Greetings from the Midwest. What you see here, is the bare fruit (and vegetables) of my efforts from early this afternoon. Yep. I finally got off my fat ass and did some juicing. My plan is to start tomorrow. It's a real plan.... Off the regular pop tomorrow (I don't care much for Diet...so hopefully can be all the way off in a couple of weeks), but you've all heard that same fucking song and dance from me over and over. Off the fast food tomorrow. I'm going to let myself eat whatever the fuck I want (except for meat...God help me I want to get off of it) this week, as long as I'm not ordering it through a loud speaker. I'm going to drink some of this juice every day, and hopefully throw in a few smoothies during the week, too. Yep, that's my plan. Is this plan going to make me lose 10 pounds this week? Yeah, no. I'll be lucky for two. But this will help me get through the mental shit. I've got to get off this dependency on soda. I've got to get over the feeling that total fucking shit from a drive-thru is going to make everything better. I mean. Fuck. Can I do anything worse to myself? (okay, keep your thoughts about drinking to yourself. I'm not there, yet). A drive-thru doesn't get me closer to living back in the NW. We know I'm serving a six year sentence. A drive-thru doesn't save me any money. A drive-thru doesn't make me feel better physically. So, fuck you drive-thru. We are breaking up.
Ah....I'd apologize for all of the obscenities, but it wouldn't be genuine, so I'll spare you the empty words. It's been a day. Ryne and Cal were messing around which resulted in Cal's glasses getting broken. I didn't have a spare set for this last prescription, so the boys are all at LensCrafter getting a new prescription and glasses. While I'd normally be okay with taping them together (they're on Spring break) for a couple of days, my boys are all going to Phoenix on Tues., so it really needed to be done today. Plus, Cal continues to seem to get blinder by the week, so it forces us to get a new prescription...and just pray "surgery" doesn't come out of the optometrist's mouth. So, although LensCrafter doesn't take our vision insurance...we're getting it done nonetheless. Geez, what is it with kids anyway, thinking they need to be able to see and stuff? Brian gets to deal with all of this, as he gets to get the hell out of dodge for a week, while his wife stays home to work (stupid no vacation at new job, yet) and take care of the dog. At first I was going to be semi-okay with them going on vacation without me, but Brian didn't tell me the exact dates until after he bought their tickets. Yes...they'll be gone over Easter. I can't think about it too much, or I'll just feel sorry for myself even more, and I already feel totally fucking pathetic over just how much I feel sorry for myself over this situation. I'm broken hearted that the first "family vacation" since we started all of these moves, will be without me. I feel helpless that I won't be there to help Caleb through his first airline flight. We'd always held off because of his sensory issues. He's already freaking out, and I feel like the worst mother in history, for not being able to be there for him, let alone not being able to play the "Easter Bunny" for him. I'm going to really have to rely on my sis-in-law playing the part for me. Brian and Ryno are totally stoked, and I am glad they get to go get some sun, but God help me if it fucking snows while they are gone. So, I've been trying to plan out my week for while they are gone. I have a phone date with HP Tues night. I also plan on only buying a bottle of wine per day, that way I can't let myself get to cray cray. A bottle is more than enough to knock my ass out each night. Yeah, typing my plan out makes me sound even more pathetic than I feel, so what I meant to say is.... I'm going to be a rock Tues-Tues. A mother fucking rock. World leaders will aspire to have my nerves of steel.
Ah....I'd apologize for all of the obscenities, but it wouldn't be genuine, so I'll spare you the empty words. It's been a day. Ryne and Cal were messing around which resulted in Cal's glasses getting broken. I didn't have a spare set for this last prescription, so the boys are all at LensCrafter getting a new prescription and glasses. While I'd normally be okay with taping them together (they're on Spring break) for a couple of days, my boys are all going to Phoenix on Tues., so it really needed to be done today. Plus, Cal continues to seem to get blinder by the week, so it forces us to get a new prescription...and just pray "surgery" doesn't come out of the optometrist's mouth. So, although LensCrafter doesn't take our vision insurance...we're getting it done nonetheless. Geez, what is it with kids anyway, thinking they need to be able to see and stuff? Brian gets to deal with all of this, as he gets to get the hell out of dodge for a week, while his wife stays home to work (stupid no vacation at new job, yet) and take care of the dog. At first I was going to be semi-okay with them going on vacation without me, but Brian didn't tell me the exact dates until after he bought their tickets. Yes...they'll be gone over Easter. I can't think about it too much, or I'll just feel sorry for myself even more, and I already feel totally fucking pathetic over just how much I feel sorry for myself over this situation. I'm broken hearted that the first "family vacation" since we started all of these moves, will be without me. I feel helpless that I won't be there to help Caleb through his first airline flight. We'd always held off because of his sensory issues. He's already freaking out, and I feel like the worst mother in history, for not being able to be there for him, let alone not being able to play the "Easter Bunny" for him. I'm going to really have to rely on my sis-in-law playing the part for me. Brian and Ryno are totally stoked, and I am glad they get to go get some sun, but God help me if it fucking snows while they are gone. So, I've been trying to plan out my week for while they are gone. I have a phone date with HP Tues night. I also plan on only buying a bottle of wine per day, that way I can't let myself get to cray cray. A bottle is more than enough to knock my ass out each night. Yeah, typing my plan out makes me sound even more pathetic than I feel, so what I meant to say is.... I'm going to be a rock Tues-Tues. A mother fucking rock. World leaders will aspire to have my nerves of steel.
Ah, and there you see my other "juicing from the day." Hey, I've been home alone and in the kitchen. I've got my oldies soft rock going on Pandora, and I've been a juicing/cleaning machine. So, I feel great about doing the juicing (good God is it a pain in the ass), but I'm also proud of myself for finally putting the book out for bid in the hopes of finding a good fit for an editor for the book. Yeah, the book. Oh wow. It still feels as if I'm opening my soul to whoever I let read it. It was incredibly hard for me to let go of it to the last person I gave it to. There were parts of it that we probably not fun for her to read, as it probably read a little too close to home, but I did it...I let her read it, and she has been encouraging....So, I'll take that, although I would've probably been okay with her ripping me a new asshole for a couple of things, too. I'm not a great communicator, but writing is a funny thing. There were emotions that I didn't quite realize I had until they came spewing out of the characters. So, Cheers to me. I feel really good about finally getting through this next process with the book. By the end of the week, I'll have hired someone, and I pray that I can handle all that comes with a professional actually reading the book.
Yeah, so big day. Really big day.
I hope this Sunday find you finding your happiness in whatever way that floats your boat today. Here's to conquering our fears and living life to the fullest.
Cheers,
Jen
Yeah, so big day. Really big day.
I hope this Sunday find you finding your happiness in whatever way that floats your boat today. Here's to conquering our fears and living life to the fullest.
Cheers,
Jen
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