We've added a new member to our family, Jesse.  She's a 1 year old (maybe a little younger) lab, beagle mix.  She really is the sweetest things.  She started at a high kill shelter in KY, where the local organization that we adopted her from had rescued her from.  She's been in with a foster family for the past few weeks. She was spayed a week and a half ago and developed an infection. 
She also had worms, when they got her.  So, she's still on meds for both.  The poor little thing has been through a ton lately, so it's bound to take her some time to feel completely settled  here.  I'm sure she has no idea that this is now her permanent home.  She doesn't know any of the basic commands, so we've got some work ahead of us.  She is housebroken, though.  And she's chewing up
everything...  I've had to stop her a few times from chewing on the pedal on my recumbent bike.  Oh Brian was pissed this morning.  She chewed up these nice, foam, Adidas flip flops I'd gotten him.  She's gotten a hold of lot of things.  We've saved Caleb's Minnie Mouse about 6 times now.  It's a matter of time, before she tears her to shreds.  I'm nervous about the chewing.  She goes right through a chew stick, and I know they aren't esp good for dogs, so I'm just letting her have one a day.  There's no place in town that sells chew toys, so I'll have to make the trek into Rockford today, to try and find her some toys. I'm also going to have to do some research today on how to help curb the chewing. 
I wasn't expecting it at this age.  She really is a wonderful dog, though.  She hardly barks (huge difference from Sara, and Junior in his last couple of years).  She's definitely taken to me.  She tends to follow me around, and lays
next to the bed, where I am.  I didn't realize Caleb had shut my door, and I thought she was with Brian downstairs last night.  I opened the door to find her laying right in front of my door.  She does look a lot like Sara, which I figure is what drew me to her.  I've even caught myself starting to call her Sara.  As it
is, I changed her name from Lacie to Jesse.  I named her after the Carly Simon
song.  I know it's the male spelling, but I stayed true to the spelling of the song.  

Things have been a little bit nuts lately.  I hardly know if I'm coming or going.  The boys are both in baseball and Cal's doing swim on top of it.  Work is
killing me...  I'm working a lot of hours and still can't seem to stay on top of it.  I did make the decision to leave the laptop at work this weekend, though.  I wanted to make this weekend about Jesse (we just got her Fri night).  Of course, first thing yesterday (Sat), my boss was emailing me to do a couple of things, but I just had to tell him I left the laptop at work, and would have to do those things Tues morning.  Hey, look at that...I didn't go running into work to do them. I'm doing my best, but it's hard to be super excited about all of these added responsibilities I didn't want, along with no raise...  But for now, it is what it is...  I will say this, though.  Brian found something out yesterday, that could be really big for our family...  I pray it works out.  And of course, as soon as I know, I'll let you guys know. For the first time in quite a while, I have hope, though.

Okay....my weight.  My  weight is consuming me, as it should be.  My knees hurt when I walk.  It's way, way out of control.  My friend wants us to take Jesse hiking tomorrow.  I'm nervous for myself.  I've been doing more, and taking some steps to get shit under control, but it is all so overwhelming.  I
have so far to go....  My anxiety had been getting the best of me lately, so I'd been drinking much more than normal.  This week, I've only had 2 beers, though (during a game of darts w/ coworkers). Drinking has been a terrible depressant for me.  So initially, it takes my anxiety level down and the feeling that goes through my chest and stomach goes away, but I wasn't stopping after one or two, which is all I needed.  Even 3 proved to be too much.  So, for now, it's best that I take special care to realize why I'm drinking, when I actually do.  I also need to pay special attention to how it's affecting me in that moment. 
Is it a normal reaction, or do I feel myself dying inside?

The weight issue has been absolutely terrible for several months now.  In fact, I can pinpoint the moment I decided to start eating.  It was almost a conscious decision to put the weight on.  It's a security blanket of sorts for me...which is funny, since it makes me even crazier.  I've mostly worked through one of the reasons why, and I'm coming very far on the other. In a nutshell, my crazy self
knows that if I'm super fat, it makes it harder for people to love me.  Less people to disappoint.  You always hear that if you don't love yourself, others can't love you.  Well, that doesn't seem to be foolproof, but the fat is a great love deterrent.

The boys are now out of school for the summer.  I've been unable to find a teen to come in and babysit.  I'm still looking, but in the meantime, Cal will go to the Parks & Rec and Ryne will go to a friend's house.  I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone, and he hates to be alone, too. It's not the most ideal of
situations, but for now, it'll have to work.  Lots of running around for me in the
morning before my long commute.  Plus, it leaves them both there for very long hours. Plus, with the dog, I'd like someone here, too.  I hate the idea of having to crate her, but I'm not going to have a choice with the chewing.  We are
renting this house, and I can see the molding and everything getting chewed to
shit. So, when we aren't here, she's going to have to be in the crate.  Okay, as soon as I'm off of here, I'm working on the babysitting situation again.  And hell, maybe I'll buy an extra lotto tix. I'm guessing since I haven't heard from my lotto partner, that we didn't win last night.  Yep, still living that Redneck retirement dream.

I hope this 3 day weekend gives you lots of time to yourself.  I know we'll all take time to reflect on what the extra day is about. There are several veterans in my family, and my cousin is still in the  Army, although thank God, is near the end. Anyway, I thank God all the time that I'm an American.  And we'll
probably end up bbq'ing tomorrow like so many others.  (If it gets warm...damn cold).  The day will be meant for family.  Hope you're able to spend it in whatever way you desire.

Oh, and there are a million songs I've been wanting to use lately, but
of course, today is dedicated to Jesse :)  I just smiled and thought of when my "Christina" sang it karaoke one time. She was bummed, because it wasn't a big hit.  But I loved it.  Can't go wrong with a song which talks about making the wine cold for you.  Oh, wine....  3 paragraphs ago I'm so proud of myself for not drinking, and now, the mention of wine, make my mouth salivate.  Ah, the inside of my fucking head...


Much Love,


Jen


Oh mother, say a prayer
for me
Jesse's back in town, it won't be easy
Don't let him near me

  Don't let him touch me
Don't let him please me


[Chorus:]
Jesse, I
won't cut fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I won't make the wine cold for
you
Jesse, I won't change the sheets for you
I won't put on cologne

  I won't sit by the phone for you


Annie, keep reminding
me
That he cut out my heart like a paper doll
Sally, tell me once
again
How he set me up just to see me fall


[Chorus]


Jesse, quick come
here
I won't tell a soul
Not even myself
Jesse, that you've come
back to me
My friends will all say "She's gone again'
But how can anyone
know what you are to me
That I'm in heave again because you've come back to
me - Oh Jessie!


Jesse, I'll always cut
fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I'll always make the wine cold for you

  Jesse, I can easily change my mind about you
And put on cologne
And sit
by the phone for you


Jesse, let's open the
wine
And drink to the heart
Which has a will of it's own
My friends,
let's comfort them
They're feeling bad
They think I've sunk so
low


Jesse, I'll always cut
fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I'll always make the wine cold for you

  Jesse, I will change the sheets for you
Put on cologne
And I will wait
by the phone for you - Oh Jesse!


 

I started to write the blog tonight, but it's one fo those nights when it's just too much.  Cal's been climbing on me and Ryno has been in here every couple of minutes.  Tornado warnings in the area, so the kids are freaking out.  It'll be fine here, but the kids always think the worst.  Huh, wonder where they get that?

Today is not my best day.  Waiting for sleep to come....  Hoping for a better tomorrow.

Hope you all had a good weekend,

Jen

Yesterday (Mother's Day) turned out to be a really nice  day.  I was a little leery when Brian had the boys bring in my card, and it was about how some see a glass half full, some half empty, a Mom sees a dirty glass that didn't get put in the sink.  Now....  I think I have a pretty good sense of humor, and I did a courtesy laugh, but really...really, really....  I hate always feeling like a nag, for getting on everyone (husband included) for cleaning up after themselves. 
There's no excuse for Brian being a slob...he's 48 years old for crying out loud.   The argument I'm always having with him, is how are the boys going to take this seriously, if you don't.  After 20 years, you'd think I'd deal with it better.  The truth is, I'm gotten more particular about having a clean home in recent years.  It makes me feel good.  Nothing makes me feel better than seeing Brian (I can't even say the boys since they've done it so few times) really pitch in (without being asked...or as he says, told...)  In fact, Brian knows it's the easiest way into my pants.  If it's been a while, he cleans.  So, I'm glad they got me a card.  I just wish it wasn't a card geared toward one of my biggest pet peeves.

Wow.  I didn't think  I'd be talking about that.  Anyway, Brian made French toast for the boys as he always does on Sunday.  We then we to the theater.  Brian and Ryne saw Iron Man, while Cal and I saw "The Croods."  What a cute movie.  Afterward, we tried to go to a couple of different restaurants, but there
were lines out the door, so we ended up at a little Thai place.  I do love Thai food.  Spring rolls with tofu and peanut sauce is one of my absolute fave foods. 
Once we got home, Brian took Ryne out to play some ball.  Cal wanted to watch some race, and I got a bit of cleaning and laundry done. I also so enjoyed hearing from friends with the Happy Mother's Day wishes.  I always enjoy those.   I then had time to read some of the "Whole" book.  It's such an inspirational book.  I brought that inspiration and my thoughts from the past weekend into today ready to go. I made a smoothie this morning (banana,
flax seed, romaine lettuce, rice milk and frozen blueberries) for breakfast. For lunch, I'd thawed out some cauliflower soup that I'd made a while back, and had a spring mix w/ herb salad. I wasn't perfect all day, but I will tell you it's a far cry from the way I've been treating my body lately.  Hey, also no pop....  I also made sure to be much more active at work today and around the house once we got home from swim practice.  I feel really good about today, and I
feel even better about tomorrow. I look forward to eating right and seeing as much of the sun as possible tomorrow.  It's actually supposed to be in the 80's.  It sucks that I'm indoors most of the day, but I'll take what I can get. Cal has baseball practice tomorrow, so hopefully I can do some walking while he practices.  It's been a while, since I've done any real sort of exercise.  

Tomorrow is also Ryne's 12th birthday.  Wow. It is crazy how quickly it goes. I still remember (so vividly) him tearing my to shreds during his birth.  Haha.  For a while, we weren't sure that we'd be able to carry a baby to term.  I was nervous the whole pregnancy.  Ryne kept me on my toes the whole time.  I threw up every single day until he was born (I literally threw up while in labor with him).  But once our little stinker came out, it was over.  I couldn't believe that Brian and me could create such a perfect little baby.  I'm smiling thinking of the things he loved to do as a toddler.  He is definitely going through a stage now, but we really are proud to be his parents.  He is such a loving boy, and to him family is everything.  I couldn't be more proud.  Huh, the things that start coming out of me while writing this blog sometimes. I didn't see that one
coming.

Anyway, I hope you all were able to enjoy your Mother's Day.

And try to remember...no matter how hard your day might be, tomorrow is a new day.  It's our chance to change our own destiny.  We only have onelife...please live it to the
fullest.


Love,


Jen

This might be thos most profound statement I've seen.  Hits home...

The weekend is finally here. This week went out with bang.  I hit it way too hard last night.  I was out with some coworkers and the drinks were a flyin'.  Drinking... I need to get it back under control. There was way too much of it this week. Last night was meant to be a one hour thing, and I was there at least 4. 
Dumb, dumb, dumb.  I felt like shit this morning and have been pretty lethargic through the day. Alcohol was a terrible kind of depressant for me last night, too.  God, I hate that.  So... I'm going to take a little break. Who knows, maybe turn the little break into a long break.  I think that's a good idea.

We are interested in adopting this dog named Lacey.  We applied online, and she was supposed to come out this morning for a home visit. Brian got called into work, though. They won't bring her out unless the whole family is here.  So, now we don't get to meet her until next Sat.  Dear God, I hope she's a good fit.   She seems like she will be.  I bought her a bed and stuff yesterday.  We are definitely ready for a dog.  I was thinking it was meant to be, with it being Mother's day weekend and all. Really bummed  about it not working out today.  I know I need a dog.  I'm desperate for what a dog brings to my heart.  Hope it
all works out next weekend!

Speaking of Mother's Day. Lynn IM'd me yesterday that someone had sent me some very nice flowers and to pick them up at the front desk. My heart about leaped out of my chest. I was thinking that Brian had finally sent me flowers for the first time ever.  I was so happy.  I then quickly that thought he didn't tell me he was spending any money (I handle the finances).  So, I figured he probably didn't do it.  I then thought it would be this one friend.  We do things like that for each other from time to time.  I was surprised, but also happy.  I've been feeling a little blue lately so was ready for the pickup from whoever it was that was showing me love.  I get up there to find that the co. I work for had sent them to each of us mothers.  (There's only like 5 of us.  The plant is nearly all
men).  Now, mind you...that certainly was a surprise to get them from work.  But my heart did break a little...or a lot.

After the morning didn't turn out like we hope, Brian having to go into work, and us not meeting what could be our dog.  I decided to treat the boys to breakfast at a restaurant.  Cal was really excited, but Ryne immediately threw a fit and said he didn't want to go.  I let him act like that, and a bit later I told him to get ready because I wanted to spend time with him and he was coming. 
He stomped around and while brushing his teeth was throwing a literal fit
yelling, "I don't want to go!"  I snapped.  I went into the bathroom, had him spit out his toothpaste and sent him to his room. I took the Wii out and told him he was to stay in his room.  He had really hurt my feelings, and I wasn't going to put up with being treated like that. He broke down and then wanted to come, but I held my ground.  It really broke my heart.  It's funny how we would do absolutely anything for our kids and just how much they can take us for granted.  Like we aren't real people. It feels like we are just the women who are there to cook, clean, grocery shop, and run them to practices.  I know Ryne love me.  He truly does, but he's going through a pre-teen stage (he'll be 12 in a couple of days).  This stage is not fun.  I certainly don't know how equipped I am to handle a teenager.

It's funny how Mother's Day isn't what we all hope and pray for.  I was just reading an article that the busiest day of the year for women to sign up for Ashley Madison (the cheating website) is the day after Mother's Day.  It's
a day that so many deserving women feel so underappreciated.  It's really unfortunate.  One of my close friend's is a single mother, and she was just telling me how much she hates the holiday.  She finds it so depressing. 
Another friend of mine, ties one of the worst experiences of her life to
the holiday weekend.  I know my Mom is bound to be disappointed in me, too. 
I sent her things too late, so she won't have a card or anything from me
tomorrow.  I hope one of my other sisters hit it out of the park for her.

Blah, blah, blah. Enough of all of this whiney ass shit. I took a nap after Cal and I went to breakfast (and post office to mail late bday cards and Mother's Day
stuff). Thank God for the nap.  It gave Ryne time to really think about
everything and he seems truly sorry.  It gave me sleep.  A decent sleep.  Those have been hard to come by lately.  It's horrible weather out there, so I'm holed up in my room, writing this while listening to Natalie Maines new c.d.  Of course, I love it.  I love her. The music, the clicking of the keys, and the rain pounding against the window are all a very curiously soothing sound. After this, I think I'm going to start reading, "Whole, Rethinking the Science of Nutrition."  Amy bought it for me, and it just came today. It's written by the same man who wrote, "The China Study."  This book looks much easier to read the TCS was, though.  I'm looking forward to the inspiration found in these pages.  I'm ready. The only way I'm going to start feeling better, is if I start taking care of myself.  I need to start putting myself first.  I've taken some steps this week to do just that.  I'm so desperate to be the person I know I really am.

To all of you mothers out there.  I really hope you are able to enjoy your weekend.  Kids truly are the greatest gift we'll ever know.  We all know that.  It's also the hardest work we'll ever know.  I hope you're afforded a day of pampering.  Hey, even if you have to do it for yourself.  Treat yourself like the Queen you are.  And whatever you do, please don't sign up on Ashley fucking Madison.


Much Love,


Jen

Today felt like a week. Really, there were so many different compartments to today, that it just feels like a bunch of days all jumbled up into one.  The day of course started with work...work...work....  It was one of those mornings that where you feel like a hamster just running on the wheel.  Every time I'd start something, I'd be interrupted by something more important, or something the other person perceived to be the most important thing of the day.  Holy shit was I in a bad mood.  I didn't really try to hide it, either.  It's not like I took it out on anyone, but I certainly wasn't taking the time to be nice by saying hi or chatting with anyone.  The morning bled into a terrible Dr's appt.  You know the type of appointment, where you feel like you exhausted yourself, but nothing good comes out of it.  You know...like most Dr's  appointments.  It was then back to work.  Oh, but wait, there's a new development.  It's 9:06 P.M. and
my work friend that I do lotto with just called to tell me that in about 25 mins
we just might be splitting 225 million dollars. That's what I'm talking about! Anyway, the afternoon afforded me a little bit of opportunity to get off the hamster wheel and get a tiny percent of my work done.  It's only because I
backed out of a 2 hour long meeting 5 minutes before it was to begin. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get 2x the work done, while spending 1/3 of my time in meetings...  But oh well...  Work ended on a good note, with the signing of a contact which was beneficial to both parties, and me calling it a day after 9 hours.  A couple of us had planned on having a beer after work, as Brian was getting off early and taking Cal to swim practice.  Work BFF and a couple of
other coworkers came out and we had a couple of beers and played a game of
darts.  We were talking about music so Work BFF would play the songs I was talking about for the guys and suddenly I was throwing the best I thing I've ever thrown.  Our coworkers are much younger guys, so it was awesome that we were all on the same page about new music.  What rhymes with hug me?  I was only out about an hour and a half, but man alive it was nice.  This has not been my favorite week or so.  Anyway, it was just what the Dr.ordered.  Once I got home, Cal and I worked on his homework while Brian and Ryne went and threw the baseball around.  Ryne started a couple of weeks ago and Cal started yesterday. 'Tis the season!

After homework, I relaxed on the deck while the sun was  still out.  Yes, the sun.  It has been a beautiful couple of days outside.  Cal and I rocked out to
some Dixie Chicks.  I love how much he loves them!  And look at me...acting all grown up and stuff, waiting until Friday to buy the new Natalie Maines album.  Yes, I'm waiting for payday, like someone who actually spends their money wisely.  But anyway, it's so nice to sit outside and listen to good music.  Once we got the boys to bed, I got an email back about a dog that we are interested in adopting, wanting to set up an in home visit.  You know, adopting a child from a different country might be easier than adopting a pet.  Wow. The hoops one goes through are crazy. But I guess that's good.  I know I'm crazy, but not the kind of bad crazy.  I don't have confidence in many things in my life, but I'm pretty confident that I'm good for a pet.  And they are equally, if not more so, good for me. This bring us to now...  Ooh, 6 minutes before becoming a multi millionaire :) Everyone is in bed, and I'm enjoying some blue mountains while listening  to music and talking to myself via this blog. I mean, really...isn't that what a blog is?  Talking to oneself?  Since I seem to be incapable of
inspiring via this medium, I guess I'll use it for myself. Maybe I'll convince myself that I'm not as crazy, lazy, dumb, unmotivated, and undeserving as I feel on a minute by minute basis.  Just maybe ;)

Back to the Dixie Chicks.... I think I really just might be obsessed. Natalie Maines' voice sounds like home to me. Their lyrics are pure magic.  It could be something as powerful as Silent House (about Alzheimer's), Favorite Year (that lets you play magical games thinking about your youth), or Sin Wagon, and just how much it totally rocks.  How can a song completely driven by a line out of Grease not rock?  If this were another lifetime, and I found myself unmarried, with no children I think I would somehow find a living being a roadie for the Dixie Chicks (and Pink, No Doubt, Rolling Stone, etc., while the DCX is on one of their long hiatuses).  Really, I honestly think I could be happy doing that.  Yes, I know I can get bored anywhere, even during a concert.  But music really brings me as much happiness as I can possibly find outside of my
 immediate family.  I'm not at all saying I would trade my life in to be a roadie. I'm just saying in an alternate universe, I'd find another version of happiness.  How fitting, that as I'm writing about this, Who Knew? has come on Sirius.  I adore the video I took  during the concert.  It amazes me how taking that video on my phone would carry such a powerful performance.  Man, Pink is good.  I know you're good, I know you're good, I know you're real good.

So, there have been a dozen songs I've thought about for today, especially in my small amount of time out with my coworkers.  But it was my drive home, and a million times lately, that I have this same fantasy going through my head.  My fave 70's song recently has been Right Down the Line.  In my fantasy, Brian and I are out at a karaoke bar and he's singing me this song. He's singing it to me, like he's written it for me.  Like he loves me so much, the only way he can convince me of how much, is through song. LOL.  I know...but it's my fantasy. 
Brian would sooner die than go to a karaoke bar, let alone sing.  But, I like to picture it happening.  It's funny.  I've been obsessing on this song for a few months now, and recently an old coworker/friend proposed to his girlfriend, and he wrote the lyrics to this song on the chalkboard outside of the hotel room door to help him do it. How cool.  And I thought I was the only one that realized the brilliance of this song?  Haha.  It was probably song of the year of something in the 70's.  Anyway, I hope you all are having a fantastic night. 
I am.  If drinking a nice cold Coors Light, listening to music, and talking about myself is wrong: I don't want to be right.

Much Love,

Jen


Songwriters:
GERRY RAFFERTY



You
know I need your love, you got that hold over me
As long as I got your love,
you know that I'll never leave
When I wanted you to share my life, I had no
doubt in my mind
And it's been you, woman, right down the line.

I know
how much I lean on you, only you can see
The changes that I've been through
have left their mark on me
You've been as constant as the Northern Star, the
brightest light that shines
It's been you, woman, right down the line.


I just wanna say this is my way
Of telling you everything I could never
say before
Yeah this is my way of telling you that everyday I'm loving you
(so much more)

‘Cause you believed in me through my darkest night

Put something better inside of me, you brought me into the light
Threw away
all those crazy dreams, I put them all behind
And it was you, woman, right
down the line.

I just wanna say this is my way
Of telling you
everything I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of telling you that
everyday I'm loving you (so much more)

If I should doubt myself, if I'm
losing ground
I won't turn to someone else, they'd only let me down
When I
wanted you to share my life, I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you,
woman, right down the line.

Holy smokes....it's been a whirlwind lately.  I flew out to Spokane last weekend for a very quick trip.  Note to self...don't ever try to do a trip like that in such a short amount of time again.  It's a long day of flying each way, which takes its toll in addition to a jam packed trip.  My first day there was very full.   I was able to spend the first half of the day with my sister Brooke, her daughter Mady, and our cousin Haley.  We went out to a fantastic Thai & Sushi lunch and then hit a garage sale jackpot. Brooke and Haley both got some great finds!  I rarely go to garage sales. I just don't have the patience of wading
through all the crap to possibly find something I may not really need.  But it was great in that they were super excited about their finds. Brooke and Mady even both got new t.v.'s!  My friend Tammi flew in that afternoon, and we went right to see the movie, "The Host."  Tammi had turned me on to the book,
which was fantastic, so we were excited to see the movie together.  OMG... It turned out to be precious time we'll never get back.  At one point, Tammi whispered, "it's just like the book.  It took a while to get good."  I said, "it got good?"  Tammi started laughing and couldn't stop, which started me laughing and I swear it went back and forth for a couple of minutes.  Real nice for a quiet movie set in the middle of the desert. Brooke then took us over to my sister Nealy's house for a BBQ.  Nealy really went all out.  It was a wonderful BBQ, and so very great to see her family. 2 years is way too long...  My friend Kathy (H.P.) came over for a while, too. I started to get unbelievably tired. I guess the long trip, couple of beers and food all hit me at once.  When H.P. left, I tried to rally.  Everyone was having a great time sitting around the fire pit, but I went
out to the couch and fell asleep.  Yeah, real nice...  All that work to throw me a nice party, and I couldn't stay awake.  I felt/feel very bad about that.

Saturday found us equally as busy.  Brooke, Tammi, and me met up w/ Haley, and Nealy and her family for lunch.  It really was nice to visit with them, when I wasn't as exhausted.  I was also able to see Haley's room at the salon she works at.  Afterward, we took the kids to Target so Auntie could spoil them rotten. 
From there, we headed to H.P.'s birthday party.  We stopped at a gas station to grab some beer, and while walking in a pit bull came flying through the parking lot, with a leash dragging behind her.  I called her over, she came to me, and I quickly grabbed the leash.  She was a very friendly dog and pulling very hard on the leash.  At first, I couldn't find anyone to claim her.  And I thought shit....Brooke isn't going to be happy about this.  Soon, a lady came screaming in saying that the dog had jumped from a moving car.  An SUV then came pulling up and two men came charging toward the dog.  I thought they were going to beat her, and I thought, oh fuck...they are so not getting this dog.  But the guys came over and the dog immediately rolled over onto her back. They then looked her over and were checking out her injuries.  She looked pretty good, but she was skinned up good and had a limp.  That dog had so much adrenaline running through her. Anyway, it all turned out well I guess. But that short experience with that dog put dogs back on my mind, and it hasn't gone
away.

H.P.'s party was really cool.  I had heard plenty about her brother and sister over the years, so it was so nice to finally meet them.  Dare I say, they are nearly as cool as her.  I had a fantastic time catching up with H.P., and the Brooker and Tammi really bonded. We all had a wonderful time.  It was really hard to leave my dear friend and her husband Joe.  I miss them so much.

We arrived back at Brooker's riding some good buzzes.  We stayed up and chatted for a while, while we hit the leftovers hard.  Let me tell you...cold lobster rolls might be the best drunk food ever!  We didn't stay up too late, as Tammi and I needed to be up by 4 for our early flight. The plane was light,
so we were able to sit next to each other on the flight over to Seattle.  Even though she was crazy tired, she hung out with me for an hour and a half until my flight to Chicago.  That's a true friend.  All the way around she's a true friend.  I'm blown away that she would fly over just to spend time with me.  It was so wonderful to spend time with her.  It's like hanging out with a therapist.  She's crazy, fucking smart!

I got back home Sunday night (I live a couple of hours from the airport), and I immediately fell asleep. The job, the quick trip, all of it just swallowed me whole.  I went from that to an absolutely insane week at work.  We were on a mini shut-down, so that meant long, stressful hours.  Oh yes, in addition to it being the end of month. Great planning...  In a nutshell, this work week
sucked.  And I mean, really sucked the big dick.  I see no light at the end of the tunnel.  I know it has to be there, and I'm searching hard to find it.  But...I don't see it.

I was the last one to leave on Friday, and I met up with my coworkers at the bar.  My intention was only to stay for a very short time.  It was a great night, though.  It was just one of those super fun nights that you know is going to be
one of the best ones.  I think I was there about an hour and a half, and my friend and me were going to order dinner, when she went to the bathroom. 
I knew dinner was going to turn into more drinks, and good music was
playing....so I pulled a "Jen."  I told one person I was leaving, and I got the hell out of there. I knew if I told any of my friends I was leaving, I'd get talked into
staying.  It wouldn't have taken much.  haha.  I'm so glad I left, though.  It was such a long week, I needed to get home and see the family.

Today was really a nice, day.  Brian and I had a really nice time together.  Lately I've felt disconnected...from just about everything in my life.  It's nice that he helped to pull me back in.  We made plans to get a dog.  He's been fighting me on this, but finally gave in today. Even after he gave in, he was not happy about it, but after a while of looking at adoptable dogs online, he finally got into it.  He picked out a 6 month old lab mix.  He sure is a cutie!  I wanted one that was older, but I realize the compromise he's making, I want him to feel good about what dog we choose.  We've done the online application, so now we wait to hear.  I imagine they'll call us on Monday to set up a meeting.  Very exciting!  

We spent the rest of the day in Rockford doing some  shopping.  We needed a lawnmower, and we were super short on groceries.  We were especially lacking on anything healthy. We bought tons of fresh fruits and veggies.  I'm ready... I can't tell you how ready I am to get on track...  My weight consumes me and makes me very, very sad.  I've let me weight steal too much of my thoughts and my joy.  I'm the only one that can change this.  I pray I have the strength.  I so need this...  I need to feel alive.  It's my fault that I've let myself get this bad.  I
have to work hard to get out of it.

Alrighty then...  So, I've just turned on True Blood for the first time.  I've heard about one of those vampire shows and how it's mostly just hot vampires having sex all the time.  Hope this is the one.  haha.

Happy weekend everyone,


Jen