I guess you can tell by the title that Aunt Flow finally arrived this morning. Praise God. Hmmm... Guess I should've gone to church today. The lead up has absolutely kicked my ass. I've been so wiped out this past few days. Thurs. night I pieced together about 3 hours sleep. I'm usually a pretty light sleeper, and a nasty thunder/lightning storm came through and lasteed most of the night and into half my commute. No matter what terrible things I tried (sugar, caffeine, etc.), I could not really wake up on Fri. I felt like a zombie. After work, I also had to go another hour out of my way to pick up Junior's dog food. By the time I got home, I just passed out. I slept about 2 or 3 hours, and then woke up for a couple of hours before going to sleep for the night.
Yesterday we had a really nice family day. We got out of Dodge and finally got some groceries in the house. We also had to replace the Wii (which bit the dust same week as our computer). We bought a used one, so we were able to save a little money, thank goodness. We also had a nice dinner at Red Lobster. On the drive home, my stomach just started kiling me. Once again, it knocked me out. I slept for a couple of hours, and then woke up for a few hours, and spent time watching t.v. with Brian. He was very gentlemanly, in offering to uncork me, but I was too miserable to even think about it. haha.
I woke up early this morning (as I now do everyday, with my new schedule). I was up for a while before Brian, and he noticed that I looked different right away. He said, "you actually have a smile on your face. You must be feeling better." That was about an hour before AF finally arrived. I tell you what....it's really been f'ing with me. I also have to take responsibility for my part in how badly its been messing with me. I know diet plays a big part in it. I let it take control over me, and fed into all of the demons that make it worse (except for alcohol, that was pretty limited). Today I feel myself again....whatever that is. I've also really been able to think about some things from therapy last week, and I find it healing. I'm my own worst enemy. I have to work hard on not beating myself up over not being "good enough" or "less than" anyone, or even caring for Christ's sake what people think. I don't know why I'm like this. I always have been, though. In a nutshell, I'm never good enough for myself, and I set my standards too high for people in my life, too. I let myself get let down too easily. It's another thing I need to work on. I need to just be happy with myself, period (no pun intended, but that was pretty good).
I will say that I'm pretty proud of myself for some financial decisions I've made this week. I'm terrible with money.... It sucks that I'm the one in charge of it for this household, because really, I suck. I'm trying, though. I wish Brian could take it over, but he's even worse than me. He'd make sure we always had spending $, but he'd always forget about the bills. So, this week I actually made some good, grown up decisions. Oh, and I also got my first paycheck. That was GREAT feeling. I hated not feeling like a contributor. While the commute and gas usage completely suck, the job is growing on me. I just wish we lived closer, but I've decided it's my deal, and I'll need to suck it up. I don't want to move the kids, when we know that another move would probably be immenent in the next couple of years.
I'll start logging my food and exercise tomorrow. It'll be a nice challenge on my heaviest flow day. My head should be on straight, and that's what it all comes down to, so hopefully I won'd dissapoint you guys. BTW, Amy is blogging again. Check it out. She is kicking some serious ass. It's inspiring. Hope you all have a great Sunday and remainder of your weekend.
Much Love,
Jen
Yesterday we had a really nice family day. We got out of Dodge and finally got some groceries in the house. We also had to replace the Wii (which bit the dust same week as our computer). We bought a used one, so we were able to save a little money, thank goodness. We also had a nice dinner at Red Lobster. On the drive home, my stomach just started kiling me. Once again, it knocked me out. I slept for a couple of hours, and then woke up for a few hours, and spent time watching t.v. with Brian. He was very gentlemanly, in offering to uncork me, but I was too miserable to even think about it. haha.
I woke up early this morning (as I now do everyday, with my new schedule). I was up for a while before Brian, and he noticed that I looked different right away. He said, "you actually have a smile on your face. You must be feeling better." That was about an hour before AF finally arrived. I tell you what....it's really been f'ing with me. I also have to take responsibility for my part in how badly its been messing with me. I know diet plays a big part in it. I let it take control over me, and fed into all of the demons that make it worse (except for alcohol, that was pretty limited). Today I feel myself again....whatever that is. I've also really been able to think about some things from therapy last week, and I find it healing. I'm my own worst enemy. I have to work hard on not beating myself up over not being "good enough" or "less than" anyone, or even caring for Christ's sake what people think. I don't know why I'm like this. I always have been, though. In a nutshell, I'm never good enough for myself, and I set my standards too high for people in my life, too. I let myself get let down too easily. It's another thing I need to work on. I need to just be happy with myself, period (no pun intended, but that was pretty good).
I will say that I'm pretty proud of myself for some financial decisions I've made this week. I'm terrible with money.... It sucks that I'm the one in charge of it for this household, because really, I suck. I'm trying, though. I wish Brian could take it over, but he's even worse than me. He'd make sure we always had spending $, but he'd always forget about the bills. So, this week I actually made some good, grown up decisions. Oh, and I also got my first paycheck. That was GREAT feeling. I hated not feeling like a contributor. While the commute and gas usage completely suck, the job is growing on me. I just wish we lived closer, but I've decided it's my deal, and I'll need to suck it up. I don't want to move the kids, when we know that another move would probably be immenent in the next couple of years.
I'll start logging my food and exercise tomorrow. It'll be a nice challenge on my heaviest flow day. My head should be on straight, and that's what it all comes down to, so hopefully I won'd dissapoint you guys. BTW, Amy is blogging again. Check it out. She is kicking some serious ass. It's inspiring. Hope you all have a great Sunday and remainder of your weekend.
Much Love,
Jen
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