, baseball, baseball.  The end is in sight, though. I can see it.  Thank God.  It really does run our lives. 

Last night I ordered the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" that I so needed and had a really nice, long phone conversation with H.P.  We talked my whole drive home, and then I spent another hour with her in my driveway once I got here.  I've said this before, but she really does get me more than anyone.  I may be all the way out here, but it is nice to still have those relationships that are there, no matter where you are.

This morning was also really, really nice.  I had breakfast with Lynn (aka G), while my loser cruiser (the money pit) was having work done on it.  Lynn continues to be my biggest cheerleader as far as my writing.  I always feel like I can do anything after spending time with her.    
 
After breakfast, I headed out to Ryne's baseball game.  They were able to get it in just before the rain came (we've had like no summer here).  The rain was truly a bummer today, as Brian and I had plans to go to the annual festival in town and listen to some live, outdoor music.  Anyway, it has been pouring, so we weren't able to.  But the good news is, after breakfast with Lynn this morning, I was feeling really inspired to write.  So, trapped in the house, I worked on the book for several hours today.  I even wrote a whole new chapter to add to the book.  I've been playing around with it in my head a while, so it was nice to get it out there.  Now, I'm about 35% through this last edit.  I'm feeling good, and I'm really looking forward to turning it back over to my editor.  It'll be one step closer to finishing this thing.  Ryne does have another game tomorrow, but the weather is supposed to be bad again.  I really hope they can sneak the game in, but again, I hope to get about six hours of work done on the book.  If it's raining, I feel much less guilt about giving my time to the book.

Caleb just told me, "Danica got into a wreck."  Hopefully this means, he'll be vacating my room soon.  He and Brian have been watching the race upstairs, letting me work down here-so nice.  But, it is closing in on ten o'clock, and this lady needs to get some sleep.  Sleeping has been a little awful lately.  There's been too many nightmares.  I woke up at four this morning, and I was so looking forward to sleeping in.  Hopefully, this is the night it all turns around.

I know, I almost always add old songs to this site.  It's just what I listen to anymore.  But I do really love this song.  It's probably my favorite amongst the new stuff.  I'm a sucker for a good love song.

Hope you're having a fantastic weekend!

Jen



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American Dream

7/5/2015

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I think this might be the funniest thing I've ever seen.  My sister Nealy sent me a belated birthday card one time, and it was along these same lines, something like at least it's just late and you're not late.  Ha.  Kills me. 

Happy 4th of July weekend!  Hopefully you got a three day holiday out of it.  What a difference and extra day makes, right?!  I had Friday off, and I can't tell you how much I needed it.  After an excruciatingly long week at work (between plant shut down-oh, and them taking streaming music away from us), it felt wonderful to just sleep in and have an easy going morning.  The sun also finally made an appearance.  Oh, how I'd missed the sun.  I was able to get some weeding done in that jungle of a garden I have.  I'm not shitting you.  We are total white trash.  After hours, it still doesn't look great.  It was a perfect way to spend the afternoon, though.  I had a couple of glasses of hard apple cider (apparently my age is turning me into a total pussy), and I was able to stream my Mom's Fourth of July radio show from Alaska.  I always love that show. It's just some great American music and talk of all of the activities around town.  I also love that when Mom is doing a promo for one of the local bars, she says, "Speaking of Rayme's, my baby girl, Brooke has been spending a lot of time down there."  Bahaha.  Then goes on to tell a story about Brooke partying and plays a song for her, because she knows if she doesn't, "Kim is going to kill me."  (Kim is Brooker's bff from way back when and has become part of the family).  I love it.  Mom also played a couple of Nitty Gritty Dirt Band songs for me, and talked about how I was going to the concert that night.  Really, it was wonderful.

That night (the 3rd) Caleb had a makeup baseball game.  (Over half of their games have been rained out this year).  Brian's working, and Ryno (who until today, I'd only seen for an hour and a half past few days, due to his busy social life-haha) was at a sleepover, so I took Cal early for warm-ups.  Usually, I watch the warm-ups, and I'm by myself.  But since I had the concert that night, I took the liberty of filling up a Roadie of hard apple cider to enjoy in my car during the warm-ups.  It was a great half an hour.  Time to myself, James Taylor blasting, a couple of good friends texting....  Anyway, I wasn't worried about "smelling of alcohol" because I figured it was cider and I didn't recognize the smell of it.  But still, I knew there was a chance, and I figured I'd sit alone for the half hour of the game I was able to watch (before my friends picked me up for the concert-and another Mom was set to drive Cal home after the game).  Great plan, right?  So, I catch a nice little buzz, and I walk over to the game, where I promptly met by one of Caleb's coaches (it's a husband-wife team).  She gets real close to my face to tell me that Caleb was on the ground during warm-ups, and when she went to find out why, he said his ear hurt.  She said there as a giant mosquito stuck on his ear, and when she pulled it out, blood went all over her hand.  Poor kiddo.  He hates bugs more than anything.  He says the bugs are the only reason he wouldn't be able to make it on Naked and Afraid.  LOL  So, Coach and I had an in depth discussion about six inches from one another, face to face.  No breath mint.  Just a wild guess, but I'm quite certain she could smell it.  Yes, once again MOTY (as my friends like to say for, Mother of the Year).

I went to the concert with our friends, the "Lambo's" and met up with my friend Marie.  We also hung out with a couple of my coworkers for a while.  Oh man, did I get pretty lit.  I had so much fun, I just kept thinking, why don't I drink anymore?  Don't worry-I remembered all too well the next day ;)  NGDB put on a fantastic show!  I forgot they sang, American Dream which is also such a great, great song.  We all had a ball.  Plus, we were in the V.I.P. tent, which always makes everything better.  It wasn't really legit, as I was trading passes with my coworker who had them (so, I got Marie in), and the Lambo's had their own.  It was fun to, as Lambo kept singing, Breaking the Law, Breaking the Law.  We weren't really, but it always makes it more fun to think you're getting away with something-no matter what age you are.

We all hung out for a while, and had a couple of drinks, after the show.  Marie and I had a great talk about getting our focus and health back.  It really was an inspired drunken conversation.  Aren't those the best?  I'm glad to say that I'm ready.  I really had been working up to it, and that convo, along with my Vegas buddies now having Fit Bits, and us keeping tabs on each other has gone a long way.  After we picked Ryne up this morning (from yet another slumber party), I took the boys and Jesse to the park for a walk.  It felt so good to be out there, (minus knee pain-extra weight doesn't help), but Jesse literally laid down in the grass a little less than a mile into it (it was warm) as if to say, I've had enough Mom.  So, I'll try it again tonight.  She and I both need to get into shape.  I'm sure watching the Women play for the World Cup will also be inspiring.  I feel good....  I feel really good in a lot of ways.

The Fourth was a nice day.  I took the boys to breakfast (in between shuttling Ryne between parties), and then Cal and I went to a BBQ at the Lambo's house.  We are so lucky to have them hear.  They always invite me to her family stuff, and I always have a great time. 

So, as I'm writing all of this-I got an email from my editor.  She really liked the submission I wrote for her.  In her words, "We're gonna have a book!"  I can't tell you how great that feels-to hear something like that from someone I respect so much.  It gives me the energy I need to go back and work on mine.  I'm so glad I didn't know how much would go into writing this book (time, money, energy, a million things), before I started, because I probably wouldn't have done it.  Only a crazy person does something like this right?  So, I should get back to the book.  I could ramble and procrastinate forever.

Oh, and I'll add a video from my friend Penny and Tracy (The Allen Sisters).  Mom played it, and it was a great reminder to me to start listening to their C.D.'s again.  They are so talented, and the thing I missed most about not being home this year, was listening to them play in Elks beer garden.   It's never anything that's announced.  Family and friends gather, and it really is a treat of all treats.  This song is....home.  (I know everyone in this video, and just watching it made me smile.  But what made me smile most was seeing my friend Carly in Mom Jeans :)
Much Love,
Jen
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This is why...

7/2/2015

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You are looking at the views from my mom’s house in Alaska.  My sister posted those yesterday.  I wrote about wanting to be home the other day.  I just wanted to give you a glimpse into one of the many reasons why.  A friend of mine is now on her way up there, and she made comment of hearing, “toss your eggs” in her head, over and over.  If you’ve ever been up there, you know that voice.  It used to be my friend’s mom that did the announcing, but now it’s  my friend, and the voices are exactly the same.  The egg toss is a big deal.  There is just about every combination you can think of.  The really great thing is, it doesn’t really have to be your real grandparent, brother, or whatever.  It’s all really loose.  Ah, I long for those days.  Now, to be honest…the last couple of times I’ve been up there, I haven’t participated.  We have always been off partying somewhere or another…or last year, maybe we were throwing axes.  A group of friends did the logging activities.  That was a first, and it was so much fun!  But let me tell you, if I were up there this year, I’d make it a point to throw an egg.  After all, Wrangell holds the world’s record for largest egg toss (again…we were drinking and I wasn’t a participant).  But I think that’s way cool.

I haven’t exactly tried to hide the fact that I would prefer to live back on the West Coast.  It is really hard being out here so far from the people I love, but I’m trying…I’ve been making an effort lately about being more active: making the most of it, if you will.  Despite my poor self esteem, with this excess weight, I’m doing it.  I’m making new friends and trying to keep busy.  Tomorrow night, I’m going to see the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in concert.  Okay, you can quit laughing.  But I love them.  I’ve seen them before.  I’m thinking they’re probably much older than the last time I saw them.  I’m just hoping they’re not Gordon Lightfoot old.  I’ve made it a point not to look it up.  I saw them with my friend Cori way back when.  Cori is one of my all-time favorite people.  We played basketball in college in WA.  Of all things, she ended up moving up to Sitka, AK to continue playing ball and finish school.  It’s so funny.  I ran away from it, while she ran to it.  I think she was onto something, though.  Living in Alaska again, would be a great thing, I think.  Anyway, I remember she loved the song, Fishin’ In the Dark.  Now, I’m partial to Mr. Bojangles, but because of Cori, Fishin’ is a favorite, too.  Anyway, I’m looking forward to hanging out with friends tomorrow night and enjoying the concert.

Speaking of friends…I am picky.  I mean, too picky.  It’s funny.  I’ve always been that way.  But, it has really worked for me, because for me, my friends are the best.  So, last week, I was watching one of the boys play baseball, and I was sitting in the stands with the other moms (what’s with that, anyway?  It’s mostly moms at the games), when there was a foul ball that landed hard on the roof of a shelter over a couple of picnic benches.  Well, this chick got scared to death, when that thing landed.  She nearly jumped three feet out of her seat.  I turned to the mom next to me (we’d been chatting all game), and I said, “That scared that lady to death.  That was awesome.”  The look she gave me-holy shit-like I was the anti-Christ.  I remember thinking: I guess I shouldn’t be myself around the other baseball moms.  Anyway, I told the story to one of my closest friends, and she replied, “WTF, I hate moms.” (btw, she’s also a mom to two) And that…is why I love the people I’ve chosen as friends in my life.  That comment right there.  Pure gold.  Fuck, I miss them.  But, I’m here, and I’ll soldier on and make the best of it.

I hope you all are having a great day.  Make the most of it-even if you live in the Midwest ;)

Much Love,

Jen

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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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