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Diariesofafatass.com

Starlight Vocal Band

11/9/2011

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Man alive, was I tired this morning.  After I took the boys to school, I really, really wanted to try to sleep.  I've had some really significant sleeping issues the past 6-7 weeks or so.  It's different than it's ever been.  I've been having some terrible dreams and nightmares.  I've always had some really vivid dreams, but I'd been lucky enough to not have many nightmares.  I've dreamt that Caleb went back to pounding his head on the floor (he hasn't done this in a few years now), and that Social Services came and took him away and accused us of beating him.  Now, this child has never even experienced a spanking.  I've dreampt that I was responsible for 2 really elderly people, and that the woman died, leaving the man behind.  I blamed myself.  I woke up realizing that it was a metaphor for Junior and Sara.  Weird, weird, awful dreams.  There's also the normal bad stuff, but some of them make no sense.  Like Cal getting taken away.  Where in the hell would that come from?  I wake up every night (in the middle) drenched in sweat, and then I am unable to go back to sleep.  Brian gets totally grossed out when he puts his arm around me in the middle of the night, 'cause I'm so sweaty.  Maybe I'm starting menopause?  I don't know, but I know that I'm afraid to fall asleep every night.  Sucks.  Hopefully this gets better soon.
So, this morning was a typical morning, being super tired.  Instead of trying to take that nap, I kept on going.  I mixed a kick ass c.d., and took a longer road trip than necessary to p/u Junior's dog food.  I then went and bought a couple of birthday gifts.  One was for a friend whose bday I missed last month.  I really have been a terrible friend to her the past couple of years.  She's a dear friend, and I haven't made time for her.  I feel terrible.  She tries so hard.  So, I got the gift and a card, and hopefully I put us right again.  She deserves better than me.  Anyway, doing that made me feel good, and I got a gift off to my niece a week early.  I'm nearly always late w/ everything, so I was pretty stoked.  After that, I went to another town, picked up Juniors meds, and then bought $250 worth of groceries.  Yowza!  I also had to to go to another store and p/u Brian a boot dryer.  Crazy busy!
I was doing all of this running around and the weather was freaking horrible.  It was so windy that it was pushing me all over the road.  Shortly after I got home this afternoon, Brian actually got home, too.  They sent them home b/c the winds were too high to work.  It was a nice surprise.  We enjoyed some Starlight Vocal Band.
So, today is definitely better than the past few have been.  I'm so thankful for this.  Hopefully I can get this chemical imbalance shit figured out.  It sucks donkey dick.
Hope you guys are having a great day.  Happy over-the-hump day!

p.s.  I'm in a mixing c.d.'s kinda mood.  Message me if you want one.  I enjoy doing it.

~Jen
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    Jen

    Age 47
    Married 24 years
    2 boys, 18 & 15
    email: diariesofafatass@gmail.com


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