It’s funny how a day can turn from one way to another without any warning. I
don’t mean in the sense that something tragic happened. I just mean our moods or how we feel physically. Yesterday was an awesomday. Unfortunately, I had to top off the “awesome” day with therapy. Ugh. I was bound and determined not to let therapy ruin my mood, but of course it probably contributed in some way to the rest of my evening. My mistake was talking about Junior, I think…. Every day is getting harder. When we first had to put him down, I had a small sense of relief that he was no longer suffering, and that I would no longer be responsible for deciding when my dog would die…. For a few days after, there was also a sense of no longer stressing about him all day and all the work and money that went into trying to ensure that he had as good of quality of life as possible. I also was putting a lot of love into the black kitten….and I still try to tell myself someone found her and let her into their home and is taking good care of her…. But since that first week, the sense of loss has progressively gotten worse. I hate coming home to an empty house. I hate waking up in the morning and not having my dogs to take care of. Also, since losing Junior, it’s brought on a whole new sense of grief over Sara. She’s been gone about 14 mos, but I had to put so much energy into Jr. that it was a distraction. So, I find myself missing my dogs a lot. I don’t know that getting a
new dog is the answer. I miss my dogs. I can honestly say that when we got Junior it taught me an unconditional love that I don’t know that I’d known before in my life. I’m so untrusting by nature that it was so nice to just trust and love without wondering what they needed from me, or even wondering what I needed from him. It was just easy. I know I probably sound like a lunatic, but I honestly and truly loved those dogs, and they loved me.
No matter how poor of a parent I may have been to them at times. They loved me…. Other than my kids, it’s the only love I’ve never had to second guess. Well, enough of that.
But despite a kind of heavy therapy session, I came home with the intention of cracking open a beer, buying some new music and making some c.d.’s. Within 15 mins of being home, I just started to feel really ill. I laid down and fell asleep for a couple of hours. I woke up for a bit, but still stayed in bed for the rest of the night. Today I still feel like crap. My body aches, along with my head. I don’t know if it’s all of the crap I’ve been eating or if it’s b/c my period is approaching. It’s probably a combo of both. So, I’m eating good today and limiting myself to one diet soda. If the headache becomes unbearable b/c
of the sugar/caffeine withdrawals, I’ll go to hot tea. So, my mood certainly isn’t as good as yesterday, but it’s not a depression, either. It’s just feeling yucky and trying to make it through the day. Hopefully I’ll get a lot more sleep tonight and wake up feeling good tomorrow!
I’m not putting the lyrics down for this song, other than the fact that I love it.
I heard it on the way to work this morning. I don’t love all Coldplay songs, but I love the hell out of some of them. I think Chris Martin is brilliant.
The Scientist
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start Running in circles,
coming up tails Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was
easy No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress Do not
speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me,
come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh oohAh
ooh, ooh ooh ooh oohOh ooh, ooh ooh ooh
oohOh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
don’t mean in the sense that something tragic happened. I just mean our moods or how we feel physically. Yesterday was an awesomday. Unfortunately, I had to top off the “awesome” day with therapy. Ugh. I was bound and determined not to let therapy ruin my mood, but of course it probably contributed in some way to the rest of my evening. My mistake was talking about Junior, I think…. Every day is getting harder. When we first had to put him down, I had a small sense of relief that he was no longer suffering, and that I would no longer be responsible for deciding when my dog would die…. For a few days after, there was also a sense of no longer stressing about him all day and all the work and money that went into trying to ensure that he had as good of quality of life as possible. I also was putting a lot of love into the black kitten….and I still try to tell myself someone found her and let her into their home and is taking good care of her…. But since that first week, the sense of loss has progressively gotten worse. I hate coming home to an empty house. I hate waking up in the morning and not having my dogs to take care of. Also, since losing Junior, it’s brought on a whole new sense of grief over Sara. She’s been gone about 14 mos, but I had to put so much energy into Jr. that it was a distraction. So, I find myself missing my dogs a lot. I don’t know that getting a
new dog is the answer. I miss my dogs. I can honestly say that when we got Junior it taught me an unconditional love that I don’t know that I’d known before in my life. I’m so untrusting by nature that it was so nice to just trust and love without wondering what they needed from me, or even wondering what I needed from him. It was just easy. I know I probably sound like a lunatic, but I honestly and truly loved those dogs, and they loved me.
No matter how poor of a parent I may have been to them at times. They loved me…. Other than my kids, it’s the only love I’ve never had to second guess. Well, enough of that.
But despite a kind of heavy therapy session, I came home with the intention of cracking open a beer, buying some new music and making some c.d.’s. Within 15 mins of being home, I just started to feel really ill. I laid down and fell asleep for a couple of hours. I woke up for a bit, but still stayed in bed for the rest of the night. Today I still feel like crap. My body aches, along with my head. I don’t know if it’s all of the crap I’ve been eating or if it’s b/c my period is approaching. It’s probably a combo of both. So, I’m eating good today and limiting myself to one diet soda. If the headache becomes unbearable b/c
of the sugar/caffeine withdrawals, I’ll go to hot tea. So, my mood certainly isn’t as good as yesterday, but it’s not a depression, either. It’s just feeling yucky and trying to make it through the day. Hopefully I’ll get a lot more sleep tonight and wake up feeling good tomorrow!
I’m not putting the lyrics down for this song, other than the fact that I love it.
I heard it on the way to work this morning. I don’t love all Coldplay songs, but I love the hell out of some of them. I think Chris Martin is brilliant.
The Scientist
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start Running in circles,
coming up tails Heads on a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was
easy No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress Do not
speak as loud as my heart
But tell me you love me,
come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Oh ooh, ooh ooh ooh oohAh
ooh, ooh ooh ooh oohOh ooh, ooh ooh ooh
oohOh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
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