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Diariesofafatass.com

When you don't wanna...

10/18/2016

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I went into this change in diet kicking and screaming. In a way, a week in I still kind of am. I wasn't ready mentally, but I knew I had to do something. I had to do something now. So, I've gone out of my comfort zone in a million different ways. This first week has had many successes, and some not so stellar moments. I'm sure not everyone has a night where there's three pints of Bud Light and a Mystery shot on their food log during week one. Or a night where there's pizza and half a bottle of red wine. In those not so stellar moments though, I see the good. I see the small healthy dinner I had after the beers (instead of the usual drive-thru) or the fact that the pizza we had was the DeLite from Papa Murphy's, and I practiced portion control. I went over my daily calorie allowance on one day (the beer day) by 150 cals, but most days I was under.  A couple of days I was under by 600 calories. The healthy me of days past would look at this first week and not be overly impressed. The me of today, recognizes this week was huge for me. For the first time in quite some time, I've thought about every single thing that has gone into my mouth this week. Unconscious eating is my nemesis. I am now awake... I'm awake enough to realize that I feel so much better after just a week, than I've felt in many months. I feel awake enough to know that sometimes this sucks, but I realize it's still worth it. Maybe...just maybe...I'm even worth it.

Today is the fourth day in a row that I've gotten in over 10,000 steps. Again, it's been months. It's also the third day in a row that I've done a little 5 min workout routine that my friend put together. Yesterday it got me. I was dead ass tired. I was sore AF. I was 400 steps away from 10k, so I did laps in my house until I hit it. The minute I did, I dropped the the couch. I was done. I took a hot shower, and then I slept better than I have in weeks. When you have this kind of extra weight, even the smallest things take a toll on your body. It hurts, but it will get better. Even today, I feel so much better than yesterday. I had a fantastic walk tonight, where I hardly thought about what hurt. I enjoyed being outside. I enjoyed the fact that Brian was able to take Cal to practice and pick Ryne up (same thing for tomorrow :) I enjoyed having that hour to myself and my dog. I enjoyed...feeling the good.


I weighed in today. It's a humiliating process for me. I was down 4 1/2 pounds, but I was devastated. I'd been monitoring at home and thought I was down 6. I know this is crazy talk. All of it. It took me a while and a lot of self talk to appreciate that 4 1/2 pounds. I've gotten there, though. I think of just how different I feel after such a short time. I don't have the water retention in my hands. I haven't had to take an antacid in a week. I might be sore AF, but I don't feel like I'm going to pass out. I'll take being sore. Soon enough, it will just feel like a good sore.

I've been yammering on for a while now, so I'll let you go. I just wanted to let you know...even if you don't feel ready...take that plunge. What have you got to lose? I'm so, so glad I went out of my comfort zone. I'm so glad that I acknowledged I can't do this on my own. Even if I'm paying someone to essentially just weigh me. I made myself accountable to someone else, which was necessary for me, at this time. Even when you don't wanna, you can be ready.

Hope you're having a great night,

Jen

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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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