I didn't realize until I went to write, that I hadn't written in 18 days. I write in my head on a daily basis. Time has really been my biggest enemy lately. I wish I could write every day, even if I don't publish, but time doesn't allow for it.
Last weekend we went to a swim meet in WI. If we were going to lose a whole weekend to a meet, there was no place I would've rather been. The setting was so beautiful. There was even a lake in the backdrop of the pool. During warmups before the races, Brian and I were able to walk around that lake both days. It was such a wonderful area. I booked the hotel near a state park at Lake Michigan. We were also able to do some hiking there, seeing two deer, and spent some time on the beach. I really hadn't seen much of Lake Michigan, and it was so impressive. It was as if we were looking out at the ocean. There was no end to the water. It was a sandy beach, and I spent some time just walking around in the water. It's unbelievable to me, that body of water is a freshwater lake. It was also so nice for us to have some quality time with Caleb. He got a kick out of picking where we ate, etc.
Yesterday marked 25 years of Brian and I being together and our 22nd wedding anniversary. I'm kind of blown away by those numbers. It has all gone so fast. I was lucky enough to marry a good man. He tells me he loves me everyday, and he's a tremendous father. He works hard, and our little family always comes first to him. I often feel he deserves better than me. He deserves someone who is more sure of herself, and doesn't have to work so hard sometimes at being happy. I'm grateful he continues to stick by me, insisting that I'm his best friend. He has always remained attracted to me, even at my highest weight. I'll never understand his attraction to me, but I feel thankful for it, and am happy to say I still find him incredibly sexy. Marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done sometimes, and others, it's so effortless. Anyway, I'm really proud of the fact that we've been together so long.
A couple of weeks ago, my highest Fitbit step total was 15.000 steps. I think that was from quite a while ago. I went into that weekend, wanting to break my own PR. I didn't stop hiking until I'd beat it. I ended the day at 19,400 steps. I was wiped...I would've gone for 20,000, but I knew I was hiking in the morning, and I was already worried I'd done too much. The next day I ended around 17,000. That Thursday, I also had 16k+. Hiking really puts me into my happy place. I wish I could bottle that wellness, and drink it while I'm stuck at my desk at work. I went searching for more of that awesome feeling this weekend. I got home early in the morning Saturday, as I'd gone to a concert in Chicago that night. I got up much later than I normally would, but I made myself go hiking. Jesse and I got in 5 miles, in the nasty humidity. I felt really good about it, having only gotten a few hours sleep and having drank the night before. This morning, I got Jesse out again. We went to a trail that kicks my ass. There aren't a lot of trails around here with much incline, but this one trail has a quite a bit of it. I used to have to stop several times when going up the hills. It's a little over 3 miles, and I normally feel more comfortable-and inspired, doing it with a friend. It was humid again this morning, and after Jesse and I finished it, I took her to the car to get some water. She seemed like she was fine to hop in the car and go home....but we did it a second time. Man, that felt great!!!! Jesse has been laying around all day, like she got shot. She's in her happy place, though. She loves to work hard and equally loves to be lazy. I got it in my head that I needed to finally hit that 20,000 step mark, so I went to go for a little walk tonight. Jesse figured out what I was going to do, and was trying to get out the door. I grabbed the leash, and let her come along. It was actually cool out tonight, so she did really good. And yes....finally 20,000 steps. I feel really fucking great about it. I know it's not a lot to most people, but to me, it's huge. It shows how far I've come. I also notice just how much easier it was, versus a couple of weeks ago. I don't know if it's because I've been so active, or because I got injections in my back on Monday. My back feels so much better, than I would expect it to at this point. I woke up feeling good this morning (instead of super sore and stiff like I normally would after a lot of steps), and even now-my back feels fairly loose. I'm stoked about the freedom it appears these injections are going to give me. Last night, I even played some volleyball. I was afraid to jump, but it all worked out good. I was also concerned, I would have zero skills, as I haven't touched a volleyball since I was 19. I didn't make a fool of myself, and I'll call that a total victory. It felt so wonderful to feel athletic....that's something I rarely feel anymore.
Even though I've been so much more active lately, my weight loss sure has slowed. I only lost 2.2 pounds at my last weigh in, and that was for two weeks. It's frustrating to work so hard, and to pay such attention to what I'm eating, and not see the numbers I would expect. I was down 2 3/4" this past 4 weeks, though. I know my body is changing. I just have to work harder on my diet...I can't make excuses. I track what I eat, but I must be misrepresenting somehwere. I need to get better, but at the same time, the scale has a lot less hold over me these days.
I should let you go, but thanks for letting me tell you about my life lately. I work hard at trying to spend my time doing the things that make me happiest. I wish my head was an easier place, but it's not. Still, I'm grateful for every single day. Thanks for being a part of it. Keep up the good fight, and keep your eyes on your goals.
I'll leave you with my favorite Heart song. Ann didn't sing it on Friday night, nor when I saw them before, but it gives me an excuse to play it. Such a beautiful song-and her voice is as great today as back in the day.