My husband and me have really had different approaches to handling Ryne's illness. Hubby is less patient than me, and it's really hard for him when you're dealing with a 12 y/o boy. One minute Ryne can be trying to tackle Brian or his brother, and the next minute he's doubled over in pain. Brian has had frustration in the school Ryne's missed, etc., b/c he thinks Ryne should be able to handle it. He's right in a lot of ways. Ryne does really need to deal with it as missing school doesn't make him better. Really, it just makes it worse, because then you add the stress of making up work, etc. So, I've had to really be the one that's kind of had to stand up for Ryne with Brian or his Pediatrition. I have to work with the school nurse, his teachers, etc. No, no, I know what you're thinking...I'm making this about me. Really, I'm just trying to let you know how it's been for me before I explain some of the things from the last week. Ryne has just come off of 3 weeks of no sugar (including fruit, juice, sugar substitutes, etc). It was hard on Ryne, and I'm glad we tried it, but really we didn't see any difference. There was a couple of instances over that time, where I'd found Ryne had eaten a granola bar or something like that. It was really frustrating. So, I was feeling untrusting as we had to go into his fast leading up to his endoscopy and colonoscopoy. I really had to stay on top of him to make sure he wasn't eating, etc. It was a constant worry, as he's proven he's not always truthful of such things. So, last week while the boys were at school, I changed their bedding. I lifted Ryne's pillows to find dozens of empty Halloween candy bar wrappers. I continued to find them behind his bed and under his bed, as well. Ryne knows he's not supposed to eat in his room. In fact, he's currently on a 1 month restriction from the X-Box, for breaking that rule every single day. The candy was there....right after we'd come off of those 3 weeks without sugar. I was home alone, but I lost it. I completely lost it. How are we supposed to get him better when he eats like that? Of course his stomach is going to kill him! Look, I know that's not the only reason his tummy hurts, but if we can't trust him when we are adjusting his diet....he's liable to never get better. Finding that candy really just confirmed the fears I'd already been having about his eating habits. I get where the kid is coming from....his tummy can't handle food in the morning, so he doesn't eat until lunch, and I make him a very bland lunch, and he still can't handle much of that. By the time he gets home from school, he's starving. Instead of eating the right things, he's been binging on things that won't help him. We'll then notice that all of a sudden a box of crackers has been eaten, etc., but he'll deny, deny, deny. Ryne's lost some weight, but he hasn't lost as much as we would've expected given the amount of food we see him eat. Sooo....after getting in trouble (both for eating in his room and lying about eating his bros. Halloween candy), I took away his computer and phone.
Just a couple of days later, I was on him about his lunch box. I had to order more, because the kids keep losing them. He said he finally brought it home, and brought it in the kitchen (it had been in his bedroom). I had my back turned, as I was cleaning. By the time, I went to grab it, I saw ANTS.... all over his lunch box. They were on the outside and crawling all over the inside along his rotten banana, etc. I quickly got it into a hot, soapy sink, but there were now ants all over the counter. I killed all I could find, but I now how an ant issue in the kitchen... I would see one every once in a while before that, but nothing like it is now.... The only other time I'd seen so many was when he was made to clean his room, and he brought out bottles of soda, that had them crawling around everywhere. How is it that the biggest sugar ant problem is in a bedroom?..... We've sat him down and talked to him about not sneaking food and just telling us when he's hungry. We always have plenty of food in the house (although a lot of it is healthy, so the kids don't always think so). We want to work together with him.... We all need to be on the same level in regards to his health.
Ryne finally seemed to be "getting it." I went into Sat., feeling like we'd finally broken through to him. That is, until I saw something jabbing out of his sweat pants this weekend. For a split second, I was like Oh God that isn't a.... but I realized it couldn't be and asked him what was in his pocket as he was heading to his room. In one pocket was a FUCKING SLICE OF PIZZA and the other was full of pretzels. Dear God... I'm going to end up with an ulcer by the time this is all said and done. The kid is really thin, but I'm super worried that he's developed some food issues because of me. I mean, I've been obese a lot of his life... I've never been much of a sneak eater, but I certainly have too many stories of buying a $1 burger (before going Veggie) before going home for dinner or having Hostess Cupcakes hidden in my office drawer, etc. Okay, I guess I was more of a sneak eater than I thought. Now my son is having clear issues, and it scares the shit out of me. The last thing I want to hand down to my children are my issues. I've always worked so hard on making sure they don't get them/see them. Okay, I don't have the answers for this one... I certainly have to have a discussion with his Dr about it, though. If Ryne does have IBS or Celiac, his life is going to be centered around only eating certain foods. Okay. I'm done talking about it. I'm sorry to have burdened you with it all, but it's been consuming me.
I have fun things to talk about tomorrow. I promise. Okay, the weigh in. I was down nearly 4 lbs this week! Yay! That means I'm down a total of 18 lbs in the last 9 weeks. I'm also 9 oz away from getting down to the next # on the scale. I really want to lose a few this week, so I'm comfortably in that range. If I'm in that range, I'll feel like it's more manageable. My starting weight has been so overwhelming and has felt insurmountable most of the time. I look forward to being at a # and going, shit, you are a fat fuck, but you can do this! I mean, I'm now 11 pounds away from when I got pregnant with Cal and the Dr. told me I didn't need to eat for two. LOL! Ah.... She was right and that was a big wake up call at the time. I took a lot of weight off for a few years, before the Autism diagnosis sent me spiraling out of control. I came back from that, and I'll come back though this, too. Yay, 18 POUNDS!
I hope you all are well! As always, I thank you for your quiet support. I know you're out there.