It has not been easy since October. I’ve experienced more pain in that time frame, than I even knew was possible. Still, I plug away at it, and I’m so grateful for all of the times I did not run to food, when I wanted to. It’s still a conscious decision-time after time. I’m so grateful that my body has begun to heal with the weight loss, and I’m able to push myself more and more. Hiking has become my church. I feel so close to everything when I’m out there, and my body rewards me for every step. I’m grateful for those who have and still do, hike with me, even though I’m slow as molasses. I’m thankful for those who have checked in with me on weigh-in days, or at random times to see how I’m doing or talk about how they’re doing in their journey. It’s funny, since talking about 100 pounds, is so difficult, because on the whole, I love talking about it. I can feel myself light up, every time someone asks, seemingly out of nowhere, how I did this. I’m happy to share my experience, and proud that I’m not sending anyone on some crazy diet type thing. I’m also blessed to be married to someone who remained attracted to me through it all, but I can tell you this, he’s way more handsy these days-ha. Really, it’s just eating smart and being active. I have no real rules. I’ve learned things about my body in limiting things, though: red meat doesn’t love me. Soda makes my skin gross (and I’m on the Diet Coke right now-and it’s noticeable), sugar is the devil. I would have never known these things, before I made changes and could actually give my body a chance to respond, in a way I could recognize. Yes, I still eat red meat (I even had a burger on Sat-but felt like shit afterward). I still struggle most with soda. I go off for weeks/months, and then it creeps back into my life. I wanted to eliminate it this week, but my period is kicking my ass, so I will wait a few days. Sugar is the trap door I work hardest to avoid. My taste buds have changed, and
I have really learned to appreciate natural sugars. I try to average 10,000 steps a day (I love my fitbit), and I love the energy this all gives me.
As I type, I’ve had tears, thinking of things, and I’ve smiled…knowing just how far I’ve come. I actually fit pretty good in my airline seat last month. I remember the time before when I’d flown, I’d promised myself I wouldn’t fly again, until I’d lost weight. I’m thrilled for the energy it gave me to be as active as I was in Alaska. I love that I’ve grown to dislike television (except My 600 LB life-that’s my crack), because I hate sitting still. I love that I got hit on at Wal-Mart yesterday, by a random stranger. (okay, maybe not so much hit on, but he was giving me the smile-if you know what I mean). In that moment, when I wanted to look around and see who he was smiling at, it reminded me of how far I’ve come…that I’m just another person now-not someone who felt unworthy of being looked at.
I don’t know if any of this has made sense, but I knew I needed to write, and I don’t know when the right time was going to be. I kept making excuses, but this blog has always been about honesty, and now you know.
Here’s to good health for us all.
Cheers, (red wine is good for you ;)