So....here I am.... I don't have the slightest idea about having a website, or even how to maintain it, but I'm going to do my best. Here's how this idea began: 7/31/11 I'm reading Jillian Michaels book, Unlimited, and I've become very inspired about taking control of my life, most importantly my health and future. I need to make myself accountable. No, not the "accountable" I tell myself nearly every other week, but a real version of being accountable. I never, ever, disclose my weight, so I figure if I put it out there, the only way to take it back, is by making 213 lbs. a distant memory. Yes, I'm 213 lbs of disgusting fat. I topped out at 256, but I'd also gotten down to 190 just a few short months ago. However, I find myself, here, in the dark place (weight gain) once again. ...at 39 years old. When I first thought of starting this site (earlier today...), I told myself that I'd start this website and not let anyone I know, know anything about it. After further thought, I've decided that's the chicken shit way to do things. I'm going to let some of those that are close to me, know all about this fat ass and my journey. Now, I'm not going to go all crazy and tell my husband about it. I mean, surely if he learns just HOW fat his wife is, he's out the door, right?! I guess it'll be baby steps in a lot of ways. My plan is to do a blog entry every day (honestly, I've never even read a blog....I always thought, just how narcissistic does one need to be?) Apparently, that's me....which is why I almost talked myself out of this. My mind does a number on me, at any minute of any day. I can beat myself up about damn near everything. I'm going to work on that....you're my witness. I will blog my food diary, workouts, spending, etc. I want to address all of the things that I need improvement on. I'm going to make myself accountable to you, and most importantly, to myself. Hopefully I'll figure out how to enable you to make comments, add recipes and all of that good stuff. I'd love to hear from you.
I've addressed some self hatred over my body and self here, so I think I should acknowledge that most of the time I don't hate everything about myself. I've come a long ass way over the past few years (thanks in part to years of therapy). Deep down I know that I'm a good mom. Well, okay...hope that I'm a good mom. I don't know that it's the most natural thing that's ever happened to me. It takes a lot of thought and effort, but I imagine it does for all parents. I can be a really good friend. I know I fail in epic proportions with some, and that's something I do need to work on. But to those that I really love and care about...I'd do anything for. I think they know this. This loyalty has rewarded me in immeasurable ways. I'm happy to say that I've still got friends from preschool. I try to be a good wife. Now, this is the part that I'm having trouble coming up with words for. My lack of self confidence does sabotage me in my relationship. I know this... I'm working on this...every single day. He's a good man, and he deserves a wife who can be her "best self."
My approach: I will try to follow a mostly vegan diet. I still allow for eggs and seafood, but I will try to limit them. I quit eating other meats in Sept '09. After stuffing myself w/ 3 ground beef tacos, I went back to reading Skinny Bitch, which I had just started on a work break earlier that morning. Before I knew it, I was damn near puking in my mouth. It's amazing what education can do to one's life. I'd intentionally gone through with blinders on. Hell, if they weren't on, I couldn't eat meat, like I'd done 1-3 times a day, for my entire life. Also, I would've never tried to get off the cheese. It was/is my favorite food.... I also haven't had a glass of regular milk, since that day. Of course, dumb ass here has had milkshakes and ice cream when my diet hits its lows (which can last months at a time). I believe with my whole heart and mind, that eating a clean, vegan diet is the best way to live. It brings a peace to my heart. I love animals, and I'm even trying to love myself, and going Vegan-ish...was the best decision I ever made.
So, in staying true to the Unlimited book. I'm going to state my goal. It's not clear and defined, but eventually (or maybe even now through this website) I would love to do things to help people become healthier minded. Maybe this means I open a Health food store one of these days. I do know that it's my passion. I'm great at giving advice or talking about the amazing information I've gotten from books, but clearly I'm not great at following my own advice.
Although I detest the scale, I would like to see my weight around 170....
Crap...I wish I knew how to do spellcheck on this damn thing. Please ignore the poor grammar and enjoy my ride of self discovery and better health. I hope you'll come along. I hope I can figure out how to make this a communal website (without costing me an arm and a leg). Please feel free to comment on my blog entries. I'd love some vegan recipes or encouragement wherever I can get it.
Thanks,
Jen
I've addressed some self hatred over my body and self here, so I think I should acknowledge that most of the time I don't hate everything about myself. I've come a long ass way over the past few years (thanks in part to years of therapy). Deep down I know that I'm a good mom. Well, okay...hope that I'm a good mom. I don't know that it's the most natural thing that's ever happened to me. It takes a lot of thought and effort, but I imagine it does for all parents. I can be a really good friend. I know I fail in epic proportions with some, and that's something I do need to work on. But to those that I really love and care about...I'd do anything for. I think they know this. This loyalty has rewarded me in immeasurable ways. I'm happy to say that I've still got friends from preschool. I try to be a good wife. Now, this is the part that I'm having trouble coming up with words for. My lack of self confidence does sabotage me in my relationship. I know this... I'm working on this...every single day. He's a good man, and he deserves a wife who can be her "best self."
My approach: I will try to follow a mostly vegan diet. I still allow for eggs and seafood, but I will try to limit them. I quit eating other meats in Sept '09. After stuffing myself w/ 3 ground beef tacos, I went back to reading Skinny Bitch, which I had just started on a work break earlier that morning. Before I knew it, I was damn near puking in my mouth. It's amazing what education can do to one's life. I'd intentionally gone through with blinders on. Hell, if they weren't on, I couldn't eat meat, like I'd done 1-3 times a day, for my entire life. Also, I would've never tried to get off the cheese. It was/is my favorite food.... I also haven't had a glass of regular milk, since that day. Of course, dumb ass here has had milkshakes and ice cream when my diet hits its lows (which can last months at a time). I believe with my whole heart and mind, that eating a clean, vegan diet is the best way to live. It brings a peace to my heart. I love animals, and I'm even trying to love myself, and going Vegan-ish...was the best decision I ever made.
So, in staying true to the Unlimited book. I'm going to state my goal. It's not clear and defined, but eventually (or maybe even now through this website) I would love to do things to help people become healthier minded. Maybe this means I open a Health food store one of these days. I do know that it's my passion. I'm great at giving advice or talking about the amazing information I've gotten from books, but clearly I'm not great at following my own advice.
Although I detest the scale, I would like to see my weight around 170....
Crap...I wish I knew how to do spellcheck on this damn thing. Please ignore the poor grammar and enjoy my ride of self discovery and better health. I hope you'll come along. I hope I can figure out how to make this a communal website (without costing me an arm and a leg). Please feel free to comment on my blog entries. I'd love some vegan recipes or encouragement wherever I can get it.
Thanks,
Jen