Truer words for me, have never been spoken... I'm working on it, though.... I really am working on it... I haven't thrown in the towel on myself, yet. In fact, I'm taking steps in the right direction. I know I have people in my life, who would read this and this, and think just fucking do it (get your shit together) already! People who think of me as weak. I'm trying to get their voices out of my head. I've learned this is a process for me. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and have all the negative self talk go away. I wish I had the strength to spend 8 hours a day in the gym like the Biggest Loser contestants, but that's not me. It's not me, in this moment. But I have taken a couple of big steps. I've walked the past two mornings. After I get the boys off to school, I've been meeting a friend to go walking. I've taken that step. I've made a commitment to myself and to Jackie (my walking partner) that I will do this with her during the week. Also, it's the second day without regular soda. My addiction is so out of control...addiction to soda...to sugar...to food! So, even though I know diet soda is the spawn of the Devil (the Devil being regular soda), it's part of my process to get off soda all together. I'm hoping that will be next Monday. Soda is the doorway to my obesity. So, I've walked two days in a row, and now I'm regular soda free for the second day in a row. Yay Me! Really, I am proud of myself. I know where I've been lately, and me taking any steps toward helping myself is huge. Really huge.
The house continues to be a disaster. Since arriving here, I've thought I've been hearing things. We are on over an acre, next to people that all have 1-2 acres +. So, I've chalked up the hearing things, to varments being outside our bedroom window, or even maybe the ghost of our landlord's former wife. I can live with either of those things. What I can't live with, is the fact that I was downstairs reading last week, when everyone else was asleep. I heard something, and looked up to see a fucking mouse bounding up the stairs. The house has fucking mice. I'm beyond fucking disgusted. We have to come up with a plan to get rid of these fuckers. So gross. To top it off, we still just have the mini-fridge, so I've got keep bread, and other things I would normally keep in the fridge on the counter. Oh God....have I mentioned how grossed out I am. I want to puke thinking about it.
Anyway, things are looking up. I'm having lunch with a friend I used to work with on Fri. She's good people. I've really missed her. I'm actually looking forward to seeing her. I haven't been in that space in quite some time.
So, here's to small steps that will eventually lead to giant changes.
Hope this entry finds you all well!
Jen
The house continues to be a disaster. Since arriving here, I've thought I've been hearing things. We are on over an acre, next to people that all have 1-2 acres +. So, I've chalked up the hearing things, to varments being outside our bedroom window, or even maybe the ghost of our landlord's former wife. I can live with either of those things. What I can't live with, is the fact that I was downstairs reading last week, when everyone else was asleep. I heard something, and looked up to see a fucking mouse bounding up the stairs. The house has fucking mice. I'm beyond fucking disgusted. We have to come up with a plan to get rid of these fuckers. So gross. To top it off, we still just have the mini-fridge, so I've got keep bread, and other things I would normally keep in the fridge on the counter. Oh God....have I mentioned how grossed out I am. I want to puke thinking about it.
Anyway, things are looking up. I'm having lunch with a friend I used to work with on Fri. She's good people. I've really missed her. I'm actually looking forward to seeing her. I haven't been in that space in quite some time.
So, here's to small steps that will eventually lead to giant changes.
Hope this entry finds you all well!
Jen
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