It's drizzly outside, and that makes for decent walking conditions. I can live with a little rain. It's the wind that makes me a little crazy. One thing about me, is I really love routine. There aren't a lot of people who use the park where we walk, but I love seeing the same faces. Most of them are really friendly and seem to enjoy seeing us, too. This morning it was just Jesse and I. Our walking partner has had other commitments, so lately we've been on our own most of the time. I don't mind at all. I enjoy trying to push myself and having my little talks in my head. This morning, I saw this one lady who we usually see once or twice a week. She's a really pretty, Asian gal. One day she had a stroller with a toddler and Jackie asked how old her baby was. She explained it was her grandson. Jackie almost fell over. This gal does look really young. Good for her! Anyway, we said, "hello" this morning as usual. She is a fast runner, so I know she'll lap me at some point, but I was working hard, to limit the number of times it occurred. I know...but in these instances, my crazy competitiveness is a good thing. It drives me. I'm not going to ever be faster than her, but I want to be less slow than I have been, if that makes sense. Anyway, she's hauling ass, as usual, and as she approached me for the second time lapping me, she says, "come run with me. I can't finish if you don't push me." I started running, and she introduced herself, and said she loves that I have usually have someone to walk with and it's great I have a dog. She said it's hard for her to be motivated sometimes. It's funny. When you're heavy, you just assume it's easy for people who are totally fit like her. You almost forget, that they're human. She said, she noticed I was jogging on some of the laps. So, I ran with her, as fast as I could. The knee only allows for so much. But it was a lovely run, and it was over twice the distance I usually run, at a time. I just looked at how much I typed, explaining what happened. But truly....it meant so much to me. I find her so inspiring. At this weight, I honestly don't feel human. I feel like I don't belong, anywhere. I love that she treated me like a fellow athlete, even though I'm so far from that. I have to say: it made my day.
I'm not so much of a morning person, and I needed to start earlier in order to get my 4 miles in. Instead, I only allowed time for 3 miles. I must say it was a good 3 miles, though. I pushed myself, and added the jogging to every lap. From there, I busted ass to get home and showered and off to my first day of volunteering at the elderly care facility. I must say, it was emotionally pretty hard. As the director explained, most of their residents are "low functioning." It was gut wrenching to see people in the condition they are in. Most of the residents couldn't make eye contact, if they even opened their eyes. I welled up with tears when the director asked a resident if she wanted to sing. The resident was chewing on a towel. Anyway, the director sang, and the resident started to mouth some of the words. I found it so very heartbreaking. I thought of this woman, and how much she must've loved singing, and now her mind/body just aren't there to enjoy it, anymore. I did meet a couple of people, who should be able to engage in conversation. I figured I'd dive right in, and start the volunteering solo tomorrow. I'll be reading to residents in a one on one setting. I'm really hoping I'm a strong enough person to do this. I know it could be rewarding to my soul.
I had the meeting with the special ed dept. today, for Cal. It went really well. I warms my heart to see how much the staff seems to enjoy working with our son. I don't think I'll ever love living in IL, but it really was the right move for us. The school system is exceptional.
Boy, I was nervous coming into the weigh in this morning. I was down 3 lbs! So, I got down below that number. Now, onto the next. I'm trying really hard to be excited about 3 lbs. I have to let go of the old me, who was never satisfied. I'm down 18 pounds now from my heaviest. Even with this, I'm still super heavy for me. By this, I mean, even super fat for when I am fat. I'd love to weigh in next week and be down another 18, but that's not the way it works. I need to appreciate what I've done. My friend Tammi called today, and she was such a great cheerleader when I told her of my loss for the week. She really did help to get my mind in a better place. Since talking to her, I just keep thinking of (3) lb. tubes of hamburger. I lost that!
So far today, I'm so happy for 3 things that have brought joy to my heart: meeting Elizabeth, who pushed me harder than I've been pushing myself, my 3 mile walk, and the 3 lb. weight loss. I have more than those things to be grateful for today, but I'm exceptionally grateful for those things.
Well, I'd better get to working on the book. I'm getting closer to the end, and I really would like to finish it before I get a jobby job.
I hope you all have a wonderful day. What are your 3 things?
~Jen
I'm not so much of a morning person, and I needed to start earlier in order to get my 4 miles in. Instead, I only allowed time for 3 miles. I must say it was a good 3 miles, though. I pushed myself, and added the jogging to every lap. From there, I busted ass to get home and showered and off to my first day of volunteering at the elderly care facility. I must say, it was emotionally pretty hard. As the director explained, most of their residents are "low functioning." It was gut wrenching to see people in the condition they are in. Most of the residents couldn't make eye contact, if they even opened their eyes. I welled up with tears when the director asked a resident if she wanted to sing. The resident was chewing on a towel. Anyway, the director sang, and the resident started to mouth some of the words. I found it so very heartbreaking. I thought of this woman, and how much she must've loved singing, and now her mind/body just aren't there to enjoy it, anymore. I did meet a couple of people, who should be able to engage in conversation. I figured I'd dive right in, and start the volunteering solo tomorrow. I'll be reading to residents in a one on one setting. I'm really hoping I'm a strong enough person to do this. I know it could be rewarding to my soul.
I had the meeting with the special ed dept. today, for Cal. It went really well. I warms my heart to see how much the staff seems to enjoy working with our son. I don't think I'll ever love living in IL, but it really was the right move for us. The school system is exceptional.
Boy, I was nervous coming into the weigh in this morning. I was down 3 lbs! So, I got down below that number. Now, onto the next. I'm trying really hard to be excited about 3 lbs. I have to let go of the old me, who was never satisfied. I'm down 18 pounds now from my heaviest. Even with this, I'm still super heavy for me. By this, I mean, even super fat for when I am fat. I'd love to weigh in next week and be down another 18, but that's not the way it works. I need to appreciate what I've done. My friend Tammi called today, and she was such a great cheerleader when I told her of my loss for the week. She really did help to get my mind in a better place. Since talking to her, I just keep thinking of (3) lb. tubes of hamburger. I lost that!
So far today, I'm so happy for 3 things that have brought joy to my heart: meeting Elizabeth, who pushed me harder than I've been pushing myself, my 3 mile walk, and the 3 lb. weight loss. I have more than those things to be grateful for today, but I'm exceptionally grateful for those things.
Well, I'd better get to working on the book. I'm getting closer to the end, and I really would like to finish it before I get a jobby job.
I hope you all have a wonderful day. What are your 3 things?
~Jen
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