Earlier this week I unpublished this site. I've thought a lot about this and have talked to a couple of friends about this decision. My friends are very supportive of me continuing with the blog. I agree with them in that it's an outlet for me. Really, it's become my biggest outlet. If I think too hard about that, it makes me a little sad. I mean.....my most intimate relationship (outside of my home) comes via the internet. It is what it is, though.
I thought it was important to explain my decision for leaving this site. I owe that to you. You've taken time out of your day to read about my life. When I started this blog, it was an honest effort to motivate myself to become healthier, and I was hopeful that people would see my journey and be inspired. I whole heartedly believe in a vegan diet. Ironically, since starting this thing, I've hardly followed that diet. In fact, I've gained a great deal of weight since starting this blog. Having the blog has not had any affect on any weight gain, but in gaining weight, the blog hasn't served its intended purpose. I really wanted to inspire, not only myself, but those who took the time to read it. Obviously I've failed in that respect. The blog began to take an unexpected direction when it became a diary for just about everything in my life. What's funny is, that's when it really started to hit home with people. I got so many messages about how people could relate so much to my story, my thoughts, my struggles. The readership of the blog grew to much more than I could've ever imagined. From starting with nobody to 24,810 "unique visitors" in the past year. Wow. That number is so huge to me, and let me tell you, so very appreciated. With a number like that, obviously I don't know most of the people that have visited the site. With that, recently I started to break my own rules. There are certain things that I considered off-limits to a certain extent. I spoke about my Dad. Family was something that I never wanted to really talk about. Why bring them into this? Having a blog is a one way street. It's from my point of view only. I don't feel like it's fair to my Dad that people only hear my side (I certainly didn't talk about everything, but I should've talked about nothing). Also, I found myself in a very sad, confused, lost state of mind in regards to my marriage recently. It was not a fun time. I needed an outlet, and I said things I wouldn't normally say in regards to my marriage. I put a lot of things out there, and it was done in a moment of hurt. Hurt that I wasn't sure would pass. That's the only post I've ever gone back and deleted. That post did not tell the story of my relationship with my husband. It was unfair...it was my again from my point of view only. My husband is a really good person. In many ways, we have a very strong marriage. The snap shot that I put out there was not from a good place. It all would've been fine, if this blog went to just people I don't know. But there are people I know that read this. I'm sure there's even some friends and family that read it, that I don't realize do. If I'm going to have a completely open and honest blog, I can't worry about who reads what. If people don't know me, there's no reason to protect anyone or shield them from my words or thoughts. That's the main reason for ending this blog. I can't continue knowing that friends and family read this thing. I go back to the fact that this is my outlet. So, moving forward I'll be starting over with a new blog on another site, or I'll move this somewhere else and tell nobody about it. That being said, again I so appreciate you being with me all of this time. If I truly don't know you, and you have a genuine interest in wanting to follow my journey, you can email me at the address to the right. I'll let you know the site address.
I have to say that leaving this site behind, does make me sad. I'm really, really proud of this site. I've put a lot of time and effort into it. I've learned a lot about myself (and others) through this medium. That being said, I'm hopeful about my "new start" elsewhere. Maybe this time, I'll be able to accomplish what I didn't with this site. I hope to inspire, starting with myself. Thanks again, my friends. Cheers, to freedom.
I'll leave you with my current, favorite song. The lyrics are positively wonderful.
Much Love,
Jen
I'll be kind, if you'll be faithful
You be sweet and I'll be grateful
Cover me with kisses dear
Lighten up the atmosphere
Keep me warm inside our bed
I got dreams of you all through my head
Fortune teller said I'd be free
And that's the day you came to me
Came to me
Come to me my sweetest friend
Can you feel my heart again
I'll take you back where you belong
And this will be our favorite song
Come to me with secrets bare
I'll love you more so don't be scared
And when we're old and near the end
We'll go home and start again
I caught you burnin' photographs
Like that could save you from your past
History is like gravity
It holds you down away from me
You and me, we've both got sins
And I don't care about where you've been
Don't be sad and don't explain
This is where we start again
Start again
Come to me my sweetest friend
Can you feel my heart again
I'll take you back where you belong
And this will be our favorite song
Come to me with secrets bare
I'll love you more so don't be scared
And when we're old and near the end
We'll go home and start again
Start again
Today's the day I'll make you mine
So get me to the church on time
Take my hand in this empty room
You're my girl, and I'm your groom
Come to me my sweetest friend
This is where we start again,
Again
Come to me my sweetest friend
Can you feel my heart again
I'll take you back where you belong
And this will be our favorite song
Come to me with secrets bare
I'll love you more so don't be scared
When we're old and near the end
We'll go home and start again
Start again
Read more: Goo Goo Dolls - Come To Me Lyrics | MetroLyrics
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