Happy Superbowl Sunday! I’ve had an early start to the day, but I still have a lot to do. Why not write and procrastinate? Brian always watched the game with his grandfather. When his grandfather passed away, we would still go to his grandmother’s house and watch the game with his family. Since living out here, we usually just do something at home. Another family often joins us, as they are today. I’m keeping it simple this year. It has been increasingly hard for me to be around food that isn’t good for me. I go in spurts, where I don’t even notice it, but now, it calls to me. In large part, if it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind. When the fam leaves sweets, chips, etc out on the counter – I have to quickly put it away. During the holidays, I was snacking on whatever was left out and it slowed my progress. If I’m going to have an off-week, I want it to be because I chose to indulge in things I love – not snacking on shit. Today is a good mix of healthy-ish and fattening food. My plan is to eat mostly the healthy stuff and take tastes of the other. I know my choice have consequences. Today is no different than any other day, I guess. It’s all about the choices we make. I’ve worked hard on making this journey something that is going to stick for the rest of my life. I allow myself to be human and have come an awful long way in having compassion for myself. This morning, I’ve given a lot of thought to the weight I gained after losing so much. I’m no longer beating myself up for it. My heart breaks for the girl who thought that coping through food and alcohol was the only real choice. And yes….I still do that to a certain extent, but I’m aware of it all. Those choices are by far the minority. Each day, I put real thought into what choices I’m going to make.
Work has been hella stressful. I’ve been working a lot of hours and it’s often hard to shut off my mind. We’ve long been short-handed and this past month we also lost a coworker to medical issues. What my coworker/friend has been going through had been really weighing on me, and I’m glad he’s off for a while so he can take care of things. So, I am thankful that he’s out, and we will manage the way a department always does when you’re short-handed. At the same time as all of this, there has been a lot of changes made at the company I work for. We have a shit ton of chiefs but not enough Indians (hey, I can say that because as Brian says – I’m the feather kind of Indian, not the dot kind – yes, he’s all mine folks 😉 I don’t want to bail on my shrinking department but just started exploring different opportunities. I had two interviews with different companies this week. One position isn’t for me, but the other one would be a strong consideration. I think the interview went really well and expect to hear something within the next few days. It would be about a 10 min longer drive – taking me back to the city I used to work in, but I actually really like that city. I’m down there every 2-3 weeks anyway it seems, as my head therapist and massage therapist are both there – plus it’s an easy meeting point for my friends and I (since I live in BFE). My fingers are crossed for an offer – would give me a lot to consider.
I’ve been trying to focus on the eating I’m doing right and not give to much weight to the fact that I could be doing better than I am. My food choices are so much better than before. I think of every single thing that goes into my mouth – even when making the unhealthy choices. Awareness and accountability have always been key for me. I quit drinking soda in Mid-November. That was difficult and some days – still is – I mean….I dreamed last night that I drank a Diet Coke. Yes, my issues run really fucking deep. I still drink wine but am much more mindful when I do and what’s driving my desire to drink (like…even just typing this thinking of how much I love wine). I don’t drink at home very often anymore. A couple weeks ago a friend was over and we just chatted for a few hours – and didn’t drink. For me, that was big. I’m still unsure of today during the game, but I don’t think I’ll drink then, either.
The area I’m really lacking is exercise. There is still some fear to it as it seems like I end up at p/t whenever I get back into it, but mostly it’s my lame excuses. I am busy between work, appointments, swim (meets 3x week – half are out of town), blah, blah, blah….but I have some mental block on it. My hope is to get out to walk 5x this week as the schedule is much lighter and it takes some of my excuses away.
I’m down 39.2 pounds as of yesterday. I’m really proud of this. After new years, I started running a Biggest Winners group for weight loss. My numbers are not near what so many do. I didn’t offer to do it, because I thought I’d win anything, I did it because I truly want everyone to be successful in being healthier. I’m human and seeing such big numbers from people I sometimes feel inadequate but also know that they are working really hard for their achievements and quickly think of how far I’ve come and will continue to go. Comparison in anything is really unhealthy, and I’m glad that I’ve come a long way in this. We all have our own journey and need to focus on ourselves.
I just wanted to check in and let you know that things are good. In fact, this week, the Dr allowed me to cut a BP med in half. For me, this is bigger than anything the scale might show.
Here’s to good health. Thanks for reading.
Jen
Work has been hella stressful. I’ve been working a lot of hours and it’s often hard to shut off my mind. We’ve long been short-handed and this past month we also lost a coworker to medical issues. What my coworker/friend has been going through had been really weighing on me, and I’m glad he’s off for a while so he can take care of things. So, I am thankful that he’s out, and we will manage the way a department always does when you’re short-handed. At the same time as all of this, there has been a lot of changes made at the company I work for. We have a shit ton of chiefs but not enough Indians (hey, I can say that because as Brian says – I’m the feather kind of Indian, not the dot kind – yes, he’s all mine folks 😉 I don’t want to bail on my shrinking department but just started exploring different opportunities. I had two interviews with different companies this week. One position isn’t for me, but the other one would be a strong consideration. I think the interview went really well and expect to hear something within the next few days. It would be about a 10 min longer drive – taking me back to the city I used to work in, but I actually really like that city. I’m down there every 2-3 weeks anyway it seems, as my head therapist and massage therapist are both there – plus it’s an easy meeting point for my friends and I (since I live in BFE). My fingers are crossed for an offer – would give me a lot to consider.
I’ve been trying to focus on the eating I’m doing right and not give to much weight to the fact that I could be doing better than I am. My food choices are so much better than before. I think of every single thing that goes into my mouth – even when making the unhealthy choices. Awareness and accountability have always been key for me. I quit drinking soda in Mid-November. That was difficult and some days – still is – I mean….I dreamed last night that I drank a Diet Coke. Yes, my issues run really fucking deep. I still drink wine but am much more mindful when I do and what’s driving my desire to drink (like…even just typing this thinking of how much I love wine). I don’t drink at home very often anymore. A couple weeks ago a friend was over and we just chatted for a few hours – and didn’t drink. For me, that was big. I’m still unsure of today during the game, but I don’t think I’ll drink then, either.
The area I’m really lacking is exercise. There is still some fear to it as it seems like I end up at p/t whenever I get back into it, but mostly it’s my lame excuses. I am busy between work, appointments, swim (meets 3x week – half are out of town), blah, blah, blah….but I have some mental block on it. My hope is to get out to walk 5x this week as the schedule is much lighter and it takes some of my excuses away.
I’m down 39.2 pounds as of yesterday. I’m really proud of this. After new years, I started running a Biggest Winners group for weight loss. My numbers are not near what so many do. I didn’t offer to do it, because I thought I’d win anything, I did it because I truly want everyone to be successful in being healthier. I’m human and seeing such big numbers from people I sometimes feel inadequate but also know that they are working really hard for their achievements and quickly think of how far I’ve come and will continue to go. Comparison in anything is really unhealthy, and I’m glad that I’ve come a long way in this. We all have our own journey and need to focus on ourselves.
I just wanted to check in and let you know that things are good. In fact, this week, the Dr allowed me to cut a BP med in half. For me, this is bigger than anything the scale might show.
Here’s to good health. Thanks for reading.
Jen
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