I ran out to the car to grab something tonight, and I thought about the fact that I haven't spent any time outside today...scratch that, this week. I took a minute to scan the sky, searching for any break in the clouds in hopes of catching a star. Not today, but I really should've taken the time at some point today to take even just five minutes to appreciate my surroundings. It's so easy to get caught up in life, running from here to there, seemingly never stopping. I spend at a very minimum, an hour and a half in a car a day. As I took the moment to look up tonight, I thought about my days and how they're spent. We work so hard to create our life, but we spend so little time actually living it. How did we get to a point, that we don't take even a few minutes to take in the elements? My days are spent in a car, desperately trying to get to work, get somewhere in time to get the kids to practice or whatever they have going on. My days are spent in an office doing a job that I find very little joy in, but it helps to pay for this life we've created. I need to find a way to look back at my day and see more than just a blur of a day. We are all searching for that, I guess. So, although I worked late tonight, I've made the most of my time with my family. I wanted to change the way I looked back at my day. I've been so tired lately...going to sleep so early, it's the family part I've been missing out on. Yeah, that's just fucked up... I really need to reevaluate my priorities.
In the same line of thinking...I've known I've had to do something about this weight. I've not been taking care of myself lately, and quite frankly, I just haven't been feeling well. I know that food when mindfully eaten is medicine, but when there's nothing but mindless eating, it really takes a toll, mentally and physically. My body has been screaming, what in the fuck are you doing to me? for a few months now. So, I took a pretty drastic step. I haven't been able to do this on my own, so I listened to a friend and a program she's currently on and decided I'd better try it. It's funny, usually when I start something, I feel ready for it...stoked...but not this time. I just feel like, I have to... Maybe that will work...maybe that's the thing that will stick. It's essentially just smart eating, with accountability. I have to meet with the weight loss specialist each week and weigh in. Once a month my measurements will be taken. I met my weight loss specialist, today, for the first time. (I'd done the intake labs, etc last weekend). I know three people who have done this program, and all three told me, "You'll love her. She has a foul mouth." Eh, well, I guess they know me ;) I did like her, but more than anything, I sat there in shame. It's hard to have somebody see the weight you try so hard to avoid thinking about or showing, let alone spending an hour talking about. I came away from the appointment, feeling nervous...am I going to shit the bed? Make a fool out of myself? In true fatass fashion, I was then hard on myself...for getting to this place. A funny thing happened, though...a friend was excited I was doing this. We sat down together and went over a plan to kind of go through this together. This gal doesn't have much to lose. I think she's shooting for 10 pounds. But she spoke to me as an equal and a partner in this. That goes a long, long way. I feel great, that she and I are going to bring a healthy lunch a couple of times a week to share. My friend Marie, who turned me onto this program will also be a great source of motivation. She lost 10 pounds in her first week. How fucking awesome is that?! Anyway, reluctantly, I'm getting going. I hit my calories today, which I'm proud of, since the counselor kept talking about starting tomorrow, and the fatass thinking was like....eat shit tons today. Hopefully I'll get more excited as this goes on..in fact, I'm sure I will. So, I'm here to tell you, if this fatass can start, even while kicking and screaming, you can start this, too. We can be a support system for each other :) Thanks for being here through it all. Writing is so therapeutic for me. I'm so very grateful for this outlet.
Hopefully there are some stars for you to watch tonight. Make sure to make your wish.
I'll leave you with a song a friend recently turned me onto. Just plain good writing.
~Jen
In the same line of thinking...I've known I've had to do something about this weight. I've not been taking care of myself lately, and quite frankly, I just haven't been feeling well. I know that food when mindfully eaten is medicine, but when there's nothing but mindless eating, it really takes a toll, mentally and physically. My body has been screaming, what in the fuck are you doing to me? for a few months now. So, I took a pretty drastic step. I haven't been able to do this on my own, so I listened to a friend and a program she's currently on and decided I'd better try it. It's funny, usually when I start something, I feel ready for it...stoked...but not this time. I just feel like, I have to... Maybe that will work...maybe that's the thing that will stick. It's essentially just smart eating, with accountability. I have to meet with the weight loss specialist each week and weigh in. Once a month my measurements will be taken. I met my weight loss specialist, today, for the first time. (I'd done the intake labs, etc last weekend). I know three people who have done this program, and all three told me, "You'll love her. She has a foul mouth." Eh, well, I guess they know me ;) I did like her, but more than anything, I sat there in shame. It's hard to have somebody see the weight you try so hard to avoid thinking about or showing, let alone spending an hour talking about. I came away from the appointment, feeling nervous...am I going to shit the bed? Make a fool out of myself? In true fatass fashion, I was then hard on myself...for getting to this place. A funny thing happened, though...a friend was excited I was doing this. We sat down together and went over a plan to kind of go through this together. This gal doesn't have much to lose. I think she's shooting for 10 pounds. But she spoke to me as an equal and a partner in this. That goes a long, long way. I feel great, that she and I are going to bring a healthy lunch a couple of times a week to share. My friend Marie, who turned me onto this program will also be a great source of motivation. She lost 10 pounds in her first week. How fucking awesome is that?! Anyway, reluctantly, I'm getting going. I hit my calories today, which I'm proud of, since the counselor kept talking about starting tomorrow, and the fatass thinking was like....eat shit tons today. Hopefully I'll get more excited as this goes on..in fact, I'm sure I will. So, I'm here to tell you, if this fatass can start, even while kicking and screaming, you can start this, too. We can be a support system for each other :) Thanks for being here through it all. Writing is so therapeutic for me. I'm so very grateful for this outlet.
Hopefully there are some stars for you to watch tonight. Make sure to make your wish.
I'll leave you with a song a friend recently turned me onto. Just plain good writing.
~Jen
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