My eating & soda drinking have been out of control...I can feel it in my stomach, too. I don't want to know how much I've put on. I can't keep doing this to my body. I know it's not good. Up, down, up, down...but I never get down to where I want to be. I'm fed up w/ myself. Quite honestly, sick of myself and my false promises that I make to you and me.
Come Monday (wow...I wish I had a penny for every time I've said that) I'm getting my ass in gear. I'm supposed to go to Vegas w/ friends next month, and I don't want to feel like this. It's too late to lose any real amt of weight before the trip, but it's not too late to get my mood better. I have anxieties about the trip, as usual. I'll be the only fat one. The fat one needs to be the "funny one," so I've gotta get my spirits up and wit back. I don't even like to be with myself when I'm doing poorly, so I'm damn sure nobody else would want to be around me, either.
Anyway, enough of that. I finished reading, The Help today. Holy toledo, what a fantastic book! I also took Cal to see a Dolphin's Tale today. I highly recommend it. Not only as a family movie, but for anyone. The boys are now cleaning up, and winding down for the night. Brian is at work, so I'll be on my own soon enough. Hmmm.... Do I watch "Whitney" or do I kick back and watch Bridesmaids (bought the dvd today). If I watch Bridesmaids, I'll have to throw back a couple of beers. What a loser...possibly drinking 2 nights in a row. I think it'd been a few weeks or so, since I'd last had a beer. I know I don't have a problem, but I'm very aware of how often I drink. With the blood running through my veins, it could get out of hand too quickly. I made a decision at a fairly young age, that I wasn't going to let alcoholism define who I am, like so many I know... Anyhow, I also know a couple of beers, while watching the movie, might lighten my mood...and help me sleep. Yes, spoken like a true alcoholic.
Come Monday (wow...I wish I had a penny for every time I've said that) I'm getting my ass in gear. I'm supposed to go to Vegas w/ friends next month, and I don't want to feel like this. It's too late to lose any real amt of weight before the trip, but it's not too late to get my mood better. I have anxieties about the trip, as usual. I'll be the only fat one. The fat one needs to be the "funny one," so I've gotta get my spirits up and wit back. I don't even like to be with myself when I'm doing poorly, so I'm damn sure nobody else would want to be around me, either.
Anyway, enough of that. I finished reading, The Help today. Holy toledo, what a fantastic book! I also took Cal to see a Dolphin's Tale today. I highly recommend it. Not only as a family movie, but for anyone. The boys are now cleaning up, and winding down for the night. Brian is at work, so I'll be on my own soon enough. Hmmm.... Do I watch "Whitney" or do I kick back and watch Bridesmaids (bought the dvd today). If I watch Bridesmaids, I'll have to throw back a couple of beers. What a loser...possibly drinking 2 nights in a row. I think it'd been a few weeks or so, since I'd last had a beer. I know I don't have a problem, but I'm very aware of how often I drink. With the blood running through my veins, it could get out of hand too quickly. I made a decision at a fairly young age, that I wasn't going to let alcoholism define who I am, like so many I know... Anyhow, I also know a couple of beers, while watching the movie, might lighten my mood...and help me sleep. Yes, spoken like a true alcoholic.
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