I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. It's so nice to have the four days off in a row, but it always goes too quickly. I spent the week of Thanksgiving sick with some cold-type thing. I'm still not truly 100%, but I'm thinking tomorrow will be the day. It was nice to return to work yesterday with people telling me I looked so much better than last week. haha. I didn't let it stop me, though and was able to do my first Turkey Trot. I'm grateful that it didn't totally grab me as it had some coworkers who ended up on antibiotics. I know, it could've been worse and was happy to be able to spend the holidays still doing what I wanted, even though I didn't feel well. We were lucky enough to be invited over to a friend's house for Thanksgiving. This family has always included us, and we are so lucky to have them and White Five's family, who also is always so gracious with holiday invites. Having friends that become family is so special, especially for someone who desperately misses being around her family-so far from home.
I'm continuing to lose weight, although at a slow pace. I'm happy with my progress and am just a few ounces from being in that last ten. I've always looked to the next ten pound loss as my goal, because the overall number was too daunting to think about. I actually did not like to talk/think about my goal weight, because I never thought I'd get there. I remember early in this process thinking, you still won't be at your goal when you lose 100 pounds. I then would push that out of my head as I thought, there's no way you'll lose 100 pounds. No way. So, to be going into this last ten is a pretty giant deal for me. I can't say for sure if I'll think that's enough. I look at my body and think there's more than 10 pounds to lose there. For now, 10 pounds is the goal, though. I've slayed nearly 120 pounds, this next ten really needs to be my bitch.
Do you know what a burpee is? I really didn’t before this boot camp. I'd seen my friend do them while we were on vacation, but I didn't want to be creepy and watch. I knew it was something my body could not handle. Everything about burpees screams, I'll fuck up my back or my knee. Now, these are not really absurd thoughts. My body is kind of a mess. There's the part of me that always hears my knee surgeon telling me to only do non-weight bearing activities. Brian always likes to tell the story of the surgeon coming out after my surgery and telling him, "She'll never be the same." I think of the chiro who put the fear of God into me, when she explained why I can't have my back cracked- you know- because it could break. She told me a million things I couldn't do, including lifting weight over my head. I think of these things. I think of all the pain I've been through and pain I feel most days. The thing is, I keep getting stronger, and I'm having a tougher and tougher time, accepting that my body is fucked. I mean, it's now 120 pounds down from its heaviest, and we survived that. I guess, I'm tired of knowing what I think my limitation are. So, unplanned yesterday, during boot camp- I did real burpees. I was slow, but I did them-a lot of them. I didn't think I could do it, and I survived, and I survived today, though of course feeling it a bit.
Today, I'm drained. I didn't sleep well, and I really didn't want to go down to the track tonight to get my steps in. I made myself go and half a mile into my walk, decided I wanted to run…Here's the thing…I tried running a few times earlier this summer and was unable to really walk for the next few days after, each time. I finally had to tell myself to not run anymore, period. Walking works. It worked through this whole weight loss. I don't know where the fuck this came from today, but about half mile into my walk, I decided to run. I would run the 200M track and then walk a lap, repeat. I did this for the next two miles. I ran. It bothered my knee and back just a bit, but I did it. I can't tell you how happy this made me…how alive I felt. A swim mom, who I'm quite friendly with happened to be at the track on my last lap, she gave me the biggest smile and thumbs up. She had no idea, I don't run. She was just happy to see me out there, and I was so grateful for seeing her. The old me, would've beat herself up, saying she's just encouraging the fat girl to keep it up. Thank God, I don't think that way anymore. I beat myself up about enough things (holy fuck-all day today). To me, it was just a woman cheering on her friend. That, is huge progress for me. Anyway, my back is hurting quite a bit right now, but I'm hopeful I will recover more quickly than in the past. I'm also hoping my knees are forgiving as well, because I want to keep running. I need to keep making progress. The fire is returning… A couple of weeks ago, Brian and I went and shot hoops. I hadn't shot in years, but I knew I needed to feel athletic again. Being as weak as I am in the boot camp, had taken its toll, and I needed to remind myself that there is an actual athlete in there somewhere. This was big for me. It was like riding a bike-like super rusty bike, but the motions were there. Also, I beat Brian at PIG, and let's face it: that's most important. haha!
In this time of thanks, I'm especially thankful to have made some of the relationships I have lately. It feels good to feel like a part of something as great as this group I workout with. A friend from boot camp text me, while I was on the track. I told her about my running, and it felt so good to share it with someone, I knew would understand what it meant to me. I'm also especially thankful for these relationships, as I have a date for next Taco Tuesday (75 cent tacos) :)
This journey is riddled with missteps at every turn. I rarely have what I would call a "perfect day" of eating, but I've found a good balance. Thank God, because I can't picture my life without wine or tacos. Remember this on your journey- none of us are perfect, not even close. The key is to keep banging it out. Slow and steady wins the race. If you haven't started yet, please don't wait for 2018. Start now, start tomorrow. Let's go into this next year, feeling fucking great.