What can I say...it's been a really long and painful week. At the beginning of the week, I found out an old friend was in the hospital with a 5% chance at survival. Apparently those chances were better than first expected as they didn't think she'd make it past the first hour. I was at work when I heard the news. It was all so sudden. Whenever something tragic happens, it's always so weird how the world keeps turning, and everyone around you keeps working. They don't know about this beautiful mother of a three year old laying there in a hospital bed. In fact, if they did know about the stranger, it wouldn't alter the course of their day. We've all been there.... You just put your head down and weep to yoursself while trying to concentrate on the simplest of tasks, while praying to God and hoping nobody notices what you're going through. Yeah, that pretty much sucks.....that was my week.
I met the "Other Misty" through work many years ago. She didn't love that I referred to her as such, but when we became close, I always had to explain which Misty I was talking about. One of my closest friends is also a Misty, and I've known her since before either of us can remember. So, it made sense that this Misty became "the Other." Misty is one of those people that you immediately like upon meeting. She seriously has this larger than life personality. People are instantly smitten with her. Misty has this gift of making you feel like you are someone, like you are important. Of course, I ate that stuff up :) We quickly became friends, and she and our friend Mark, nicknamed me "JenRob." (A play on my maiden name) Oh, the three of us used to have so much fun at work. Dear God, if anyone was ever monitoring our emails....If there was something inappropriate to talk about, we talked about it until there was nothing left to defile about the subject. Man, oh man, it cracks me up just thinking about those conversations. They were too funny....
I remember a friend and I emailing and playing some "what if" game or whatever it was as we often did. Let me tell you, I love that stuff. I think we were doing something along the lines of it, "If you had to marry a friend who would it be?" I remember choosing Misty and telling my friend about her and saying that I loved that she was a vegetarian. This was probably a year or so, before I quit eating meat, but I had never known one, and I loved the discipline and heart on someone who could do that. I'll never forget my friend saying something along the lines of, "Oh my God. A vegetarian? I could never!" It's especially funny since that friend quit eating meat with me and has now eaten a mostly vegan diet the past five years. Misty had left the company by the time I decided to quit eating meat. I'd eaten meat every single day of my life, and I was at a real loss on how to eat that way. It was Misty who provided me with recipes, checked up on me and took me shopping to give me tips on what to buy, etc. I honestly had never looked at a bulk foods section before that day. I learned a ton from her. She not only ate mostly vegan, but she was big in coconut oil and other things that at the time, it seemed nobody knew about. Truly, as far as eating, she has been the healthiest eater I've ever known, by a mile.
For me, Misty has been the most charismatic person I've ever known. I really did adore her. Our friendship continued and sometimes we were closer than others. She was one who could retreat into her own little world, and I always thought I could bring her out of it. I was so naïve. I truly was.... But on the whole, I always had her back. I must mention, too, how much she loved my kids. She loved Ryne, but her and Caleb really had a special connections. Misty was in my life heavily as Caleb was getting diagnosed and we started down those years of therapies and the naturopath. Misty's nephew was diagnosed not too long after Cal, and her family lived in TX, so in a way, I think it made her feel closer to family by being close to Cal. Oh man, did Caleb adore her, too. When we moved out here, he used to ask about her all the time. She would send texts, telling me to say certain things to him, and he thought that was so bad ass.
Shortly after our first move to IL something happened, and I found that I couldn't continue having Misty in my life. There was no drama...just a decision that broke my heart. I truly wish things hadn't happened the way they did. At the time, and even looking back, it really was my only option, though. So, when I got the news earlier this week, the guilt of it all nearly choked me. I was so sad for my friend, her beautiful daughter, and he great husband. I wanted to reach out to her, but it's too late. As the next day came, the guilt had mostly left me, and it's been all consuming thoughts about my friend. I can't get the picture of her being in the hospital out of my heard. It's a graphic picture that rips me apart. Thursday night, a mutual friend let me know that she isn't going to make it. The odds are gone. I sobbed and sobbed....before drinking wine and talking to H.P. for a couple or three hours. H.P. had been there through everything that had happened. One of the things I love most about H.P. is that she understands where I'm coming from, and she's not going to blow smoke up my ass. She keeps it real. It was good to talk about Misty. It was good to talk about the good and the bad, and it was great to get things off my chest to someone who is always 100% supportive.
Misty is now in hospice, and she is never out of my thoughts. As of yesterday, it appears that I'm all cried out. My prayers that God touches and her and give her a miracle remain, but I'm actually able to move around without feeling like someone that has just come out of a coma.
I know I've gone on and on, and I'm sure it's all sounded narcissistic, but it's what's going on right now. I chose to write about it, because we all have those relationships in our lives that aren't easy or where we've separated from those who were once so important to us. Life is short. There's no room for any of the bullshit. We love the ones we love for a reason. Here's hoping we can be forgiving in everything, including ourselves.
I ask that you pray for the "Other Misty." Please.....include her in your prayers. She's a rare soul, and it's too soon for her to leave this earth.
All my love,
JenRob
I met the "Other Misty" through work many years ago. She didn't love that I referred to her as such, but when we became close, I always had to explain which Misty I was talking about. One of my closest friends is also a Misty, and I've known her since before either of us can remember. So, it made sense that this Misty became "the Other." Misty is one of those people that you immediately like upon meeting. She seriously has this larger than life personality. People are instantly smitten with her. Misty has this gift of making you feel like you are someone, like you are important. Of course, I ate that stuff up :) We quickly became friends, and she and our friend Mark, nicknamed me "JenRob." (A play on my maiden name) Oh, the three of us used to have so much fun at work. Dear God, if anyone was ever monitoring our emails....If there was something inappropriate to talk about, we talked about it until there was nothing left to defile about the subject. Man, oh man, it cracks me up just thinking about those conversations. They were too funny....
I remember a friend and I emailing and playing some "what if" game or whatever it was as we often did. Let me tell you, I love that stuff. I think we were doing something along the lines of it, "If you had to marry a friend who would it be?" I remember choosing Misty and telling my friend about her and saying that I loved that she was a vegetarian. This was probably a year or so, before I quit eating meat, but I had never known one, and I loved the discipline and heart on someone who could do that. I'll never forget my friend saying something along the lines of, "Oh my God. A vegetarian? I could never!" It's especially funny since that friend quit eating meat with me and has now eaten a mostly vegan diet the past five years. Misty had left the company by the time I decided to quit eating meat. I'd eaten meat every single day of my life, and I was at a real loss on how to eat that way. It was Misty who provided me with recipes, checked up on me and took me shopping to give me tips on what to buy, etc. I honestly had never looked at a bulk foods section before that day. I learned a ton from her. She not only ate mostly vegan, but she was big in coconut oil and other things that at the time, it seemed nobody knew about. Truly, as far as eating, she has been the healthiest eater I've ever known, by a mile.
For me, Misty has been the most charismatic person I've ever known. I really did adore her. Our friendship continued and sometimes we were closer than others. She was one who could retreat into her own little world, and I always thought I could bring her out of it. I was so naïve. I truly was.... But on the whole, I always had her back. I must mention, too, how much she loved my kids. She loved Ryne, but her and Caleb really had a special connections. Misty was in my life heavily as Caleb was getting diagnosed and we started down those years of therapies and the naturopath. Misty's nephew was diagnosed not too long after Cal, and her family lived in TX, so in a way, I think it made her feel closer to family by being close to Cal. Oh man, did Caleb adore her, too. When we moved out here, he used to ask about her all the time. She would send texts, telling me to say certain things to him, and he thought that was so bad ass.
Shortly after our first move to IL something happened, and I found that I couldn't continue having Misty in my life. There was no drama...just a decision that broke my heart. I truly wish things hadn't happened the way they did. At the time, and even looking back, it really was my only option, though. So, when I got the news earlier this week, the guilt of it all nearly choked me. I was so sad for my friend, her beautiful daughter, and he great husband. I wanted to reach out to her, but it's too late. As the next day came, the guilt had mostly left me, and it's been all consuming thoughts about my friend. I can't get the picture of her being in the hospital out of my heard. It's a graphic picture that rips me apart. Thursday night, a mutual friend let me know that she isn't going to make it. The odds are gone. I sobbed and sobbed....before drinking wine and talking to H.P. for a couple or three hours. H.P. had been there through everything that had happened. One of the things I love most about H.P. is that she understands where I'm coming from, and she's not going to blow smoke up my ass. She keeps it real. It was good to talk about Misty. It was good to talk about the good and the bad, and it was great to get things off my chest to someone who is always 100% supportive.
Misty is now in hospice, and she is never out of my thoughts. As of yesterday, it appears that I'm all cried out. My prayers that God touches and her and give her a miracle remain, but I'm actually able to move around without feeling like someone that has just come out of a coma.
I know I've gone on and on, and I'm sure it's all sounded narcissistic, but it's what's going on right now. I chose to write about it, because we all have those relationships in our lives that aren't easy or where we've separated from those who were once so important to us. Life is short. There's no room for any of the bullshit. We love the ones we love for a reason. Here's hoping we can be forgiving in everything, including ourselves.
I ask that you pray for the "Other Misty." Please.....include her in your prayers. She's a rare soul, and it's too soon for her to leave this earth.
All my love,
JenRob
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