I'm still doing really shitty on my eating. I plan on going to the store tonight and stocking up on good food. I'm so ready... I'm eating like crap, but I'm not taking pleasure in what I'm eating. The soda consumption has especially been out of control. This morning, (while drinking a soda), I thought about coffee drinkers. The thing is, when people drink coffee they really seem to enjoy it. You can see the warmth go through them as they take their first drink. I need to get there with food and drink in general. I want to enjoy the taste again. I've been eating like an out of control 5 year old at a birthday party lately. I've been eating any and everything. The worse for me it is, the more I seem to eat. I've got to break this. I feel a deep need to grab some control in my life. For the past several years everything has felt so far out of my grasp. I can't get a handle on everything. I hate moving, and we may be doing it again. I haven't felt "settled" in years now. So, I feel the need to take control, and my weight is the obvious choice. Plus, JC, I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm taking Tums nearly every day, sometimes several times a day. When I eat better, I have tons more energy, and never, ever have heartburn. If all of these things are going on around me, maybe controlling my weight may make other things easier to accept.
It's also been a long time since I feel like I really finished anything. So, I've been really making it a point to work on the book. I'm pretty bitchy today, but still I put in a good couple of hours on it earlier. I plan on working on it more tonight, too. The work week is really hard to get anything done on it, so I've got to make up for it on the weekends. I don't feel that it's great, but I can only imagine the sense of accomplishment I'll feel when I'm done. I know that e-books are the way to go, but I must tell you, when I think of the book. I dream about feeling it in my hands. I dream about a hard cover. I dream about giving a copy to those who have inspired some of the characters and stories. It's funny. When I began the book, I really thought, that for the most part, the book was going to draw on this one relationship in particular. It's funny, that I'm over half way through, and this really hasn't been the case. I've drawn a lot from the friends I grew up with. There's something to be said for growing up the way we did, on an island in Alaska. There's just a bond there, that is so magnificent. The trust and love we all have for one another really is special. I've always known this, but I guess I didn't realize the extent of it until writing about these strong friendships in the book. Anyway, it's just one of the cool things I've taken away from the writing process thus far.
Well, I've spoken about deep friendships and the book which have been on the forefront of my mind lately. Those things, and of course, the love I have for my family have really been driving me toward wanting to get healthy. I don't want to lose these things..... As I look at my reflection on my laptop, and I see someone that resembles people when they go undercover in those ridiculous fat suits....I know that I won't live long this way. Get your shit together Weekley, for fucks sakes!
I hope this weekend finds you all doing really well! I really do. YOLO, as the kids, and some 42 y/o's tend to say ;)