I've spent a lot of this week formulating my plan towards good health. It has been on my mind pretty much non-stop. A co-worker was telling me about her 45 year old friend who died yesterday of a heart attack. So terrible...so close to home. I can't continue the way I've been going. I've been thinking a lot about if I did die of a heart attack, or some other obesity related situation, and of course it's a grim thought. I think about leaving my children mother-less, my husband a widower, my family, my friends, etc. I know that to be truly successful, though, I need to think about ME. I just don't put myself first. It's probably some sort of cop out, as it's easier to put others before yourself. My friend Tami and I had a really great conversation about working on ourselves the other day. I've been getting to far away from all things important. I was on a good path, but I started this job, and I just can't seem to juggle everything. It's crazy to me to think that in November I did a 10k. Now, we know I certainly didn't run the whole, thing, but there's no way I could do that now. I've put on a SHIT TON of weight. I am, by far, my heaviest. No question. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm hoping to start getting back on track this weekend. I'll do some juicing, cooking, etc. I haven't made any positive diet changes this week, but I have done some good mental health things during the evenings. I've gotten a lot of cleaning and laundry done, quality time with the kids, and I've done a project for a friend. I'm on the right path. I can feel it. I want to feel better than I have been feeling both mentally and physically. I want to actually pick up the phone when friends call. I want to be someone who doesn't feel so overwhelmed by everything. I think I've just gotten to a point where I got tired of feeling like I was letting everyone down, so I just shut down. Well, that has got to stop. It is going to stop.
Okay, I'll let you go. I've got more chores to do, and I'd love to be able to enjoy some March Madness before going to bed.
I hope the evening finds you well and happy. Oh, and I'm going back to the caption at the top of the page. Find happiness however you can find it. I spent too many years feeling like I had to "fit in." I felt such a weight lift, when I finally began to embrace my own craziness. I know I don't think like a lot of other people, but thank God I am my own self. I can appreciate and love my own brand of crazy and love.