I'm proud to report that I made it through Halloween, having not had any candy. Every time I thought of it, I just thought how the calories weren't worth it. That's been the biggest difference for me this past month or so: thinking about everything I put into my body. I'm not saying I've made all smart choice. I know I could be doing better, but I can't think of an instance where whatever choice I made, wasn't much better than the choice I would've made before I began to think about my food choices. There have been great victories and times where I'm probably telling myself an untruth to allow myself to eat whatever it is. I'm human, and as you all know...all too human at times.
Last weekend and today, I did some major, major hiking for me. It has felt so great. Here it is November, and one day it will feel like it, then next the weather is perfect. I've hiked by myself and with friends. I love it either way. The time in nature, spent with just my dog and I is amazingly reflective. The time spent hiking with friends is also great in that it's full of great conversation and it makes it easier for me. I have more energy when I'm distracted by conversation. I'm truly grateful for those who get out there with me, when I know I'm slowing them down, but treat me as if I'm an equal. I have to say, being treated as an equal with friends and their support through this, has been really huge for me. I think of myself in such negative ways sometimes, and I know I'm so much heavier than every single one of my friends, but the support and love thrown my way is gratifying. I love talking healthy recipes with people, getting ideas from them while they get some from me. It makes me feel so...normal... Back to the hiking, today we were with D and Dagny. It was Dagny's first time off the leash, and it made me so happy. Jesse and her just stuck together and did so great. It really made my heart happy. I love the shit out of those dogs.
This was week was my third weigh-in. I went into this session, taking control from the beginning. I told her that I knew I wasn't eating perfectly, but I'm doing a lot better than before I started. She came at me with a different approach, which worked much better. She was very complimentary and we had a great session talking about food labels, etc. Somewhere in these three weeks, she gave me the wrong weight loss amount. I don't write anything down and try not to think about numbers too much, because it fucks with my head too much. But I was very happy to learn, that after 3 weeks I was down 10 pounds. Because the numbers she'd given me, didn't add up to that, I was a little thrown, as she told me at the end of our session that I was down 10. I looked at my book, with my first weigh in, though, and sure as shit...down 10. Having lost 10 pounds now, I lose 100 calories off of my daily allowance. I think I'll be alright, though. I don't usually use all my calories anyway. More than anything the scale says, I am just happy with how I feel. I feel so much better. I know some of it was a big adjustment to my blood pressure medication (humiliating to admit I have high bp), but I could never have felt this good with just a medication adjustment alone. I still have a lot of work to do on my bp, and it is something I think about everyday in the decisions I make.
I know I sound like a broken record...but really...I wasn't ready when I started...but I started. I thank God that I did. The life I was living just a month ago, is so different than today. I have so much more energy. I don't feel like I'm going to drop of a heart attack at any given moment. I sleep better. I'm so much more appreciative of the good health I have. I pray I never take my health for granted again. It's not fair to God, it's not fair to my family and friends, and it's not fair to me. So, if you're thinking about starting something, now is the time. Take that baby step. A month from now, you'll look back and be singing like I am. You can't go wrong.
I have a favor to ask of you...please keep White Five (Jim) in your prayers. Chemo is a real mother-fucker. He is strong and fighting like the strong man he is. I am so proud to be his friend. I'm hoping you'll also add Jeff to your prayers. He is loved by so many, and what has happened to him is not fair. Through it all he has kept a positive attitude and has been an inspiration to so many. I wish things were different, for him and his fight. Please ask God to continue to love Jeff and his family through it all.
-I'll leave you with a song, that's an ode to my hiking. When I'm hiking alone, it goes through my head. It's also a version of a song that a good friend loves. Enjoy.