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Diariesofafatass.com

Too Tired for Sex....

7/17/2012

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Hi All. 
Sorry I was off for the week, but let me tell you….this past couple of weeks has been positively crazy.

Last week the boys had baseball every night, we had to pack, the molar I had an appt. for actually broke, and I had to go in for an emergency root canal, it was “shut down” week at work.  The only thing I can compare it to is “hell week” with the Marines.  j/k  But really, it sucked ass.  Friday was my last day on the shutdown schedule, and our Ops. Mgr suddenly “resigned.” It was crazy…  My dept was all called in to either talk to the Director of H.R. (as I was) or the #2 with the co. that owns us….  I probably shouldn’t get into it, but it all sucked.  I
liked our Ops Mgr and if the reason it all went down, is what I think it was, then I think it’s total b.s.  But I guess there’s always more to the story, right…  It’s left a very demoralized group of guys here, and now one (for very good reason) is the outcast, for all intents and purposes. I saw that first hand, this morning in my office, with an exchange between him and another one of the guys. Ugh.  I hate this kind of stuff.  And I guess there are mor“resignations,”or whatever you want to call them coming. Before last week, I actually enjoyed this job.  I guess it’s nothing I can change, so I’ll watch the chips fall where they may.  I’ll just have to keep reminding myself that I’m a grown up, and I have this job to earn a paycheck, to take care of the family.

So….after all of that Friday, I went directly to the new house for Brian and I to sign the lease. We had Brian’s work truck and his car all packed up, and got them all unpacked in the 100+ weather.  We worked getting more stuff ready when we got back to the old house.  Sat we were up very bright and early.  Moving is always 100x more work than you think it will be.  Even in this case, I knew it’d be bad, since I’d just gone through it a year ago, but it was still worse than I thought.  Before the troops came to help (it was really nice, b/c we did have several of Brian’s co-workers, along w/ my boss and her hubby), we had to go p/u my vehicle.  I had problems with the brakes…it was just that kind of week.  The first wave of the move went well, but then Brian told the guys he didn’t need them anymore.  I nearly died….  I knew no matter how little he thought was left, it would be more….  But he didn’t listen to me L  Yes, I can get on my soap box over this one.  It resulted in several more 2 ½ hour roundtrips to finish the move.  Sun. evening we finally got everything over into the new house (btw it was about 105 all weekend, with a heat index of about 115). I took yesterday off, and we ran around all day opening up a new local bank acct., setting up stuff, dealing w/ Direct t.v., internet and all of that fun stuff.  I did get this kitchen set up, though.  Brian also got the boys’ rooms straightened out and beds put together. Brian also has today off, but most of the day is being spent in our old town for baseball practices, etc.  He also has tomorrow off. 
Hopefully he’ll be able to make some good progress then. In the meantime, I’m trying not to let the clutter bother me.  It is what it is.  And I’m always a work in progress with that stuff.  There’s a lot of talking to myself, over it :)

My boss if off today (she fell down her stairs last night).  So, today has positively been insane for me.  All day, until just recently.  It’s a pull your hair
out of type of day (speaking of which, I’m thinking of getting a wavy perm.  I haven’t had one since the ‘80’s.  Is it too out of style?  I know I’m 40…but I don’t want to look it, in my hair anyway.  The bags under my eyes make me look like I’m in my 50’s)  Once it started to relax around here, I started shopping around for my plane tix to CO next month.  While I’m at it, I may as well order the f’ing bikini.  MOFO…SOB.  I’m not completely throwing in the towel, but I have been an absolute c*nt to my body over the past 2 weeks.  No joke. I may have to order two airline seats. I can see the look of fear on all of the passengers faces now, as I waddle down the aisle, afraid that they are going to have to sit by me.  Also, Amy may have to get me a separate air mattess, as I might just take it on out, during our camping trip.

So, musically I’m completely stoked that Pink has a new song out (can’t wait for the c.d.).  It rocks, of course!  No Doubt released a single yesterday (first new c.d. in 10 freaking years), and I’m so loving Kelly Clarkson’s new song, Dark Side.  I think the song is perfect.  Not just for me, but for all of us.  We all have that dark side, in whatever way: self-sabotage, self-loathing, depression, anxiety, taking your anger out on others, wanting to take your anger out on others, lol…,etc.  So, here are the lyrics.  The song really does rock. 
Anyway, I am so very fortunate that my husband and you guys love me in
spite of my dark side.  Last night Brian talked about changing his diet, b/c he thinks I do better when he’s doing it with me.  I love him for that.  I love him for still being attracted to me, even when I’m not attracted to myself.  I love you guys putting up w/ my anxieties and all that goes with it.



There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever
gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away

Or will you
stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you
return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am


Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?

Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth
it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From
black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't
give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark
side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect

But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even
with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that
you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run
away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will
you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can
you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know
that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't
run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll
stay

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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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