I've had some eye opening experiences lately, and I've spent some time thinking about how out of control things have been in my life lately. One thing that I should have control over is my diet and exercise level. I plan on taking back some control, starting today. I had a wonderful smoothie for breakfast, and I swear it's helped to heal my heart, body, and soul. I need to start doing some things for me, and hopefully this is the beginning of putting myself first.
I just spent 4 days in Vegas w/ girlfriends. I'm left feeling completely exhausted. It was certainly a few days of excess. I don't know really what I want to tell you about what happened, but I need to get it out, so I'll try to be vague, while getting it off my chest. Nobody has the "perfect" friendship. Part of being really close to somebody is loving them for everything, the things that bother you and that which makes you different. Long and short of it, one night exposed these differences and underlying issues, and the alcohol, fatigue, and 2 hardheaded people was kind of a recipe for disaster. I wish I could change it, but it happened, and I can't do anything about it now. I was/am crushed... I feel like I was watching our friendship dissolve, and I was ill-equipped to handle it. I'm not much of a cry-er. I've never been the girl that cries at a party, but I couldn't handle the fact that I was losing somebody that is an enormous part of my life. I cried myself to sleep the next 3 nights (I'm sure the alcohol and lack of sleep played a HUGE part in that). While it crushed my soul, she seemed indifferent to what was happening to our friendship. In my worst time, completely bawling, unable to handle any of it in one room, she appeared to be dancing on my grave. Laughing, having a blast, singing, doing shots....never once making an attempt to talk or check on me. One thing I know, is that the rolls had been reversed, I would never, ever do that to her. I don't care what she'd done to me, I could never watch her be in that kind of pain, and not try to help. There in lies, one of those cracks in the friendship that completely broke open. Okay, now I've said more than I planned, but I couldn't talk to anyone down there about it (I would never say anything bad about her to anyone, plus, they are her h.s. friends). I'm not worried she'll read this. I think the people that care about me, read this, and she isn't one of them.
HOLY SHIT...sorry for unloading. So, now, moving forward, I'm going to do everything I can to take care of my body, mind, and spirit. I really have to get myself healthy, in every way. BTW. Thank the good Lord for sleep! While I'm still drained today, I'm a million times better than yesterday. I was so tired yesterday, I turned Brian down for some Afternoon Delight. Now, that tells you just how tired I was :)
I love you guys! Thanks for reading this, and please help to keep me inspired. It means the world to me.
8:30 Smoothie (Soy milk, banana, spinach, frozen blueberries)
1:45 2 small slices of leftover veggie pizza (we need groceries in a bad way)
6:45 Smoothie (Water, tons of spinach, frozen peaches, banana) Alert the presses! Not really hungry today.
9:30 Finally got really hungry. I had a Morningstar Farms "sq
11:30 Took Junior for 1/3 mile walk, then walked another 1 hour 35 mins. Felt good!