Baseball is done for the week, and now the boys and I are home (Brian is working). Ryne and Cal are playing the X-Box while I think of incredibly inventive ideas of procrastinating from my book and new project (my editor would like me to contribute some content to her book-I know-super cool, right?) I've been home four hours already and the only thing I'm managed to do is make dinner (super fancy-sandwiches), watch Pop-Up Video, play on my phone and think about all of the work I need to do. I'm just so burned out, that even the work I usually enjoy doing, seems overwhelming. So, here, I am, finding another reason not to work....I mean, surely the tens of people ;) that read this site are dying for an entry, right? LOL...and I do mean, LOL.
I have to confess, after only one paragraph, I had to look at Facebook. I'm even boring myself today! This morning there was a Biggest Loser 5k in Rockford. I wanted to go so bad, but I didn't have anyone to go with. I really missed being home this week. I thought about the walk and asked my friends, but none could go. If this were in Vancouver, we'd have a whole fucking team, with t-shirts on. No shit. What a difference 2200 miles makes. I've missed my friends terribly this week. I really have. I really contemplated going to the walk myself, but I thought that would only make myself feel worse...walking by myself with everyone else paired off or on teams. I really wish Brian wouldn't have had to work, I know I could've talked him into it. He wouldn't have wanted to, but even at our advanced age, the promise of a BJ would probably work.
It's so weird that I don't have the drive or creativity flowing through me today to work on the book or new project. I've thought about both of them a ton this week. It's really hard to do a job all day, when your passions are pulling you elsewhere. Anyway, I live in cubicle land. I moved cubes a few weeks ago, when there was a new hire for another dept., and they needed her to be closer to them. I'm still with my coworkers, but on the end, and on the other side of me in cubicle land is engineering and drafting. Not a woman in site. The guys are all great, though. I really like almost everyone I work with, and the people I don't positively love, still aren't all that bad. The guys like to make fun of me, when I cuss under my breath or talk to myself (which I do way too often-always forgetting there's only this thin barrier between us). A couple of the guys struck up a convo with me the other day. We were all sitting in our seats working away, while we talked for a few minutes. We weren't especially loud or anything. But my boss, comes flying down my row and give me the safe sign (like an ump gives in baseball). My coworker Jim actually emailed me a pic of a safe sign (but this great 'ol site...isn't working right, so I can' t upload it). She then tells me, we need to quit talking, and that Mike needs to be focused (Mike is a sixty year old man on the other side of my cube). Yeah, I got shushed by my boss. I guess there's a first time for everything. I think you probably know this about me.....but in my head, that didn't go over very well. It pisses me off just thinking about it. My boss's nickname is "Satan," but I thankfully, don't have to see that side of her often. Oh Lord, have I heard stories though. But getting shushed, made me really think about the book a lot more. I've got to get that thing done. There has to be a more satisfying way to make a living. Really, there just does.
Wed. was mine and Brian's twenty year wedding anniversary. Crazy, huh? We've been together for twenty three years now. Caleb had a baseball game that night, but thankfully Brian didn't have to work, so we were able to see it together. Afterward, the three of us grabbed an 8:00 dinner in town. (I'm not trendy enough to eat that late). Brian and I will celebrate next weekend, when he doesn't have to work. I'm not sure what that'll be, but I hope we step it up and do something great.
Last night, my friend Jackie came over to have dinner and watch a movie. We never made it to the movie, though. We watched like four Naked and Afraid episodes. I'm totally addicted. I always thought the show must be a joke, until coworker Jim (whom I positively adore) told me about his g/f being obsessed with it. I adore her, too, so I had to check it out. I think that show's the only t.v. I've watched in the past month or so. While Jackie was over, my therapist text me to check on me, saying she knew how hard the session the night before had been (yes, apparently therapists text now. Actually, it's an easy way to make appointments). But nothing makes you feel like you're fucked up then receiving a text from your therapist. Haha! But actually, it had been hard. It was the first session, since the funeral. I'd been sitting on a lot of emotion, and it all came out. The great thing about the text, was I then realized why I was so fucking tired. I couldn't figure it out before. My brain really is fried sometimes. haha. But I'm thankful for this therapist. She's really good. She even called me out on something I only recently realized I was doing. She's good people that one. Back to Jackie, it was a fun night. I haven't been doing many social things, so it felt good to hang out. She's a great friend, and she has been a tremendous help with the boys, with us living out here.
I know I've talked about everything, but nothing really, so I'll let you go. I hope tomorrow brings you a wonderful day for of laughter and love. Happy Saturday night, Sunday Eve.
Love,
Jen
I have to confess, after only one paragraph, I had to look at Facebook. I'm even boring myself today! This morning there was a Biggest Loser 5k in Rockford. I wanted to go so bad, but I didn't have anyone to go with. I really missed being home this week. I thought about the walk and asked my friends, but none could go. If this were in Vancouver, we'd have a whole fucking team, with t-shirts on. No shit. What a difference 2200 miles makes. I've missed my friends terribly this week. I really have. I really contemplated going to the walk myself, but I thought that would only make myself feel worse...walking by myself with everyone else paired off or on teams. I really wish Brian wouldn't have had to work, I know I could've talked him into it. He wouldn't have wanted to, but even at our advanced age, the promise of a BJ would probably work.
It's so weird that I don't have the drive or creativity flowing through me today to work on the book or new project. I've thought about both of them a ton this week. It's really hard to do a job all day, when your passions are pulling you elsewhere. Anyway, I live in cubicle land. I moved cubes a few weeks ago, when there was a new hire for another dept., and they needed her to be closer to them. I'm still with my coworkers, but on the end, and on the other side of me in cubicle land is engineering and drafting. Not a woman in site. The guys are all great, though. I really like almost everyone I work with, and the people I don't positively love, still aren't all that bad. The guys like to make fun of me, when I cuss under my breath or talk to myself (which I do way too often-always forgetting there's only this thin barrier between us). A couple of the guys struck up a convo with me the other day. We were all sitting in our seats working away, while we talked for a few minutes. We weren't especially loud or anything. But my boss, comes flying down my row and give me the safe sign (like an ump gives in baseball). My coworker Jim actually emailed me a pic of a safe sign (but this great 'ol site...isn't working right, so I can' t upload it). She then tells me, we need to quit talking, and that Mike needs to be focused (Mike is a sixty year old man on the other side of my cube). Yeah, I got shushed by my boss. I guess there's a first time for everything. I think you probably know this about me.....but in my head, that didn't go over very well. It pisses me off just thinking about it. My boss's nickname is "Satan," but I thankfully, don't have to see that side of her often. Oh Lord, have I heard stories though. But getting shushed, made me really think about the book a lot more. I've got to get that thing done. There has to be a more satisfying way to make a living. Really, there just does.
Wed. was mine and Brian's twenty year wedding anniversary. Crazy, huh? We've been together for twenty three years now. Caleb had a baseball game that night, but thankfully Brian didn't have to work, so we were able to see it together. Afterward, the three of us grabbed an 8:00 dinner in town. (I'm not trendy enough to eat that late). Brian and I will celebrate next weekend, when he doesn't have to work. I'm not sure what that'll be, but I hope we step it up and do something great.
Last night, my friend Jackie came over to have dinner and watch a movie. We never made it to the movie, though. We watched like four Naked and Afraid episodes. I'm totally addicted. I always thought the show must be a joke, until coworker Jim (whom I positively adore) told me about his g/f being obsessed with it. I adore her, too, so I had to check it out. I think that show's the only t.v. I've watched in the past month or so. While Jackie was over, my therapist text me to check on me, saying she knew how hard the session the night before had been (yes, apparently therapists text now. Actually, it's an easy way to make appointments). But nothing makes you feel like you're fucked up then receiving a text from your therapist. Haha! But actually, it had been hard. It was the first session, since the funeral. I'd been sitting on a lot of emotion, and it all came out. The great thing about the text, was I then realized why I was so fucking tired. I couldn't figure it out before. My brain really is fried sometimes. haha. But I'm thankful for this therapist. She's really good. She even called me out on something I only recently realized I was doing. She's good people that one. Back to Jackie, it was a fun night. I haven't been doing many social things, so it felt good to hang out. She's a great friend, and she has been a tremendous help with the boys, with us living out here.
I know I've talked about everything, but nothing really, so I'll let you go. I hope tomorrow brings you a wonderful day for of laughter and love. Happy Saturday night, Sunday Eve.
Love,
Jen
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