like it was just weeks ago and in others a lifetime. I initially started this thing in order to motivate myself to lose weight, and hopefully inspire others to do the same alongside me. While the original motive is still key, this website has gone a million different directions over the past year. There have been good stretches of weight loss, and well, quite frankly, horrid periods of weight gain and depression. I guess if there was ever a year, I’d want to document for my own personal reasons, this would be the year. This site was started a month after a difficult move to IL. We lived in a really small town (with no grocery store), and town folks who were not at all excited about outsiders coming in.
Especially when we were those “windmill people.” The wind turbines aren’t very popular in the area we initially moved to. For the life of me, I can’t
really understand why…. They are great for the environment, they bring a lot of money into those little towns & schools, local people are hired, etc. The only “valid” complaint I’ve heard is that sometimes they have blurry t.v. reception (for those who have antenna t.v.). But those same people who have issues with their reception, knew that could be an issue and those are the people who are getting paid a ton to have them on their property. One night at a bar, a guy was going off about them to me, and then bragged that he has some on his property and makes 10k a month off of them. But he says he only signed on because he neighbors did….hmmmm…. Thank God we moved (just a few weeks ago) to another town quite a ways away. I really did not like it there. I never made any real friends, and it was really hard to be there. Leaving Walnut is one of the smartest things we’ve ever done. Although, I really would’ve liked to have moved west. But if we are going to stay in IL, I like our new little town.
So, along with lots of weight loss, exercise, lifestyle choices, this website really has turned into a journal for me. For better or worse, this documents the past year of my life, which in many ways has been one of the toughest of my life. I’ve been really upfront about my weight…and about my depression and anxiety issues. All of which probably tie into each other in different ways.
When I first started talking openly (well, really about everything), I had to really evaluate if that was a smart thing for me to do. It didn’t make me feel better by writing it out and knowing people were reading it. But then a funny
thing happened: I started hearing from a bunch of you and how much you related to what I was talking about. I heard from people I’d known my whole life, but never knew they felt the same way I did about things or that they too, struggled with clinical depression. I heard several times: “I thought I was
the only one going through this.” That’s exactly what I thought. It’s because of this site that I’ve been able to accept (on some levels) my depression and that it is clinical. I always just considered myself as being fucked up. Then I’d hear from people that I truly admired, and how much they could relate to me. So with that, I’ve continued speaking openly about everything in my life. This year you’ve heard all about my kids, my marriage (which is the greatest positive of this past year…our relationship is stronger than it’s ever been in the 20 years we’ve been together), my friends, my ability to fit swear words into almost any given sentence, my failings as a friend, music, my dogs…., and everything in between. I’d say I’ve talked more about those things than actual diet in the past year. While I’ll continue to talk about all of those things, I am really trying to get back to the reason I started this thing to begin with: weight loss. How we
feel about our weight, really influences almost everything in our lives. I know with me it does. The weight makes me feel like a true failure on so many levels. It makes no sense to me, how I keep struggling with that same fucking issue. It was really important to me not to come into this one year anniversary
heavier than when I started this thing. Thank God, I pulled my head out of my head this past week and had a great weight loss. It’s only 4 lbs. less than when I started this thing, but I’ll take it. I feel like I’m on the road to recovery in so many ways. I feel really, really good. I want you all to feel this way. Even if my methods (when I’m actually doing it) aren’t right for you, I pray you find a way to get where you want to be. If you do, please share it with us. If you aren’t comfortable with that, continue to email or message me privately. I can’t tell you how much it means to me when I hear from you guys. In some ways, I guess this site makes me feel like I have a purpose. I know that sounds silly. It’s not like we have a ton of people reading this, but I’m grateful to every single
person who ever has.
In closing, I’m hoping that this first year, is just Chapter 1: Struggles and maintaining an unhealthy weight. I’m now on Chapter 2: I feel really fucking
I’d like to thank my cousin Melinda for offering some awesome advice along the way. And of course, I’d like to thank Amy for her contributions to this site this year. It’s funny…Amy and I have been very close for a long time, and this year has been a real test of our friendship. But I guess those things happen, and thankfully we are now as close as we’ve ever been. I hope she’ll be imparting us with her wisdom again soon. She really is the most disciplined person I’ve ever known. You’d think more of that would’ve rubbed off on me by now :)
I guess I’ll quit my rambling. You’ve heard enough of them over this past 12 months. My advice to you today is to eat your fruits and veggies ppl. For God’s sake….eat them, and then eat some more. You’ll be shitting like a champ (and feeling like one) almost immediately. Oh, and yes, stay off the heroin (soda…) It’s still my demon, but I am down to one a day. Soon, I’ll stop taking that “poison.” Hope the same for you.
6:45 Smoothie (water, flax seed, spinach, banana, blueberries), Can of Diet Coke
8:20 Oatmeal Lower sugar (pack of plain and pack of maple and brown sugar w/ water)
11:45 Sandwich (wheat sandwich thin bread (100 cals), 1/2 avocado, 1/2 tomato, 2 romaine leaves lettuce), red apple
12:30 Green tea (hot)
2:15 Large glass of green juice
6:05 Granola bar
7:30 Mashed potatoes (made w/ rice milk and Smart Balance), with a little gravy, and a salad
1 hour walk