Ah, the “common cold.” It sounds innocent enough, right? I mean it is common. But MOFO, can it make you feel like shit. I caught Cal’s cold around
Sunday-ish. The first couple of days weren’t so bad, but now it’s got me by the short hairs. I woke up (after falling asleep by 9 last night), thinking it was a bit
better, but that was just a mind fuck. Now, I have an earache to go with it. I don’t feel well, but I am also smart enough to know that it could be much, much worse. I’ve had it worse than this, and I’ll have it worse than this again. So, I’ll take this “common cold” and ride it on out. I have 3 more hours at work, before I head for the comfort of my own bed, with the heat cranked, and extra blankets. I am so incredibly glad the weekend is here. I’m hoping it gives me enough time to get over this thing. I have Tues and Wed off next week, and I’d like to be feeling good going into that time.
My mind has been swimming a lot lately with what I need to do, how I need to get there, in regards to my body and overall health. Ah, Jesse….Good Lord I love my Dr. Hook station on Pandora. It’s so infuriating because I know what
I need to do. I need to stick with it. This week has been a mix of really good eating decisions and really lousy ones. At this weight, I can’t afford to not stick to it. I’ve been thinking about the ppl I played sports with growing up, and
those in college. Do you know that I’m the only fatty? I’m dead serious. Everyone else kept their shit together. I know it’s not easy, but they’ve done it. Some of them are in better shape now than they were back then. It’s really made me think….how come I went in such a different direction, from fucking everyone? Have I always been so weak and pathetic? Even back when I would have considered myself an athlete? I never considered myself a natural athlete that’s for sure. Back then I knew I had to work harder than anyone else, just to fit in. I guess once I quit caring about fitting in, it just all went to hell and a hand basket. I mean…fuck. All of those ppl are in good shape. I’m so proud of them and proud to be their friend. It just boggles my mind. We all had some set of tools and out of everyone I pissed mine away. What a fuck…
Even starting this blog couldn’t shame me into becoming a healthier person. I’m about the same weight as when I started this thing over a year ago. I still have the same struggles in my head that I had a year ago. Even after talking and talking and talking about them…. I’ve even recently had something in my life that would force me to conquer my eating habits and lack of exercise issues. Really, it should FORCE me. I did great for a couple of weeks and then fell flat on my face. I’m exhausted. I’ve exhausted you, and I know damn well it has to be exhausting to some of my friends (I’ve even been told by one that I exhaust them). Now, there’s a feeling, the thing I think I’m best at in the world: being a friend, and I’m just a life sucker to those I care about. I guess I should shut up. I’m too tired to be doing this blog right now. This cold has me drained, and my own brain is cooked. Hopefully I’ll wake up tomorrow with some relief all the way around.
*****8:00 I left work a couple of hours early. Wow. Did that help. I'm not feeling great physically, but I am better. I'm feeling a million times better mentally, though, thank God. I thought about deleting parts of this post, but I've never done that, so I shouldn't start now. I was just so tired.... The decision to come home was really a lifesaver.
I had one song in mind for the song of the day today, but I can’t find it online and I don’t have the patience to spend any time looking for it. Geez, I really bummed myself out writing today. WTF. After searching the web a bit, I’ve come back down. What a fuck. Anyway, I love Your Song and so here it is. Have a good weekend everyone.
~Jen
"Your Song"
It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those
who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big
house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, but then again,
no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much
but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now
that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down
in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the
roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me
quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for
people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting but these
things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway
the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever
seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite
simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the
world
Sunday-ish. The first couple of days weren’t so bad, but now it’s got me by the short hairs. I woke up (after falling asleep by 9 last night), thinking it was a bit
better, but that was just a mind fuck. Now, I have an earache to go with it. I don’t feel well, but I am also smart enough to know that it could be much, much worse. I’ve had it worse than this, and I’ll have it worse than this again. So, I’ll take this “common cold” and ride it on out. I have 3 more hours at work, before I head for the comfort of my own bed, with the heat cranked, and extra blankets. I am so incredibly glad the weekend is here. I’m hoping it gives me enough time to get over this thing. I have Tues and Wed off next week, and I’d like to be feeling good going into that time.
My mind has been swimming a lot lately with what I need to do, how I need to get there, in regards to my body and overall health. Ah, Jesse….Good Lord I love my Dr. Hook station on Pandora. It’s so infuriating because I know what
I need to do. I need to stick with it. This week has been a mix of really good eating decisions and really lousy ones. At this weight, I can’t afford to not stick to it. I’ve been thinking about the ppl I played sports with growing up, and
those in college. Do you know that I’m the only fatty? I’m dead serious. Everyone else kept their shit together. I know it’s not easy, but they’ve done it. Some of them are in better shape now than they were back then. It’s really made me think….how come I went in such a different direction, from fucking everyone? Have I always been so weak and pathetic? Even back when I would have considered myself an athlete? I never considered myself a natural athlete that’s for sure. Back then I knew I had to work harder than anyone else, just to fit in. I guess once I quit caring about fitting in, it just all went to hell and a hand basket. I mean…fuck. All of those ppl are in good shape. I’m so proud of them and proud to be their friend. It just boggles my mind. We all had some set of tools and out of everyone I pissed mine away. What a fuck…
Even starting this blog couldn’t shame me into becoming a healthier person. I’m about the same weight as when I started this thing over a year ago. I still have the same struggles in my head that I had a year ago. Even after talking and talking and talking about them…. I’ve even recently had something in my life that would force me to conquer my eating habits and lack of exercise issues. Really, it should FORCE me. I did great for a couple of weeks and then fell flat on my face. I’m exhausted. I’ve exhausted you, and I know damn well it has to be exhausting to some of my friends (I’ve even been told by one that I exhaust them). Now, there’s a feeling, the thing I think I’m best at in the world: being a friend, and I’m just a life sucker to those I care about. I guess I should shut up. I’m too tired to be doing this blog right now. This cold has me drained, and my own brain is cooked. Hopefully I’ll wake up tomorrow with some relief all the way around.
*****8:00 I left work a couple of hours early. Wow. Did that help. I'm not feeling great physically, but I am better. I'm feeling a million times better mentally, though, thank God. I thought about deleting parts of this post, but I've never done that, so I shouldn't start now. I was just so tired.... The decision to come home was really a lifesaver.
I had one song in mind for the song of the day today, but I can’t find it online and I don’t have the patience to spend any time looking for it. Geez, I really bummed myself out writing today. WTF. After searching the web a bit, I’ve come back down. What a fuck. Anyway, I love Your Song and so here it is. Have a good weekend everyone.
~Jen
"Your Song"
It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those
who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big
house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, but then again,
no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much
but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now
that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down
in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the
roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me
quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for
people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting but these
things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway
the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever
seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite
simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the
world
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