I first started to write about what this day represents, but this isn't the right forum. I'll never get past this day. Every anniversary the wounds open wide once again. I can't see that ever changing, nor do I want it to. After I'm done with this I'll be watching a documentary, as I do every 9/11. I never want to forget what so many went through, and what heroes we have here in this amazing country.
I woke up this morning not feeling well. It's come and gone as the day has passed, but I've had this horrible headache for the past few hours. Also, Ryne was sick this morning. I know...he's been "sick" every day since school started.
But honestly, he had a fever today. He says his stomach still hurts, so I'll
take him to the Dr. tomorrow if he says he still feels the same way. The problem is, the kid is 12. He's not the greatest truth teller about these things (even though he's knows lying is the trait I despise most in a person).
Hopefully he'll feel better tomorrow, but given the fact he just had to take some Motrin, I'm not guessing so. Anyway, I didn't let the fact that I wasn't feeling well keep me from getting my steps in. I forced myself to take Jesse to the park, but once we got there, it was game time :) I walked pretty fast for quite a
while. We also walked as far as we could on the trail. I'm guessing all told it was about a 4 mile walk. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I was really proud of myself. From there, I really struggled with what to eat... I had a smoothie in the morning, but I was starving just 3 hours later. Once again I found myself at Subway, but this time I got an egg white on flatbread. Oh, and it goes without saying it was a fucking footlong. After eating the sandwich, I did a number in my head about how stupid that was. I'd then tell myself,
give yourself a fucking break. To which I reply, you became a fat pig by giving yourself a break. Ah, the loveliness of my brain!
I was home with Ryne for a while before having to go to a Dr's appt. I had to get established with a local Dr. and get my meds taken care of. It was actually a really stressful appointment, that left me wanting to stop and eat everywhere in this town (and being a college town, there's plenty of choices)! I knew it a reaction to stress and worry, but I said fuck it. I went to McD's and got a large Diet Coke and a small ice cream cone. That was my compromise. I know how stressed I can get, so given that's all I did, I will actually cut myself a break.
I then picked up Cal from school and took him to swim practice. I ended up talking to this lady during practice (usually there's just an elderly Asian woman and me there), and she asked where we were from, etc. Then, she's like, aren't you Le Ann's friend? What a small world! Le Ann had hooked me up with her before we came out here, for advice on schools and areas. They are old college
friends. It was so sweet of Le Ann to call her, as she hadn't talked to her since college. Time had just gotten in their way. Anyway, what a small world!
The day has progressed with me feeling overly hungry and fighting this nasty headache. It has not been a great day for eating, but as I said a couple of days ago. I am not following the ETL way until next week. While this hasn't been a great eating day, it's not been super terrible, either. I can live with it.
Anyway, I hope this entry finds you all well.
8:00 Smoothie (soy milk, flax seed, spinach, frozen blueberries, banana)
11:00 Footlong Egg White on flatbread w/ pepper jack, heavy spinach, tomatoes, and olives
12:30 Half a bowl of grapes
2:30 Small McD ice cream cone and large Diet Coke
5:00 Small frozen package
of yakisoba noodles w/ veggies
7:00 One pop
Oh, and I'm at 12k steps for the day