I thought it fitting to take a chapter title from the Skinny Bitch book for today’s subject. It’s such a simple concept. I can ask why we don’t think about it, with every bite we take, but I know the answer. I’ve been really beating myself up lately for my weight. I don’t know if you’ve seen that or not ; )
And you know, it’s so stupid, but probably for the first time I realized I’m not alone in this. I always feel like I am, and I’m the only one that’s so messed up.
But I think every person that eats too much, or doesn’t “care” about their weight battles the same issues.
We are either totally unconscious eaters, or we are consciously eating in
order to try to make the stress or pain go away. I do both. When I’m unconsciously eating, it’s probably because I’m in a vacant place, and when I do it intentionally, it’s almost like death by food. When I’m in that place, I really don’t care. I guess it’s the same for most addictions. So, I tell you I
feel liberated by the fact that I’m not alone in this. It’s silly that I ever feel that I’m alone, when I’ve gotten so many nice messages from some of you who battle the same war, as me. So, today it’s nice not to feel alone. It also feels nice to know that I’m not in that place right now. But what feels best, is that I feel so inspired right now, and the thought that I might inspire someone to lose weight makes me feel better than anything in this world! And although I’ve done terribly lately, I do have to still give myself some form of credit for being down 50 lbs. from my highest weight.
I was able to work out yesterday after work. Even though I hate working out, I always feel great about it afterward. Looks like I’ll be able to work out tonight, too. Brian lost his car keys yesterday, and since it’s an electronic key (and he doesn’t have a spare….), he has to get it towed 20 miles to the dealership.
Also, it’s all wheel drive, so I think they have to use the flat bed. This is going to be expensive…. Oh well, what am I going to do? So, since he’s taken
today off to take care of things, it looks like I’ll have time after work.
I’m embarrassed to say that I actually got really pissed about something so dumb yesterday. Mad is an emotion that I don’t really have all that often, since I hold everything in. But I was pissed. I guess at some point, I’m going to have to not be disappointed when I’m not the first thing someone thinks of when they have something big in their life. I can’t understand why :) At
least I figured that out this morning.
So, driving in this morning, I heard, Thank You by Alanis. Before the
stress really came into my life, I used to think of this song as my mantra. When I could first add music for a ringtone, it was the first one I ever used. Anyway, it brought back a great memory of Dracy and I singing it at her holiday party years ago. Clearly, we were pretty tanked. She had a karaoke machine or something like that, and we sang it over and over. Her husband was so
pissed. Clearly we were ruining his fancy party. Haha. Anyway, there are certain people in your life that really “get” you, and Dracy is one of them. Man, I miss her and everyone else back home.
Anyway, I’ll give you the lyrics.
Because I’m sure everyone out there is a total music dork like me, right ; )
So, today I leave you with something my friend said, way back when, when we did the 10 Things I love about myself:
I love that I place my health near the top of my priority list I wish this for all of us. May you put your health first today and most days. Best of luck.
~Jen
Food:
6:30 Smoothie (water, flax seed, spinach, banana, blueberries)
6:45 Can of Diet Coke
7:40 Handful of Kashi cereal, so I can take my meds
I also juiced last night, so I’ll be having some of the green stuff this afternoon.
how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating
when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you
disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank
you silence
how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me
enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive
you
how bout grieving it all one at a time
thank you india
thank
you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you
consequence
thank you thank you silence
the moment I let go of it was
the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of
it
was the moment I touched down
how bout no longer being
masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly
bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping
thank
you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you
nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
And you know, it’s so stupid, but probably for the first time I realized I’m not alone in this. I always feel like I am, and I’m the only one that’s so messed up.
But I think every person that eats too much, or doesn’t “care” about their weight battles the same issues.
We are either totally unconscious eaters, or we are consciously eating in
order to try to make the stress or pain go away. I do both. When I’m unconsciously eating, it’s probably because I’m in a vacant place, and when I do it intentionally, it’s almost like death by food. When I’m in that place, I really don’t care. I guess it’s the same for most addictions. So, I tell you I
feel liberated by the fact that I’m not alone in this. It’s silly that I ever feel that I’m alone, when I’ve gotten so many nice messages from some of you who battle the same war, as me. So, today it’s nice not to feel alone. It also feels nice to know that I’m not in that place right now. But what feels best, is that I feel so inspired right now, and the thought that I might inspire someone to lose weight makes me feel better than anything in this world! And although I’ve done terribly lately, I do have to still give myself some form of credit for being down 50 lbs. from my highest weight.
I was able to work out yesterday after work. Even though I hate working out, I always feel great about it afterward. Looks like I’ll be able to work out tonight, too. Brian lost his car keys yesterday, and since it’s an electronic key (and he doesn’t have a spare….), he has to get it towed 20 miles to the dealership.
Also, it’s all wheel drive, so I think they have to use the flat bed. This is going to be expensive…. Oh well, what am I going to do? So, since he’s taken
today off to take care of things, it looks like I’ll have time after work.
I’m embarrassed to say that I actually got really pissed about something so dumb yesterday. Mad is an emotion that I don’t really have all that often, since I hold everything in. But I was pissed. I guess at some point, I’m going to have to not be disappointed when I’m not the first thing someone thinks of when they have something big in their life. I can’t understand why :) At
least I figured that out this morning.
So, driving in this morning, I heard, Thank You by Alanis. Before the
stress really came into my life, I used to think of this song as my mantra. When I could first add music for a ringtone, it was the first one I ever used. Anyway, it brought back a great memory of Dracy and I singing it at her holiday party years ago. Clearly, we were pretty tanked. She had a karaoke machine or something like that, and we sang it over and over. Her husband was so
pissed. Clearly we were ruining his fancy party. Haha. Anyway, there are certain people in your life that really “get” you, and Dracy is one of them. Man, I miss her and everyone else back home.
Anyway, I’ll give you the lyrics.
Because I’m sure everyone out there is a total music dork like me, right ; )
So, today I leave you with something my friend said, way back when, when we did the 10 Things I love about myself:
I love that I place my health near the top of my priority list I wish this for all of us. May you put your health first today and most days. Best of luck.
~Jen
Food:
6:30 Smoothie (water, flax seed, spinach, banana, blueberries)
6:45 Can of Diet Coke
7:40 Handful of Kashi cereal, so I can take my meds
I also juiced last night, so I’ll be having some of the green stuff this afternoon.
how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating
when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you
disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank
you silence
how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me
enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive
you
how bout grieving it all one at a time
thank you india
thank
you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you
consequence
thank you thank you silence
the moment I let go of it was
the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of
it
was the moment I touched down
how bout no longer being
masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly
bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping
thank
you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you
nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
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