• Home
  • Jen's Daily Blog
  • ETL Breakdown
  • Kick Ass Books
  • Good f'ing recipes
  • Great Cookbooks
  • Making Life Easier
  • Frequent Questions
Diariesofafatass.com

What a mofo'ing day.....

5/23/2012

0 Comments

 
Holy shit.  Today was just a bad day.  You know those days, where it just seems to be one obstacle after another?  For starters, that bitch, Aunt Flow still isn't here.  WTF?  My boobs have been killing me since Fri.  I feel like I could nurse all of Octomom's kids.  The nice thing about this round of PMS is that I hadn't been challenged emotionally by the hormones.  They got me a little bit today, but still, I can't complain too much.  And just to let everyone know, maybe the worst words you can say to me, when I make a comment about the PMS, and how flow hasn't shown is: You aren't late, yet, right?  Amy, you know I love you, but it's a good thing you couldn't see my glare through the text :)  My cycle is all over the place, but I'm quite sure at this point, I'm late. There was a day when  being late meant something entirely different, than it does now, at my advanced age.

Things have been sort of plugging along pretty well.  I've been really tired, but I go through this every month.  Yesterday was a decent day until I had therapy.  Ah, my love/hate relationship with therapy.  The difference with this session, as opposed to most, is that I went in there with an agenda.  I wanted to address my weight issues.  I really wanted to tackle, why I can't bring myself to take control over this situation, when I know how....  We began by talking about my little, uh, "episode" a couple of weeks ago, when I got much harder on myself than normal, and even came to the realization that I "hate" myself.  Ooh, that was a tough one.  I didn't want to relive that stuff, but since I still feel the same way on some levels, it needed to be dealt with.  Once again, it's all about how "all or nothing" I am.  Dammit.  I really need to find that happy medium with just about everything.  Anyway, it was a decent session, but of course, I didn't walk out of there with all of the answers, or really even some of them.  I did later realize that the self hatred is mostly weight related, and the baggage that goes with it.  I left therapy and had to drive an hour to pick up some prescriptions (mostly for my impending Lasik).  It hit me on that drive...I was spent.  I mean, really, really tired.  It was going to take a bit to fill the prescriptions, so I practiced a little self care and went across the street to a restaurant for an app and beer.  I hadn't had a drink, since being such a dumb ass at K's house a couple of weeks ago.  I do know that was mostly mixing antibiotics with alcohol, but still, dumb, dumb, dumb.  Even before that, I'd decided I was going to really cut down on the drinking, and I have.   I only had the one beer yesterday, and so that makes twice that I've drank in the past 4 weeks I believe.  I still think about it.  I think about it mostly as something that might help me sleep (sleep has been terrible lately), but I also know that's just a plain stupid reason to drink.  So, I am glad that I gave myself back some control in that aspect of my life.  Anyway, I went to p/u the prescriptions and was shocked to learn they were $250 after insurance.  It's mostly for these dumb little eye drops.  They really should add in all the prescriptions related to the surgery, as I think I'm already over $400 into them, and I still have more to p/u before next week.

This morning I had to go in early to work.  There was a big tour coming through the plant, and I needed to finish cleaning up our area.  It was so hard to peel myself out of bed this morning.  Ugh.  Driving in I heard an awesome interview on Stern w/ "The Hoff."  That guy kills me.  What a schmuck.  But what a loaded schmuck, who continues to capitalize off of whatever zany image he may have at the moment.  After the interview, I switched over to some music.  My favorite song, "I Won't Give Up," by Jason Mraz came right on.  Immediately my eyes welled with tears.  LMAO....  I love the song, but I don't have any emotional attachment to it.  It doesn't remind me of anyting.  I just find it beautifully simplistic.  I thought, shit...the hormones finally got me :)  I switched over to another song, and soon found Mraz on another station with the same result.  Haha.  What a punk.  It's a good thing I didn't have my headphones with me at work.  I wanted to listen to music while I swept up the warehouse, but I probably would've turned into a pile of mush!  Right from the start, this morning, I was running at work.  Today was by far the bussiest day I've had there.  It wasn't just a super busy day, it was also super stressful.  Things just kept coming out of nowhere, and it was trying to avoid fires all day.  In all the business of the day, I also had a meeting, with 7 other ppl.  It's a weekly meeting, but the head guy wanted to sit in on it today.  The 8 of us waited out in the hot warehouse for 1/2 hour.  Oooohhhhh....not good.  Just like most ppl, I hate to have my time wasted, esp. on a day like today.  The co. was also supposed to bring in lunch, but as we found out after the long meeting, as the guy who was supposed to order it in, said in passing, "oh sorry about lunch, guys, I'll get you next time."  Wha-wha-wha-what?  Dem are wrong words to say to a woman engaged in PMS from hell.....  I was starving, plus feeling sick, since I hadn't eaten since early that morning and it was a doughnut and soda....  There was more from there, but you get the point.  I continued to run, run, run, until work was over.  From there I had to speed into Walnut to p/u Cal (we both had dentist apps) and had to drop Ryne at baseball practice, and then drive into the "city."  Just when I thought my terrible day wasn't going to get much more, I found out that I do need another f'ing root canal and crown on the one we thought we wouldn't have to do until next year.  Yes, after insurance that's $1705 folks.  Surely I've got that just laying around, right?  :)  For as much as I've had to spend on this mouth this year, you'd think I'd have the gold teeth, like the rappers.  At least then I could understand how it's so damned expensive.  From there, Cal and I went to Wal-Mart and got gifts for the teachers and assts.  Tomorrow is the boys last day of school.  Wow.....they really do grow up too fast....

This brings us to tonight.  It's not been a great day, but I've been able to get some stuff done around the house, and was able to spend some time with the boys.  I even snuck a short bath in there.  So, I am proud of the fact that I was able to remain in the present, and I didn't seek too much escape.  I've got a couple of things to do, and then I need to put some thought into getting uncorked.  Do I take matters into my own hands, or do I pull Brian away from his beloved MSNBC....  haha.  Either way, I'm forcing this f'ing thing to come alone.

Hope you guys all had a great day.  We are almost to a 3 day weekend!  yay!  Oh, I've only heard from one of you on the 5 simple, silly things that make you happy.  Think about it.  It really is fun.

~Jen


 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: [email protected]


    Archives

    August 2019
    June 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    RSS Feed