We've added a new member to our family, Jesse. She's a 1 year old (maybe a little younger) lab, beagle mix. She really is the sweetest things. She started at a high kill shelter in KY, where the local organization that we adopted her from had rescued her from. She's been in with a foster family for the past few weeks. She was spayed a week and a half ago and developed an infection.
She also had worms, when they got her. So, she's still on meds for both. The poor little thing has been through a ton lately, so it's bound to take her some time to feel completely settled here. I'm sure she has no idea that this is now her permanent home. She doesn't know any of the basic commands, so we've got some work ahead of us. She is housebroken, though. And she's chewing up
everything... I've had to stop her a few times from chewing on the pedal on my recumbent bike. Oh Brian was pissed this morning. She chewed up these nice, foam, Adidas flip flops I'd gotten him. She's gotten a hold of lot of things. We've saved Caleb's Minnie Mouse about 6 times now. It's a matter of time, before she tears her to shreds. I'm nervous about the chewing. She goes right through a chew stick, and I know they aren't esp good for dogs, so I'm just letting her have one a day. There's no place in town that sells chew toys, so I'll have to make the trek into Rockford today, to try and find her some toys. I'm also going to have to do some research today on how to help curb the chewing.
I wasn't expecting it at this age. She really is a wonderful dog, though. She hardly barks (huge difference from Sara, and Junior in his last couple of years). She's definitely taken to me. She tends to follow me around, and lays
next to the bed, where I am. I didn't realize Caleb had shut my door, and I thought she was with Brian downstairs last night. I opened the door to find her laying right in front of my door. She does look a lot like Sara, which I figure is what drew me to her. I've even caught myself starting to call her Sara. As it
is, I changed her name from Lacie to Jesse. I named her after the Carly Simon
song. I know it's the male spelling, but I stayed true to the spelling of the song.
Things have been a little bit nuts lately. I hardly know if I'm coming or going. The boys are both in baseball and Cal's doing swim on top of it. Work is
killing me... I'm working a lot of hours and still can't seem to stay on top of it. I did make the decision to leave the laptop at work this weekend, though. I wanted to make this weekend about Jesse (we just got her Fri night). Of course, first thing yesterday (Sat), my boss was emailing me to do a couple of things, but I just had to tell him I left the laptop at work, and would have to do those things Tues morning. Hey, look at that...I didn't go running into work to do them. I'm doing my best, but it's hard to be super excited about all of these added responsibilities I didn't want, along with no raise... But for now, it is what it is... I will say this, though. Brian found something out yesterday, that could be really big for our family... I pray it works out. And of course, as soon as I know, I'll let you guys know. For the first time in quite a while, I have hope, though.
Okay....my weight. My weight is consuming me, as it should be. My knees hurt when I walk. It's way, way out of control. My friend wants us to take Jesse hiking tomorrow. I'm nervous for myself. I've been doing more, and taking some steps to get shit under control, but it is all so overwhelming. I
have so far to go.... My anxiety had been getting the best of me lately, so I'd been drinking much more than normal. This week, I've only had 2 beers, though (during a game of darts w/ coworkers). Drinking has been a terrible depressant for me. So initially, it takes my anxiety level down and the feeling that goes through my chest and stomach goes away, but I wasn't stopping after one or two, which is all I needed. Even 3 proved to be too much. So, for now, it's best that I take special care to realize why I'm drinking, when I actually do. I also need to pay special attention to how it's affecting me in that moment.
Is it a normal reaction, or do I feel myself dying inside?
The weight issue has been absolutely terrible for several months now. In fact, I can pinpoint the moment I decided to start eating. It was almost a conscious decision to put the weight on. It's a security blanket of sorts for me...which is funny, since it makes me even crazier. I've mostly worked through one of the reasons why, and I'm coming very far on the other. In a nutshell, my crazy self
knows that if I'm super fat, it makes it harder for people to love me. Less people to disappoint. You always hear that if you don't love yourself, others can't love you. Well, that doesn't seem to be foolproof, but the fat is a great love deterrent.
The boys are now out of school for the summer. I've been unable to find a teen to come in and babysit. I'm still looking, but in the meantime, Cal will go to the Parks & Rec and Ryne will go to a friend's house. I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone, and he hates to be alone, too. It's not the most ideal of
situations, but for now, it'll have to work. Lots of running around for me in the
morning before my long commute. Plus, it leaves them both there for very long hours. Plus, with the dog, I'd like someone here, too. I hate the idea of having to crate her, but I'm not going to have a choice with the chewing. We are
renting this house, and I can see the molding and everything getting chewed to
shit. So, when we aren't here, she's going to have to be in the crate. Okay, as soon as I'm off of here, I'm working on the babysitting situation again. And hell, maybe I'll buy an extra lotto tix. I'm guessing since I haven't heard from my lotto partner, that we didn't win last night. Yep, still living that Redneck retirement dream.
I hope this 3 day weekend gives you lots of time to yourself. I know we'll all take time to reflect on what the extra day is about. There are several veterans in my family, and my cousin is still in the Army, although thank God, is near the end. Anyway, I thank God all the time that I'm an American. And we'll
probably end up bbq'ing tomorrow like so many others. (If it gets warm...damn cold). The day will be meant for family. Hope you're able to spend it in whatever way you desire.
Oh, and there are a million songs I've been wanting to use lately, but
of course, today is dedicated to Jesse :) I just smiled and thought of when my "Christina" sang it karaoke one time. She was bummed, because it wasn't a big hit. But I loved it. Can't go wrong with a song which talks about making the wine cold for you. Oh, wine.... 3 paragraphs ago I'm so proud of myself for not drinking, and now, the mention of wine, make my mouth salivate. Ah, the inside of my fucking head...
Much Love,
Jen
Oh mother, say a prayer
for me
Jesse's back in town, it won't be easy
Don't let him near me
Don't let him touch me
Don't let him please me
[Chorus:]
Jesse, I
won't cut fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I won't make the wine cold for
you
Jesse, I won't change the sheets for you
I won't put on cologne
I won't sit by the phone for you
Annie, keep reminding
me
That he cut out my heart like a paper doll
Sally, tell me once
again
How he set me up just to see me fall
[Chorus]
Jesse, quick come
here
I won't tell a soul
Not even myself
Jesse, that you've come
back to me
My friends will all say "She's gone again'
But how can anyone
know what you are to me
That I'm in heave again because you've come back to
me - Oh Jessie!
Jesse, I'll always cut
fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I'll always make the wine cold for you
Jesse, I can easily change my mind about you
And put on cologne
And sit
by the phone for you
Jesse, let's open the
wine
And drink to the heart
Which has a will of it's own
My friends,
let's comfort them
They're feeling bad
They think I've sunk so
low
Jesse, I'll always cut
fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I'll always make the wine cold for you
Jesse, I will change the sheets for you
Put on cologne
And I will wait
by the phone for you - Oh Jesse!
She also had worms, when they got her. So, she's still on meds for both. The poor little thing has been through a ton lately, so it's bound to take her some time to feel completely settled here. I'm sure she has no idea that this is now her permanent home. She doesn't know any of the basic commands, so we've got some work ahead of us. She is housebroken, though. And she's chewing up
everything... I've had to stop her a few times from chewing on the pedal on my recumbent bike. Oh Brian was pissed this morning. She chewed up these nice, foam, Adidas flip flops I'd gotten him. She's gotten a hold of lot of things. We've saved Caleb's Minnie Mouse about 6 times now. It's a matter of time, before she tears her to shreds. I'm nervous about the chewing. She goes right through a chew stick, and I know they aren't esp good for dogs, so I'm just letting her have one a day. There's no place in town that sells chew toys, so I'll have to make the trek into Rockford today, to try and find her some toys. I'm also going to have to do some research today on how to help curb the chewing.
I wasn't expecting it at this age. She really is a wonderful dog, though. She hardly barks (huge difference from Sara, and Junior in his last couple of years). She's definitely taken to me. She tends to follow me around, and lays
next to the bed, where I am. I didn't realize Caleb had shut my door, and I thought she was with Brian downstairs last night. I opened the door to find her laying right in front of my door. She does look a lot like Sara, which I figure is what drew me to her. I've even caught myself starting to call her Sara. As it
is, I changed her name from Lacie to Jesse. I named her after the Carly Simon
song. I know it's the male spelling, but I stayed true to the spelling of the song.
Things have been a little bit nuts lately. I hardly know if I'm coming or going. The boys are both in baseball and Cal's doing swim on top of it. Work is
killing me... I'm working a lot of hours and still can't seem to stay on top of it. I did make the decision to leave the laptop at work this weekend, though. I wanted to make this weekend about Jesse (we just got her Fri night). Of course, first thing yesterday (Sat), my boss was emailing me to do a couple of things, but I just had to tell him I left the laptop at work, and would have to do those things Tues morning. Hey, look at that...I didn't go running into work to do them. I'm doing my best, but it's hard to be super excited about all of these added responsibilities I didn't want, along with no raise... But for now, it is what it is... I will say this, though. Brian found something out yesterday, that could be really big for our family... I pray it works out. And of course, as soon as I know, I'll let you guys know. For the first time in quite a while, I have hope, though.
Okay....my weight. My weight is consuming me, as it should be. My knees hurt when I walk. It's way, way out of control. My friend wants us to take Jesse hiking tomorrow. I'm nervous for myself. I've been doing more, and taking some steps to get shit under control, but it is all so overwhelming. I
have so far to go.... My anxiety had been getting the best of me lately, so I'd been drinking much more than normal. This week, I've only had 2 beers, though (during a game of darts w/ coworkers). Drinking has been a terrible depressant for me. So initially, it takes my anxiety level down and the feeling that goes through my chest and stomach goes away, but I wasn't stopping after one or two, which is all I needed. Even 3 proved to be too much. So, for now, it's best that I take special care to realize why I'm drinking, when I actually do. I also need to pay special attention to how it's affecting me in that moment.
Is it a normal reaction, or do I feel myself dying inside?
The weight issue has been absolutely terrible for several months now. In fact, I can pinpoint the moment I decided to start eating. It was almost a conscious decision to put the weight on. It's a security blanket of sorts for me...which is funny, since it makes me even crazier. I've mostly worked through one of the reasons why, and I'm coming very far on the other. In a nutshell, my crazy self
knows that if I'm super fat, it makes it harder for people to love me. Less people to disappoint. You always hear that if you don't love yourself, others can't love you. Well, that doesn't seem to be foolproof, but the fat is a great love deterrent.
The boys are now out of school for the summer. I've been unable to find a teen to come in and babysit. I'm still looking, but in the meantime, Cal will go to the Parks & Rec and Ryne will go to a friend's house. I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone, and he hates to be alone, too. It's not the most ideal of
situations, but for now, it'll have to work. Lots of running around for me in the
morning before my long commute. Plus, it leaves them both there for very long hours. Plus, with the dog, I'd like someone here, too. I hate the idea of having to crate her, but I'm not going to have a choice with the chewing. We are
renting this house, and I can see the molding and everything getting chewed to
shit. So, when we aren't here, she's going to have to be in the crate. Okay, as soon as I'm off of here, I'm working on the babysitting situation again. And hell, maybe I'll buy an extra lotto tix. I'm guessing since I haven't heard from my lotto partner, that we didn't win last night. Yep, still living that Redneck retirement dream.
I hope this 3 day weekend gives you lots of time to yourself. I know we'll all take time to reflect on what the extra day is about. There are several veterans in my family, and my cousin is still in the Army, although thank God, is near the end. Anyway, I thank God all the time that I'm an American. And we'll
probably end up bbq'ing tomorrow like so many others. (If it gets warm...damn cold). The day will be meant for family. Hope you're able to spend it in whatever way you desire.
Oh, and there are a million songs I've been wanting to use lately, but
of course, today is dedicated to Jesse :) I just smiled and thought of when my "Christina" sang it karaoke one time. She was bummed, because it wasn't a big hit. But I loved it. Can't go wrong with a song which talks about making the wine cold for you. Oh, wine.... 3 paragraphs ago I'm so proud of myself for not drinking, and now, the mention of wine, make my mouth salivate. Ah, the inside of my fucking head...
Much Love,
Jen
Oh mother, say a prayer
for me
Jesse's back in town, it won't be easy
Don't let him near me
Don't let him touch me
Don't let him please me
[Chorus:]
Jesse, I
won't cut fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I won't make the wine cold for
you
Jesse, I won't change the sheets for you
I won't put on cologne
I won't sit by the phone for you
Annie, keep reminding
me
That he cut out my heart like a paper doll
Sally, tell me once
again
How he set me up just to see me fall
[Chorus]
Jesse, quick come
here
I won't tell a soul
Not even myself
Jesse, that you've come
back to me
My friends will all say "She's gone again'
But how can anyone
know what you are to me
That I'm in heave again because you've come back to
me - Oh Jessie!
Jesse, I'll always cut
fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I'll always make the wine cold for you
Jesse, I can easily change my mind about you
And put on cologne
And sit
by the phone for you
Jesse, let's open the
wine
And drink to the heart
Which has a will of it's own
My friends,
let's comfort them
They're feeling bad
They think I've sunk so
low
Jesse, I'll always cut
fresh flowers for you
Jesse, I'll always make the wine cold for you
Jesse, I will change the sheets for you
Put on cologne
And I will wait
by the phone for you - Oh Jesse!
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