This meme couldn't be more true....I have to admit that I think that way much less these days, but I've thought this way for most of my life. More than anything now, I try to think of the consequences of what I'm eating. How much will I have to walk to burn that off? How many days of eating good will this ruin? That goes a long way with me. I'm pretty fucking lazy. I don't want to have to work that hard to undo a meal. I say this, but at the same time, I've been thinking about what I need to do to shake things up. My body hasn't been responding as well these past couple of weeks. In thinking of this, I thought about my wine nights (once, sometimes twice a week) and how maybe I should stop. I usually have a Thai night in there, too (usually on the same night). I entertained that thought for about two seconds before cussing myself out, How dare you take away the thing that brings you the most joy! Fuck off. You eat that Thai. You drink that wine. Yes, my food demons are always close at hand. I find it funny that I have such a violent reaction to my own thoughts.
It's January, in the Midwest, so of course the weather has been pretty extreme. Yesterday, it took another extreme direction, and was actually beautiful. I think it got to the mid-fifties or something like that. The sun was out. Oh man...it was chicken soup for the soul. My friend and I took the dogs hiking. We try to get them together once a week or so, so the dogs can burn off some energy. They run laps around my house and go in and out of the house. Yesterday is the first time they've been hiking (well, at least for Jesse) in a couple of months. Oh my God, it was so great, when we let them out of the cars, they just ran crazy in the parking lot. I was dying. It was so great to see. We hiked for quite some time, and I don't think I've ever seen those dogs so happy. A lot of the hike was crazy muddy. I'm really shocked I didn't totally bite it. I came close a couple of times. It felt so good, though. I came home and went right into doing chores. Hiking, Vitamin D, laughter, all gives an energy that you can't find in any pill. It's 32 out right now and a little wet, but I'll still get myself out there today. I need to build off of yesterday. I had been a week since I'd had my last 10k day (actually 12k the last time), and that really is unacceptable. That could be a reason I've been struggling with the weight these last couple of weeks. I was down 10 oz at my last weigh-in. I'll take it, but I'm capable of more. I'm a little worried going into this week's weigh-in, as it's that time of month-but my body doesn't know what to do with it. It started, stopped, spotting, water retention, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to have to work really hard to overcome it this week. I'm just hoping it really starts by Wed. But I guess...if it doesn't and things aren't what I want them to be, I need to remind myself it's not about the weekly weigh-ins. It's about going the distance. It's a marathon, and there are always stumbles in a marathon.
I turn 45 in a month. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not freaked out about turning 45...which is weird for me. I usually take birthdays pretty hard. I don't know, 45 just has a nice ring to it. A friend and I were talking about low self-esteem the other day. I thought about the lowest my self-esteem ever was. There was a time, when I couldn't understand why my friends would want to be friends with me, even. Thankfully that period was fairly short-lived, but self-esteem has always been an issue. I work on it. My therapist probably wants to pull her hair out at times, wanting to make it click for me. I have come a very long way. Age has helped with that. I think about turning 45 and how far I've come in that way. I'll take the benefits of higher self-esteem, caring less about what people think of me, and things along those lines that age brings. Now, I wish it wasn't bringing the panic it does about retirement and if we'll be ready. That has really been bugging me all week. I've got to make some changes to our planning. Hopefully there will be time. Back to the positive: every birthday I make a promise to myself that I will be more healthy by my next birthday, etc. I'm going into this birthday, fulfilling the empty promise I made to myself last year. I still have a long way to go, but I feel good about my progress. I feel good about where I'm at. The scale wasn't overly kind last week, but it was the lowest my blood pressure has been in months. I'll take that over pounds loss any day. The bp has been extremely frustrating to me. I'm hoping and praying this bp trend continues. As the person I weigh-in with every week says, "It's a non-scale victory." I'll take it!
Brian and I had a wonderful dinner last night with White Five, his girlfriend, and my dear friend Cindy. We celebrated White Five being declared cancer-free and the end of his radiation! I mean, wow...we've been waiting for this. I'm so very happy for him. I'm so ready for him to start feeling better and getting back all that cancer has taken from him. He'll even be back to work in a week. I can't wait. I've missed him so very much. The dinner was wonderful and full of laughter as always with that group. If I ever need to feel the love, I simply need to hang around those friends. So, I'll end this thanking you all for your prayers for Jim's recovery. I can't even express how much I appreciate you.
I hope you're able to make the most out of this Sunday. Hopefully the sun is shining wherever you may be. I will be spending part of my day with a friend and checking out This is Us. We are probably the last two people on the planet to see it, but we are going to start by watching the first few episodes. Whatever you're hoping for out of this day, I hope you find it. We are the only ones who can create our own happiness. Enjoy!
~Jen
I'll watch this video for the first time. It took me a few listens before I really knew what this song was about. I didn't think it could be about the death of a child, but I guess it is. I attended a viewing for the son of a co-worker, not so many days ago. It is truly the "unimaginable." May we all hold our kids tight and remember each day what truly are the most important things in our lives.
It's January, in the Midwest, so of course the weather has been pretty extreme. Yesterday, it took another extreme direction, and was actually beautiful. I think it got to the mid-fifties or something like that. The sun was out. Oh man...it was chicken soup for the soul. My friend and I took the dogs hiking. We try to get them together once a week or so, so the dogs can burn off some energy. They run laps around my house and go in and out of the house. Yesterday is the first time they've been hiking (well, at least for Jesse) in a couple of months. Oh my God, it was so great, when we let them out of the cars, they just ran crazy in the parking lot. I was dying. It was so great to see. We hiked for quite some time, and I don't think I've ever seen those dogs so happy. A lot of the hike was crazy muddy. I'm really shocked I didn't totally bite it. I came close a couple of times. It felt so good, though. I came home and went right into doing chores. Hiking, Vitamin D, laughter, all gives an energy that you can't find in any pill. It's 32 out right now and a little wet, but I'll still get myself out there today. I need to build off of yesterday. I had been a week since I'd had my last 10k day (actually 12k the last time), and that really is unacceptable. That could be a reason I've been struggling with the weight these last couple of weeks. I was down 10 oz at my last weigh-in. I'll take it, but I'm capable of more. I'm a little worried going into this week's weigh-in, as it's that time of month-but my body doesn't know what to do with it. It started, stopped, spotting, water retention, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to have to work really hard to overcome it this week. I'm just hoping it really starts by Wed. But I guess...if it doesn't and things aren't what I want them to be, I need to remind myself it's not about the weekly weigh-ins. It's about going the distance. It's a marathon, and there are always stumbles in a marathon.
I turn 45 in a month. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I'm not freaked out about turning 45...which is weird for me. I usually take birthdays pretty hard. I don't know, 45 just has a nice ring to it. A friend and I were talking about low self-esteem the other day. I thought about the lowest my self-esteem ever was. There was a time, when I couldn't understand why my friends would want to be friends with me, even. Thankfully that period was fairly short-lived, but self-esteem has always been an issue. I work on it. My therapist probably wants to pull her hair out at times, wanting to make it click for me. I have come a very long way. Age has helped with that. I think about turning 45 and how far I've come in that way. I'll take the benefits of higher self-esteem, caring less about what people think of me, and things along those lines that age brings. Now, I wish it wasn't bringing the panic it does about retirement and if we'll be ready. That has really been bugging me all week. I've got to make some changes to our planning. Hopefully there will be time. Back to the positive: every birthday I make a promise to myself that I will be more healthy by my next birthday, etc. I'm going into this birthday, fulfilling the empty promise I made to myself last year. I still have a long way to go, but I feel good about my progress. I feel good about where I'm at. The scale wasn't overly kind last week, but it was the lowest my blood pressure has been in months. I'll take that over pounds loss any day. The bp has been extremely frustrating to me. I'm hoping and praying this bp trend continues. As the person I weigh-in with every week says, "It's a non-scale victory." I'll take it!
Brian and I had a wonderful dinner last night with White Five, his girlfriend, and my dear friend Cindy. We celebrated White Five being declared cancer-free and the end of his radiation! I mean, wow...we've been waiting for this. I'm so very happy for him. I'm so ready for him to start feeling better and getting back all that cancer has taken from him. He'll even be back to work in a week. I can't wait. I've missed him so very much. The dinner was wonderful and full of laughter as always with that group. If I ever need to feel the love, I simply need to hang around those friends. So, I'll end this thanking you all for your prayers for Jim's recovery. I can't even express how much I appreciate you.
I hope you're able to make the most out of this Sunday. Hopefully the sun is shining wherever you may be. I will be spending part of my day with a friend and checking out This is Us. We are probably the last two people on the planet to see it, but we are going to start by watching the first few episodes. Whatever you're hoping for out of this day, I hope you find it. We are the only ones who can create our own happiness. Enjoy!
~Jen
I'll watch this video for the first time. It took me a few listens before I really knew what this song was about. I didn't think it could be about the death of a child, but I guess it is. I attended a viewing for the son of a co-worker, not so many days ago. It is truly the "unimaginable." May we all hold our kids tight and remember each day what truly are the most important things in our lives.
RSS Feed