I can't get enough of these "mean tweets," so I thought I would share.  Mostly, because Halle Berry (someone I've never really given too much thought to either way), said something that will make me love her forever.  Her mean tweet talked about her boobs being lopsided.  To which Halle responded, "That's what happens when they're real."  Instant love.  I haaattte my boobs, both sizes of them.  Breastfeeding sure did a number on them.  Many of my friends have had theirs done and the other day, my closest friend pointed out that I was just about her only close friend who hasn't had work done.  Most of my friends have had them done for many, many years now.  Before kids, I just thought it was something I'd never consider for myself.  If it weren't for the significant weight issue, I'd probably do them now.  But first things first.  Anyhow, Halle's statement made me feel good about them for a moment.  If I can have anything in common with Halle Berry, I'll take it.  Cheers to Halle!

It's 10 A.M., and it's been way too productive of a Sunday already.  In my head, I wish I could've slept in. 4:44 was some sort of cruel joke.  But I am glad I got up so early.  I finished up the last of the book, which makes me super happy.  I've gotten some laundry done.  I've got biscuits and gravy in the oven.  And for fucks sake, I had time to watch the above video.  I never get to watch stuff on the internet.  And yes, I get to write on here :)

This week was so busy, I feel like none of it belonged to me.  This being said, I was really selfish and spent too much time outside of the house this week.  The week just flew by.  I've got to get it together this week.  My head is going crazy with all of the things I need to do....I'd list them, but we all have those lists in our heads.  I will say this, I'll feel so much better when we find a house...

Yesterday I went on an Alzheimer's walk to support my friend Diana in her efforts to raise money.  Diana has her own personal story for walking, and I can tell you, not a day goes by when the disease doesn't consume my thoughts at one point or another.  My memory has always sucked.  This certainly doesn't mean Alzheimer's.  Brian has always joked that I already have it.  For years, I nervously laughed along, but now, I shoot him a glare and tell him it's not funny.  This friggin' disease comes up every time our Alaska family gets together.  It's taken and is taking people we love and it's such a helpless feeling to see it happening and not be able to help.  I really could go on and on about this...and I'll make jokes with my friends about it (I know...I don't like Brian doing it, but it's like making fun of my weight....I have to laugh at my own expense about it...otherwise I won't be able to breathe). But Alzheimer's is the thing I fear most in life. I fear for every single person in my family, as well as myself.  I fear I've passed the gene onto my boys.  When the Canadian government does a study on your family (due to the occurrences of early onset), it's the real fucking shit.  I fear for my friends that worry they're going to get it.  It's a real fear.  I pray....that a cure is found soon.  I am proud of my friend for doing her part and raising funds yesterday.  I really am.  I'm proud that Caleb was excited to walk with us.  I'm proud that so many are working so hard toward a cure that not so long ago was taboo to talk about.  Okay...sorry, I'll stop now.  Big sigh.

I had some other things I was going to write about, but I've gone and gotten myself sad.  Fuck.  Let me tell you the hormone issues with this period are as bad as I've had.  I've cried about the Photograph video from Ed Sheeran (ahhh Ed Sheeran), music on the radio, looking at pictures of my thinner self, thinking about stuff from the past that I should be over and thought I was over, all sorts of stupid stuff.  I'm ready for this to be over!

If you want to moved to tears also, watch Ed's video.  I feel I'm close enough with him now just to call him Ed.  I mean, one friend did get a pic taken with him at a meet and greet, and another friend of mine met him last week at Buffalo Wild Wings and said he was super rad (well, he's much cooler and younger than me, so I'm sure he used much cooler verbage to describe meeting Ed).  Enjoy.

Happy Sunday everyone.  Happy Fantasy Football!

~Jen   Sea-Hawks!

I like what this photo has to say. My favorite thing to do is write, and when's the last time I wrote on here...? Yeah, I need to make time for it.  I need to write, whether it be my book, on here, or just notes to myself.  Sometimes texting will actually even fill that void-when texting actually means something.  Not the countless texts that we send that are essentially just noise.  But every so often, texts are a way of cleansing the soul, the way emails used to do.

Life hasn't slowed up any.  If anything, it just keeps adding on.  I'm not sure how we all do it?  Some do it much more gracefully than me, that's for sure.  The weight I've gained since going back to work in December is truly embarrassing... In my head, I'm working on it.  I had a good run recently at it, and I'm not throwing in the towel on that.  I'm not ready to say that run is totally over.  Today...after a week of terrible PMS...Aunt Flow finally came a knockin', so I'm going to say today is not that day, though.  But I feel it...I feel the excess of everything lately.  I feel like shit.  So, I am going grocery shopping for real food after work today.

I got back on Monday from a Vegas trip with two of my close friends.  Oh, what a great time.  We got our fill of deep girl talk, Autism talk, silliness, drinking, gambling (well, I did anyway), sitting poolside, laughing and more laughing, and trying new things.  It's just what I was hoping for from the trip.  After the flight home, I came back hitting the ground running.  I went from the airport to an appointment for Cal with the Orthopedist and from there went to Ryne's football game.  Yeah, I was pretty well spent.  Brian said that night I was snoring like a freight train, and he couldn't even wake me up.  I'd say that's the sign of a good trip :)  So, it's now time to think, I need a vacation from my vacation...as the old saying goes.  But, I couldn't have asked for anything more.

It is good to be home, though.  I missed my boys, Jesse, my work friends, and having a routine.  The older I get the more and more I realize just how much I crave and appreciate routine.  It's my center.

Well, I just took a short lunch, and made it my priority to write today.  It fills my soul with goodness.  I should get back to reality and a job that I'm not sure I'll ever be caught up with.  I know, just like everyone else.

Happy Hump Day.

~Jen

Well, football season is finally upon it.  I know...I know...the season where you roll your eyes, and say to yourself, why in the fuck is she going on and on about her stupid fantasy football teams?  Like anyone cares.  All I'll say about it tonight, is I suck, and it's fun to have the texts between friends about how our teams are doing.  I also wound up helping a friend pick her team name.  I could come up with those dirty football names all night.  We quickly settled on, I Like it in the End Zone, though.  God, I hope I didn't steal that from somewhere.  I came up with what I thought was a good one for another friend yesterday, and she's like, "yeah, remember that girl two seasons ago had that name?"  I barely remember what I did two minutes ago....so no, I didn't remember.

Today was a bit much.  Work was crazy, had therapy, ran Cal and a friend to get fitted for their swimsuits, picked Ryne up from practice, went grocery shopping, made dinner, and finally was able to sit down just before kickoff.  So, when I should be working on the book...I've been planted, for the most part in the recliner, drinking wine and watching football.  Brian's working, but I'm sure he's super proud of me.  haha.  Let's just say it's a good thing I only had half a bottle open...My will is not that strong tonight.  I just keep telling myself that I'm giving my liver practice for Vegas.  Sounds valid, right?

I wanted to give you an update on Sarah.  For many weeks, it did not look good...like really, really bad...  Her mom was telling me that she was planning the funeral in her head, and Sara's brother was writing the obituary...  A couple of weeks ago, in the midst of all of that, she stood up!  It was with the help of a few people, but it was miraculous!  Since then, she keeps trucking along.  She's hitting milestones all over the place.  She has a very long way to go, but it's so great that you can see a recovery.  Last week, she was moved to a rehab facility in Chicago, and they are supposed to be top notch.  If you could continue to pray for her, that would be so much appreciated.  She has such a great family.  Her kids are so very great.  That says so much about the parents Sarah and Alex are.

It's been a very long, exhausting day, but I am thankful for the grapes that calmed my anxiety tonight.  Laundry and life call, so I need to get to it.

Wishing you a wonderful Friday.

~Jen

My friend Marie aka Touchdown Tramps posted this today.  Holy moly does this ring true.  A bunch of work friends have recently joined a Cross Fit gym.  A couple of the girls already were members, and it's just grown from there.  I love to see the camaraderie that it has brought and the excitement amongst this group of coworkers (coincidently my closest friends at work).  There has been a lot of pressure (I know it comes from a good place) from them for me to join.  It's actually been emotional for me.  I never thought...in a million years, that I would be that girl.  I would've always thought I'd be the motivator.  I do want to do it...I think about it everyday.  But really, this meme says it all.  I've had some medical stuff going on lately, and it makes me nervous to do something like this, when all I've been doing is walking.  I should bite that fucking bullet, though.  Living like this will kill me anyway.  I guess I should take my chances and work toward the life I want.  I know there are many of you that can relate.  If there's anything I've learned over the years of doing this, is that I'm not alone.  I still feel alone, because it's all consuming, but I am not alone.  Thanks for the messages you send me that let me know it's not just me...even when it feels like I am...in this sea of healthy people.

Life has been truly overwhelming lately, but such is life at this stage I guess.  It has been good, though.  I just have to continue on working on dealing with it all better.  I thought I'd come a long way on this, but then this house thing got added to the mix.  It's pretty much on my mind 24/7.

Next week is my Vegas trip with my girls Kim (aka L.P.-Life Partner) and Le Ann.  I've been so busy, stressed that I haven't really given it too much thought, because spending money right now on anything other than the house is just a bit much.  But at the same time, it's probably like the best thing I could do.  I don't know many people with better souls than these two.  They are so easy to talk to-about anything.  So, I know it will be good, and even though the timing seems poor, it's probably happening now for a reason. 

'Tis the season for fantasy football.  Er, I mean football.  I may have stretched myself a little this season with everything else going on.  I've got two family leagues (on mine and Brian's side), one with a friend that I was really thrilled for thinking of me, and our Girls, Girls, Girls league.  Yes, your truly, Big TD's and No Bush, probably didn't have the best draft (at least if you trust those fuckers at Yahoo and their draft grade), but damn if I don't love it.  I'll also do the pick 'em league for my cousin Holley and one at work.  For someone whose cup runneth over...probably not the smartest thing, but I guess we make time for the things we love.  And I do love it.

The book is coming along well.  I was emailing with my editor about it today, and she makes me feel so much better about everything.  She recently spent a weekend with her best friend.  She refers to her best friend as her "Molly."  Molly is the name of the best friend in my book.  I love this for so many reasons.  I love that it really touches her that way, and I love that my junior high friend can be honored in that way.  It was her birthday yesterday, so I let her know that Lesley uses her name as a synonym for best friend.  I just think that's way cool.

I could write all night tonight.  Really.  I could.  But I should get to all of those football commitments and actual adult like responsibilities.  I didn't sign up for that shit.

I'll leave you with "Bad Influence" by Pink.  I always tell Amy that she's my bad influence, but there's no bad influence there.  We just accept each others dares and challenges.  Anyway, we heard this song while we were in Chicago, and at least once a day it has gone through my head.  This is one of my favorite Pink songs, which says a lot.  It was (I haven't added music to my new phone yet) also my friend Erin's aka Angelina's ring tone ever since it came out. I really do need to add music again...

Have a great night.

~Jen

Oh, the joys of raising a teenager.  If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this from my oldest, I wouldn't need a down payment for a house: I could buy it outright.  Someone recently told me that there should be a support group for the parents of teenagers-they are onto something.

Happy 3 Day weekend!  Just knowing you have that extra day makes all the difference.  The rush that is every day life is slowed today.  I took my time getting up this morning.  I made a late breakfast, and I've needed to put my load of laundry into the dryer now for like an hour...Usually, this would make me crazy, but today, I sit here writing, just twenty feet from the laundry room-letting the clothes sit.  Should I give an extra day off this kind of power in my life?  No, I should probably approach every weekend like this, but life it too busy....we fight it, and try to slow it down, but life just doesn't allow for it most of the time.  So, we left this weekend fairly open.   Other than looking at a few houses, we have no definite plans, and I love it.

I will work on the book this weekend, but that is mostly a labor of love.  My editor went back through it yet again this week and made a few more suggestions.  I can't even think of how this book process would've gone, had I  not found her.  She really is one of those people that I was meant to meet (although it's all been phone and email) in this life.  A couple of weeks ago, I even received a nice little package from her with things completely unrelated to my book.  She's such a sweet, genuine, soul.  We are nearing the finish line of this project, but it has to stall here for a couple of months or so.  Buying a house a year earlier than planned, definitely changes things financially.  The house will have to come before everything.  Putting a hold on the book isn't the worst thing in the world.  Maybe I'll have a renewed energy once I come back to it.  I really have to psych myself up to be someone who pushes this book.  It will all be on me, and that's a terrible feeling for someone who just doesn't have that kind of self esteem.  I do believe in this book though...so maybe I'll find a passion and voice inside me that I didn't know existed when the time comes.

Brian has just come off of working 8 days straight.  It was a crazy busy time as the boys had just gone back to school, open houses, practices, games, house stuff, bank stuff, book, work, blah, blah, blah.  But last weekend was really fantastic.  I went to Chicago to visit my cousin Jouni for a night.  She took me to a house party, and I met some really fun people.  It had been ages since I'd played beer pong.  It was also great to spend some time with Jouni.  She'll be moving soon, and I'll sure miss having her live so close.

The next morning my friend Amy came to Chicago.  She had a work trip planned for the week, so she came a day early so we could spend the day/evening together.  We went to see the Mariners play the White Sox.  We ended up tailgating into the 4th quarter.  I tell you what, we make fun in whatever we do.  This is now the third baseball stadium we've been to.  We had really great Bloody Mary's (one of the benefits of going to a game so late is you end up with box seats from a scalper for next to nothing) at the game.  I love a good Bloody Mary, but I don't think I'd had one for a year and a half.  It was a beautiful day out.  The weather has been so crazy, so we really lucked out.  From there, we just hung out at the room for a while before going to a pretty cool bar that was in walking distance of the hotel (of course, we essentially took a walking tour of Chicago trying to get there-we get lost walking to a corner, I swear).  The day was really great.  Amy's just one of those people that I always have fun with.  She makes me laugh harder than anyone I know.  It was a much needed day, free of responsibility, free of the stress of everyday life.  We have had a lot of fun trips together, but that day is right up there with the best of them.  I'll put a pic from the game.  Instinctively I'd like to put the one where she's looking away and blurry, but I'll just add a real one.  When you have weight issues, it's never an easy thing to take pictures next to your fit friends. 

I did make it much smaller than it loaded, though.  :)

I hope your weekend includes spending some time with your "Amy."  Friendships are one of the very best things in life.

I'd better get a move on.  Brian and I have actually kind of figured out our day, and he's anxious for me to quit writing, so we can get a move on.  We have a good day planned, and I'm glad we'll have some time for just the two of us.  Although it is tempting to plan every minute around the teenager...haha.

~Jen