Ahhhh....finally got past yesterday and into Sat. Friday most certainly wasn't my favorite day. I was super busy at work, and even ended up staying late. WTF? It's the day before a holiday. What happened to the days of cutting out early and the whole office going to the bar to start celebrating the holiday season around noon or 1? Those were the days. But I guess at 40, if people still do that, I don't hear about it. lol Oh wait, I guess I did in a way. When I finally got home, I was super ticked about the state of the house. The boys had been off and the house was trashed. This was in addition to all of Brian's crap, dishes, clothes, etc. being everywhere. Not a great way to start the night. I made a couple comments to Brian, which didn't make him happy. He was apparently in a mood, anyway. So, I let him be, and called 2 of my closest friends. The first one I called was pretty well smashed, even though she's 2 hours behind me in time. Her work party turned into a real party. They worked a full day, and then her boss broke out some of the holiday alcohol he'd rec'd. They all had a great time. It was super fun to talk to her, and she holds her alcohol so well you can never tell she's been drinking. I only know when she tells me. Plus, we talk about EVERYTHING, so if something "shocking" comes out of either of us, it doesn't raise any suspicions. :) I then called another girlfriend, who was also smashed. I was like MOFO, I missed the party boat. She didn't have her kids for the night, so she was cleaning and drinking wine having a good old time. Anyway, another great talk with a drunk friend at 6 p.m. their time. Haha. I love it. No, I'm not encouraging alcoholism or any of that b.s., if you don't know me. But I do encourage letting your hair down and doing whatever helps you relax and ease into a nice Christmas break.
Thankfully Brian was in a good mood this morning. We had a long talk (once again....) about needing him to be a partcipant in the house cleaning. I also talked about what a bad example we set for the kids, in that regard. He's been very loving and has promised to turn over a leaf. What about the newspaper you ask? Oh, yes...it's still there. Not only is it still there: there's now a book about the Dallas Cowboys laying next to it on the bathroom floor. He absolutely kills me, but I do love the messy fucker. So, today I'm trying to get over the anger that comes along with not getting help with the house and other things, and after I'm done with this....I'll be doing some more cleaning downstairs. But I'll be damned if I'm picking of that mother fucking newspaper or book.
So we've been in IL for close to a year and a half now. Other than going out after work with coworkers or when my friend Cookie was in town, I haven't had a girls night out here in IL. Tonight will be my first. A few of us are going out to our regular after work hangout for an Ugly Sweater party tonight. I'm super excited to dance. Other than when I went home for my 40th (and oh yes, my Vegas trip with Caity just came to mind...when I was out there alone like Whitefeather), I haven't danced in the past year and a half. If you've seen me dance, you probably think of this as a public service. I used to have to get super smashed to get on the dance floor, now that's only semi true. I do need a buzz, though. Yesterday I was doing inventory, and I took my phone out there and had the music blasting. When the guys would come back to grab parts, I'd try to talk them into busting a move. Only one guy took me up on it and it was awesome! So, I'm ready to get on my dancing shoes. Well, okay black loafers, but they'll do for tonight. As far as an ugly sweater, my friend Laura is on a mission to find me one at Goodwill. Here's the part where I can start bashing my looks and body, and how they'll go well with an ugly sweater. (After I got out of the shower, I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognized myself). But I'm not going to. For now, I am what I am. I'm not at all satisfied with it, and I will change it, but it can't happen right this second, so bashing myself isn't going to make me feel any better...
My obsessing about things and over analyzing hasn't been at its worst lately, but it's always going to be there. Lately I've been thinking about why I keep so many people at arms length. I know I do it.... I even know when I'm doing it a lot of the time. I do it even with my own family (outside of this house). I sometimes even do it with Brian to a certain extent, and I know I do it with friends. I'm the one people tell things to, and in most cases I don't tell them anything about me. Feeling vulnerable is the worst thing to me. I hate being in that position. Just like a lot of things I'm always trying to work on, this is something that's a goal of mine to improve upon. So, this song by P!nk is the song I've been relating to the most lately. It's not really just about my relationship with my messy husband, but it's also about all of my other relationships. Some more so, than others. Basically I've always felt, if I let you in, it's going to blow up in my face. And you know what, in some ways that's been the case. But I guess that's a part of life. You love hard and you'll be hurt hard. We've all been there, many times. It's why we get so upset when our husband's, friends, and family let us down or hurt our feelings. I work hard on having low expectations for people, but people sometimes penetrate that wall (insert own joke here) and bam! Anyway, blah, blah, blah. I didn't mean to go all deep. I just love and relate to this song. You should check it out.
Have a great weekend,
Jen
Screw
fear, it's contagious
Infecting everything
It makes me do such stupid,
stupid stuff
I say things I never mean
What exactly do I think?
Who am
I protecting?
If I fall it'll blow up in my face
That's just
crazy
I'm delicate, I'm sensitive
Please try to be more
careful
You're mean, you're a lunatic
Let's try to make this fun
again
It's only love, give it away
(It's only love)
You'll probably
get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly
thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lighten
up
It's only love, not a time bomb
I'm tired from last nights
fight
I wish I hadn't started it
I hate when my fear speaks for me
It
makes me nasty
I thought we could start again
Go back to the days when we
felt like friends
It's all too serious for me
And I know I'm
guilty
Matchsticks and poison
That's what I add to the fire
My
dear, I'm frozen
Turned from a saint to a liar
It's only love, give it
away
(It's only love)
You'll probably get it back again
(It's only
love)
It's simple, it's a silly thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I
wish we all could lighten up
It's only love not a time bomb
I don't
want to be precious
I don't want to feel stress
Life is for the living,
But not a living hell
So take it
Take this
Oh, you can have all of
me
Take it
Take this
Here, you can have everything
I don't want to
be flawless
When I go I want the cuts to show
So take it
Take
this
Oh, you can have all of me
Break it
Take it
Oh, fuck it, have
everything
It's only love, give it away
(It's only love)
You'll
probably get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly
thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lighten
up
It's only love not a time bomb
(It's only love)
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we
all could lighten up
It's only love not a time bomb
Thankfully Brian was in a good mood this morning. We had a long talk (once again....) about needing him to be a partcipant in the house cleaning. I also talked about what a bad example we set for the kids, in that regard. He's been very loving and has promised to turn over a leaf. What about the newspaper you ask? Oh, yes...it's still there. Not only is it still there: there's now a book about the Dallas Cowboys laying next to it on the bathroom floor. He absolutely kills me, but I do love the messy fucker. So, today I'm trying to get over the anger that comes along with not getting help with the house and other things, and after I'm done with this....I'll be doing some more cleaning downstairs. But I'll be damned if I'm picking of that mother fucking newspaper or book.
So we've been in IL for close to a year and a half now. Other than going out after work with coworkers or when my friend Cookie was in town, I haven't had a girls night out here in IL. Tonight will be my first. A few of us are going out to our regular after work hangout for an Ugly Sweater party tonight. I'm super excited to dance. Other than when I went home for my 40th (and oh yes, my Vegas trip with Caity just came to mind...when I was out there alone like Whitefeather), I haven't danced in the past year and a half. If you've seen me dance, you probably think of this as a public service. I used to have to get super smashed to get on the dance floor, now that's only semi true. I do need a buzz, though. Yesterday I was doing inventory, and I took my phone out there and had the music blasting. When the guys would come back to grab parts, I'd try to talk them into busting a move. Only one guy took me up on it and it was awesome! So, I'm ready to get on my dancing shoes. Well, okay black loafers, but they'll do for tonight. As far as an ugly sweater, my friend Laura is on a mission to find me one at Goodwill. Here's the part where I can start bashing my looks and body, and how they'll go well with an ugly sweater. (After I got out of the shower, I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognized myself). But I'm not going to. For now, I am what I am. I'm not at all satisfied with it, and I will change it, but it can't happen right this second, so bashing myself isn't going to make me feel any better...
My obsessing about things and over analyzing hasn't been at its worst lately, but it's always going to be there. Lately I've been thinking about why I keep so many people at arms length. I know I do it.... I even know when I'm doing it a lot of the time. I do it even with my own family (outside of this house). I sometimes even do it with Brian to a certain extent, and I know I do it with friends. I'm the one people tell things to, and in most cases I don't tell them anything about me. Feeling vulnerable is the worst thing to me. I hate being in that position. Just like a lot of things I'm always trying to work on, this is something that's a goal of mine to improve upon. So, this song by P!nk is the song I've been relating to the most lately. It's not really just about my relationship with my messy husband, but it's also about all of my other relationships. Some more so, than others. Basically I've always felt, if I let you in, it's going to blow up in my face. And you know what, in some ways that's been the case. But I guess that's a part of life. You love hard and you'll be hurt hard. We've all been there, many times. It's why we get so upset when our husband's, friends, and family let us down or hurt our feelings. I work hard on having low expectations for people, but people sometimes penetrate that wall (insert own joke here) and bam! Anyway, blah, blah, blah. I didn't mean to go all deep. I just love and relate to this song. You should check it out.
Have a great weekend,
Jen
Screw
fear, it's contagious
Infecting everything
It makes me do such stupid,
stupid stuff
I say things I never mean
What exactly do I think?
Who am
I protecting?
If I fall it'll blow up in my face
That's just
crazy
I'm delicate, I'm sensitive
Please try to be more
careful
You're mean, you're a lunatic
Let's try to make this fun
again
It's only love, give it away
(It's only love)
You'll probably
get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly
thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lighten
up
It's only love, not a time bomb
I'm tired from last nights
fight
I wish I hadn't started it
I hate when my fear speaks for me
It
makes me nasty
I thought we could start again
Go back to the days when we
felt like friends
It's all too serious for me
And I know I'm
guilty
Matchsticks and poison
That's what I add to the fire
My
dear, I'm frozen
Turned from a saint to a liar
It's only love, give it
away
(It's only love)
You'll probably get it back again
(It's only
love)
It's simple, it's a silly thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I
wish we all could lighten up
It's only love not a time bomb
I don't
want to be precious
I don't want to feel stress
Life is for the living,
But not a living hell
So take it
Take this
Oh, you can have all of
me
Take it
Take this
Here, you can have everything
I don't want to
be flawless
When I go I want the cuts to show
So take it
Take
this
Oh, you can have all of me
Break it
Take it
Oh, fuck it, have
everything
It's only love, give it away
(It's only love)
You'll
probably get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly
thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lighten
up
It's only love not a time bomb
(It's only love)
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we
all could lighten up
It's only love not a time bomb
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