Weigh in day.... Lost 5 lbs. yay!!!! What a great way to start the day!
My eyes were still a little heavy this morning, but going back to work was a good distraction from my eyes and Junior (who had a very rough weekend). We found a new babysitter, so at least someone was here to make sure he was okay, and if he needed help up.
As you know, Brian and I have really been struggling with what our next move should be, or if we should even do one now. Our latest decision had been to stay here, and try like hell to get him a job on the West Coast or ID or CO, ASAP. We decided, even though the Byron school district was exceptional, we figured we had Cal's school issues resolved here, so it would be okay, if we started the year here, next year. Anyway, then our landlord started showing the house, even though we were under lease (we did give him permission....we didn't want to be assholes). When he had a second family look at it this weekend, panic began to set in for us. Before we knew he was asking too much, and it probably wouldn't sell. So, we were surprised by the renewed interest. Well, fuck...he sold it today. So, our hand has been forced. We are moving to Byron before Aug. 1 (unless God decides to help us out by placing us closer to "home" before then). I had an appt. to go look at 2 places after work today, but then of course, reality really set in. Byron has really high rent, b/c of the schools. The house I looked at was super tiny. It definitely wouldn't work. The realtor talked me into looking at a duplex, also. We'd driven by them, and knew they were nice looking and newer. It's only 2 bedroom, though. And as I was walking through it, seriously contemplating living in a fucking duplex, a sickness just encompassed me. Really, it was like going back in time 18 years ago to when Brian and I lived in our first duplex. Then, it was great. We didn't have kids and we didn't have pets. I just had this overwhelming feeling of FAILURE tonight, as we have to really consider moving into a duplex. I know, I know...things could be so much worse. I'm being a whiny bitch. I just haven't lived in anything other than a house, for the past 14 years (of which we've always owned until this past year). So, it feels like taking a million steps backwards. Plus, it's an old lady that lives on the other side. I guess the walls are thin enough that you can hear the t.v. on the other side. She'd surely hear me beating my children. What? Is making a joke about child abuse crossing the line? hahaha. Well, we know my kids don't even really know what a spanking is, so I can make that joke. However, there's no privacy. And Brian listens to the t.v. so loud. I don't know. Tons of anxiety goes with even the thought of it. Brian's all for it, though. I know I'm the one that would have to deal with all of the issues, though. Ugh. And it's not that we are thinking about a duplex (although cheaper than a house, but still 200 more in rent than this house), because of the price, but really that's all that's avail. for rent in Byron. That tiny house and the duplex. It really just puts a damper on the impending move. I want to move into some place I can be somewhat excited about.
Anyway, after I dealt with all of that, I ended up starving and driving thru BK. I'm tracking my cals, etc. on livestrong.com, and let me tell you, it'd f'd me, by eating that fast food. I went over my alloted daily cals by 600. I'm going to have to work extra hard tomorrow to balance it out. It is what it is. Tomorrow will be better.
After I got home, Brian and I sat outside for a bit and had a beer (while we watched Junior eat his own shit. You're totally jealous of my life aren't you?) I ended up drinking 2 Coors Light. Yep, just 2. Like a real adult. Felt good. Maybe I should've had more, though. It's past 11, and I have to get up in 6 hours, and I'm obviously still up. Ugh.
Oh, I did want to mention something a friend told me earlier today. I'd asked her if she watched the video I posted, and she said she can't watch it, because she can't stand seeing me in pain. While that was super sweet, I just want to let you guys know, I've totally appreciated the concern lately, but really, truly, I'm okay. I use this thing to vent a lot. If I'm having a tough day, I verbalize it, whether it be silly b.s. about living in a duplex, or if it's honest to God depression. Whatever it is, I'm learning how to deal with it. I've really realized some things lately about some of my triggers, and I'm dealing with them. I also heard Jenny Mc Carthy on Stern this morning, and she talked about living in the "sadness" for years after her son was diagnosed with Autism. I push it deep down, but I know I've known forms of this sadness for the past 6 years now. I know I'm not the same person I was, pre-diagnosis, but hopefully I'll be like Jenny one day (healing from that pain), and at least be able to move past this. But for now, it's part of my make up. On top of the sadness I sometimes feel, I also have such great love in my life, and I'm blessed beyond measure in many ways. I guess it's just easier to focus on the negative than the positive (esp. if you're me :), but believe me when I say that I am working on it. I hate, hate, hate, that this site makes some of you feel sad for me. That's the last thing I want. More than anything (other than being bff's with Jenny Mc Carthy, Mary Mc Cormack, and Chelsea Handler-they've now overtaken the Dixie Chicks in my fantasy life), I want this site to provide inspiration and laughter. But at the same time, it's real. Okay, I don't think I made a very good point, so I should just stop rambling and say something funny, okay think, what's funny, funny.....funny..... shit I've got nothing.... Oh, this is kinda "funny." I f'd Prince Harry in f/m/k today. Wha
My eyes were still a little heavy this morning, but going back to work was a good distraction from my eyes and Junior (who had a very rough weekend). We found a new babysitter, so at least someone was here to make sure he was okay, and if he needed help up.
As you know, Brian and I have really been struggling with what our next move should be, or if we should even do one now. Our latest decision had been to stay here, and try like hell to get him a job on the West Coast or ID or CO, ASAP. We decided, even though the Byron school district was exceptional, we figured we had Cal's school issues resolved here, so it would be okay, if we started the year here, next year. Anyway, then our landlord started showing the house, even though we were under lease (we did give him permission....we didn't want to be assholes). When he had a second family look at it this weekend, panic began to set in for us. Before we knew he was asking too much, and it probably wouldn't sell. So, we were surprised by the renewed interest. Well, fuck...he sold it today. So, our hand has been forced. We are moving to Byron before Aug. 1 (unless God decides to help us out by placing us closer to "home" before then). I had an appt. to go look at 2 places after work today, but then of course, reality really set in. Byron has really high rent, b/c of the schools. The house I looked at was super tiny. It definitely wouldn't work. The realtor talked me into looking at a duplex, also. We'd driven by them, and knew they were nice looking and newer. It's only 2 bedroom, though. And as I was walking through it, seriously contemplating living in a fucking duplex, a sickness just encompassed me. Really, it was like going back in time 18 years ago to when Brian and I lived in our first duplex. Then, it was great. We didn't have kids and we didn't have pets. I just had this overwhelming feeling of FAILURE tonight, as we have to really consider moving into a duplex. I know, I know...things could be so much worse. I'm being a whiny bitch. I just haven't lived in anything other than a house, for the past 14 years (of which we've always owned until this past year). So, it feels like taking a million steps backwards. Plus, it's an old lady that lives on the other side. I guess the walls are thin enough that you can hear the t.v. on the other side. She'd surely hear me beating my children. What? Is making a joke about child abuse crossing the line? hahaha. Well, we know my kids don't even really know what a spanking is, so I can make that joke. However, there's no privacy. And Brian listens to the t.v. so loud. I don't know. Tons of anxiety goes with even the thought of it. Brian's all for it, though. I know I'm the one that would have to deal with all of the issues, though. Ugh. And it's not that we are thinking about a duplex (although cheaper than a house, but still 200 more in rent than this house), because of the price, but really that's all that's avail. for rent in Byron. That tiny house and the duplex. It really just puts a damper on the impending move. I want to move into some place I can be somewhat excited about.
Anyway, after I dealt with all of that, I ended up starving and driving thru BK. I'm tracking my cals, etc. on livestrong.com, and let me tell you, it'd f'd me, by eating that fast food. I went over my alloted daily cals by 600. I'm going to have to work extra hard tomorrow to balance it out. It is what it is. Tomorrow will be better.
After I got home, Brian and I sat outside for a bit and had a beer (while we watched Junior eat his own shit. You're totally jealous of my life aren't you?) I ended up drinking 2 Coors Light. Yep, just 2. Like a real adult. Felt good. Maybe I should've had more, though. It's past 11, and I have to get up in 6 hours, and I'm obviously still up. Ugh.
Oh, I did want to mention something a friend told me earlier today. I'd asked her if she watched the video I posted, and she said she can't watch it, because she can't stand seeing me in pain. While that was super sweet, I just want to let you guys know, I've totally appreciated the concern lately, but really, truly, I'm okay. I use this thing to vent a lot. If I'm having a tough day, I verbalize it, whether it be silly b.s. about living in a duplex, or if it's honest to God depression. Whatever it is, I'm learning how to deal with it. I've really realized some things lately about some of my triggers, and I'm dealing with them. I also heard Jenny Mc Carthy on Stern this morning, and she talked about living in the "sadness" for years after her son was diagnosed with Autism. I push it deep down, but I know I've known forms of this sadness for the past 6 years now. I know I'm not the same person I was, pre-diagnosis, but hopefully I'll be like Jenny one day (healing from that pain), and at least be able to move past this. But for now, it's part of my make up. On top of the sadness I sometimes feel, I also have such great love in my life, and I'm blessed beyond measure in many ways. I guess it's just easier to focus on the negative than the positive (esp. if you're me :), but believe me when I say that I am working on it. I hate, hate, hate, that this site makes some of you feel sad for me. That's the last thing I want. More than anything (other than being bff's with Jenny Mc Carthy, Mary Mc Cormack, and Chelsea Handler-they've now overtaken the Dixie Chicks in my fantasy life), I want this site to provide inspiration and laughter. But at the same time, it's real. Okay, I don't think I made a very good point, so I should just stop rambling and say something funny, okay think, what's funny, funny.....funny..... shit I've got nothing.... Oh, this is kinda "funny." I f'd Prince Harry in f/m/k today. Wha
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