Things have been sort of plugging along pretty well. I've been really tired, but I go through this every month. Yesterday was a decent day until I had therapy. Ah, my love/hate relationship with therapy. The difference with this session, as opposed to most, is that I went in there with an agenda. I wanted to address my weight issues. I really wanted to tackle, why I can't bring myself to take control over this situation, when I know how.... We began by talking about my little, uh, "episode" a couple of weeks ago, when I got much harder on myself than normal, and even came to the realization that I "hate" myself. Ooh, that was a tough one. I didn't want to relive that stuff, but since I still feel the same way on some levels, it needed to be dealt with. Once again, it's all about how "all or nothing" I am. Dammit. I really need to find that happy medium with just about everything. Anyway, it was a decent session, but of course, I didn't walk out of there with all of the answers, or really even some of them. I did later realize that the self hatred is mostly weight related, and the baggage that goes with it. I left therapy and had to drive an hour to pick up some prescriptions (mostly for my impending Lasik). It hit me on that drive...I was spent. I mean, really, really tired. It was going to take a bit to fill the prescriptions, so I practiced a little self care and went across the street to a restaurant for an app and beer. I hadn't had a drink, since being such a dumb ass at K's house a couple of weeks ago. I do know that was mostly mixing antibiotics with alcohol, but still, dumb, dumb, dumb. Even before that, I'd decided I was going to really cut down on the drinking, and I have. I only had the one beer yesterday, and so that makes twice that I've drank in the past 4 weeks I believe. I still think about it. I think about it mostly as something that might help me sleep (sleep has been terrible lately), but I also know that's just a plain stupid reason to drink. So, I am glad that I gave myself back some control in that aspect of my life. Anyway, I went to p/u the prescriptions and was shocked to learn they were $250 after insurance. It's mostly for these dumb little eye drops. They really should add in all the prescriptions related to the surgery, as I think I'm already over $400 into them, and I still have more to p/u before next week.
This morning I had to go in early to work. There was a big tour coming through the plant, and I needed to finish cleaning up our area. It was so hard to peel myself out of bed this morning. Ugh. Driving in I heard an awesome interview on Stern w/ "The Hoff." That guy kills me. What a schmuck. But what a loaded schmuck, who continues to capitalize off of whatever zany image he may have at the moment. After the interview, I switched over to some music. My favorite song, "I Won't Give Up," by Jason Mraz came right on. Immediately my eyes welled with tears. LMAO.... I love the song, but I don't have any emotional attachment to it. It doesn't remind me of anyting. I just find it beautifully simplistic. I thought, shit...the hormones finally got me :) I switched over to another song, and soon found Mraz on another station with the same result. Haha. What a punk. It's a good thing I didn't have my headphones with me at work. I wanted to listen to music while I swept up the warehouse, but I probably would've turned into a pile of mush! Right from the start, this morning, I was running at work. Today was by far the bussiest day I've had there. It wasn't just a super busy day, it was also super stressful. Things just kept coming out of nowhere, and it was trying to avoid fires all day. In all the business of the day, I also had a meeting, with 7 other ppl. It's a weekly meeting, but the head guy wanted to sit in on it today. The 8 of us waited out in the hot warehouse for 1/2 hour. Oooohhhhh....not good. Just like most ppl, I hate to have my time wasted, esp. on a day like today. The co. was also supposed to bring in lunch, but as we found out after the long meeting, as the guy who was supposed to order it in, said in passing, "oh sorry about lunch, guys, I'll get you next time." Wha-wha-wha-what? Dem are wrong words to say to a woman engaged in PMS from hell..... I was starving, plus feeling sick, since I hadn't eaten since early that morning and it was a doughnut and soda.... There was more from there, but you get the point. I continued to run, run, run, until work was over. From there I had to speed into Walnut to p/u Cal (we both had dentist apps) and had to drop Ryne at baseball practice, and then drive into the "city." Just when I thought my terrible day wasn't going to get much more, I found out that I do need another f'ing root canal and crown on the one we thought we wouldn't have to do until next year. Yes, after insurance that's $1705 folks. Surely I've got that just laying around, right? :) For as much as I've had to spend on this mouth this year, you'd think I'd have the gold teeth, like the rappers. At least then I could understand how it's so damned expensive. From there, Cal and I went to Wal-Mart and got gifts for the teachers and assts. Tomorrow is the boys last day of school. Wow.....they really do grow up too fast....
This brings us to tonight. It's not been a great day, but I've been able to get some stuff done around the house, and was able to spend some time with the boys. I even snuck a short bath in there. So, I am proud of the fact that I was able to remain in the present, and I didn't seek too much escape. I've got a couple of things to do, and then I need to put some thought into getting uncorked. Do I take matters into my own hands, or do I pull Brian away from his beloved MSNBC.... haha. Either way, I'm forcing this f'ing thing to come alone.
Hope you guys all had a great day. We are almost to a 3 day weekend! yay! Oh, I've only heard from one of you on the 5 simple, silly things that make you happy. Think about it. It really is fun.