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Diariesofafatass.com

For Sonny

7/23/2015

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This cracked me up.  I guess the key to not wanting to apologize is to do things you don't have to apologize for.

Ryne is at football camp tonight.  It's the first time in a really long time, that I actually have a night to myself (other than being his chauffer).  It's kind of a weird feeling.  I've been running so hard for so long.  It's a nice feeling to just sit here and write this, without the pressure of squeezing it in or staying up past my bedtime to do it. 

Our hunt has been on to find another place to live.  If it doesn't happen, I'll be okay with that, I guess.  This house just has so many issues, especially for the steep rent.  Finding a rental is so very hard in this town.  I looked at a house on the river the other night.  As soon as I saw it, I thought to myself, we are going to live here.  I love being around water so very much.  I could already see us kayaking right from the property.  But....the house is too small.  I really believe in downsizing and that we all have way more than we need...but I misunderstood the layout when he told me about it over then phone.  It has a bedroom downstairs and then an upstairs loft, which was divided into "two rooms."  The only problem was, the boys would be up there with no doors on their rooms.  It's wide open.  There was no quiet place for homework or any of that stuff.  If it just had one more bedroom with an actual door, I would've done it...but I think we can all agree we want our fourteen year old sons to have doors on their bedrooms.  Such a bummer, though.  It really is a beautiful property.

Baseball season is finally over.  Thank God.  I really mean that.  I love baseball, but it has just been too much.  Brian's work has just been nuts.  I saw him for 45 minutes on Sunday (he got to catch that much of Ryne's game). Yes, in the past ten days that is all I have seen my husband.  Our schedules are totally different.  It was only supposed to be that way for seven days, but they had him start early and now he's working late.  He was supposed to be off today, but then they added another day.  The only saving grace in it all is that we were going to a concert outside of Chicago tomorrow (Friday).  Oh, it's my dream lineup.  Total music nerd stuff.  Little River Band is headlining, and Ambrosia, Stephen Bishop, and Robbie Dupree are also playing.  Yacht Rock!  I've so been looking forward to this.  We were to stay in a hotel and finally have time together, blah, blah, blah...but two nights ago, he began a conversation with, "You're going to divorce me."  Yep.  He has to work....  I had a little breakdown.  I really did.  This isn't home.  I don't have backups here.  In Washington, there would be lots of people to go with, but I only have a few friends here, and they aren't able to go.  So, I still don't know what I'm going to do and the concert is tomorrow night.  First World Problems I know...but it really is bumming me out.

Onto the good....  I posted the status of my book on Facebook over the weekend, and a friend from home sent me a very nice message, congratulating me, asking me about the process, etc.  I have a lot of respect for this friend, so it meant a lot.  She told me that she's actually started five different books, some of them children's books.  But she hasn't told anyone about it.  I found it very cool, that she told me about it.  I'm excited not only for this book for myself, but also to help tell people kind of how the process works.  I've been blind.  I really wish I knew someone that could've walked me through this.

This is not totally off topic-stay with me folks.  But the other day, one of my coworkers was let go.  I consider her a friend, and it was bullshit I think.  I've seen a lot of people let go or fired over the years, and almost always, you can see why it happened.  I did not see it with this gal.  None of the people at work who have commented on it, have seen reason for it, either.  She was a really hard worker, and apparently the last four people in that position have all been let go.  It's a no win situation.  I'm sad that it happened to her, but I'm hopeful that from this, something good will happen.  I'm hoping she will find a job that she finds rewarding and she is appreciated in.  Anyway, she sent me a really nice text the morning she was let go.  In the text, she asked to keep in touch, and talked about how excited she is for my book and to keep her posted.  This got me in the chest-this woman lost her job and a couple of hours later, sends me a nice message telling me how nice it was to work with me and continued to show interest in my book.  Really, that was very unexpected and so very nice.

Okay, my eleven year old is chomping at the bit to watch Naked and Afraid with me.  So, I should start to wrap up.  But I do want to continue with the good.  I know not many people read this, and I'm okay with this.  I was looking at the wrong stats (page views vs. unique readers) and did think it was more, but the other number makes a lot more sense :)  Although, I should probably get it out there some how as the book gets closer to launch.  I'll have to think long and hard about that before making any decisions on that, though.  Anyway, a friend sent me a very nice message about the blog the other day.  It made my day.   I think I'm out here, all alone in my thoughts, in my crazy head, and to know that someone really connects with that is so very cool.  When I had this thing published before and had a lot more readers, I would often hear from people about that connection.  I rarely heard about how the weight loss (believe it or not there used to be some) or diet or exercise, but it was about how people didn't feel alone or that they were the only ones with struggles.  Hearing from my friend the other day, just made me warm inside.  My nickname for her is "Sonny" and I'm "Cher."  I have no fucking idea how that started, but it has stuck for years now.  I'm grateful for her and her words.  And Sonny at your request, I'm adding "I Got You Babe."  I hope it makes you smile.

Wishing you all a great night.

~Cher
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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: [email protected]


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