The holidays are also a time for food, food, food, drink, and food. Last year, I was much better at resisting temptation than I have been this year. I have great moments in choices, but there have been a lot of bad moves on my part. I normally walk past all of the goodies at work (there are usually doughnuts out a couple times a week, etc), but I've been grazing lately-although, proud to say, I still haven't had a doughnut since 10/2016. Grazing really is about the worst thing one can do. When you do this, you have no idea how many calories you're putting into your body, and you really aren't enjoying it in the way choosing to eat those calories, should be enjoyed. This month, I haven't had it together. I've missed the past two workouts. I had a swim team meeting for Cal, that I couldn't miss on Thursday. I was bound and determined to go on Monday, even though it was right after Mom was set to arrive. I planned on it up until the last minute, but it was so nice to have her here…I chose to stay and visit instead of going to class. I can't say that I regret choosing to visit with her, as it was awesome, but at the time I should've been running and doing burpees: I was eating fudge and drinking wine. She will be here a couple of weeks, and I'm so grateful for this time. The timing of this visit, couldn't have been better.
I go into today, knowing I will eat Mom's cooking (she is seriously the BEST COOK EVER). If you say you're mom is a better cook, I will fight you to the death. (Okay, maybe not that, but I will revert to grade school remarks about how my mama is better than your mama). I have made the choice to hit my 10,000 steps every day she is here, though. I will make my classes, and I will do what I need to do-to keep my activity up (even….getting up early…which you know, kills me). I'm up nearly 4 pounds this month. This is by far, my worst stretch since changing my lifestyle. Taking that kind of weight off is so difficult, at this stage of the game. I know, I won't be losing weight over the next couple of weeks…but I will work hard to stay at only that 4 pound gain. My hope for you, is that you do better than me. Holiday weight gain is tough to come back from. Please enjoy yourself, but think through all of your choices.
I'm not really sure how to write about this next part…it's so private, but at the same time, I would really love your prayers. My uncle Denny passed away this past weekend. I was so caught off guard by it. I really couldn't think about it too much and certainly couldn't talk about it. The loss really hit me on Monday, when I went to work. I walked out into the plant, and I began to think about my uncle cheering on Danica Patrick for Caleb, and having me relay messages to him. I thought about all the times, he and my Aunt Sonny travelled to see me play basketball when I was in h.s. I thought about how great my cousins Tad and Troy have always been to me. Mostly, though, I've been thinking about Denny's unconditional love and sense of family. I'm not someone who believes people love me easily…It's something I work hard on in therapy. I wish that part of me was fixed and believing and trusting in how people say they think about me, etc. Because let me tell you, when you believe in someone, and it turns out you were wrong, it destroys you. With my uncle Denny, though, I just always knew how much he loved me - simply for being his niece. He found me on Facebook some years back, after we had lost contact for years before. He picked up right where he left off in terms of showing his love for me and my family. He never once asked anything of me, instead only giving to me. He taught us about our family history and was the glue to my dad's side of the family. His loss has hit me in ways I didn't think it could, but I'm so grateful that he and I were able to reconnect again.
It was great timing for Mom to arrive on Monday, after finding out about Denny on Sunday. It was definitely a comfort. Yesterday, however, we were blindsided again by the sudden passing of my Godmother. I was at work and worried about mom, while hurting for Carol's family. We love that family so. Mom and I were able to really sit and talk about it all, late last night. I'm so very glad she is here. I took today off in an effort to process a lot of this and spend with my Mom. I'm so very grateful to have today to think about things, rather than trying to deal while working a relentless job.
So, I ask you to add my uncle Denny and Carol to your prayers tonight. Please ask God to hold them tight while taking care of their families. They were both extraordinary people and will always be loved and missed by many.
Okay, awkward transition time…. I wish you all the most wonderful of holidays. May God bring you all peace and joy. Please take time to enjoy and shower those you love with your love and affection - that's what they want/need the most. It's not about the gifts, even though we get caught up in that. It's about letting people know just what they mean to you.