Sober

I've really been struggling over whether I should be putting my thoughts down like this.  It's really hard to expose yourself to others like this.  But I do know that some of you can relate, so I'll keep on trucking, as long as I don't think it's harming me in any way.
Right now I'm mixing a c.d. to get me motivated to do some cleaning.  A friend of mine, from Vancouver, is coming to visit today for a few days.  I'm really excited to see her and feel blessed that she wants to spend time w/ me.  After Vegas, I have to admit I'm a little nervous about spending time like that w/ someone, though.  I wonder if I'm so damaged that it's not possible for me to have good friendships (I don't mean because of Vegas, I mean overall.  It's a weird feeling.  I guess I'll be finding out over the next few days :)
I had to take a little road trip today (Dr's appt), as nothing is close.  I was listening to a mix c.d., when Sober came on.  I've always really loved this song, but I don't think I really got it until now.  The song is only about your relationship w/ yourself and the struggles w/ depression.  I don't think it's truly about alcoholism.  Really, she just wants to feel good all the time, but she doesn't know how.  I've heard Pink say, that Xanax has been her life saver.  I tell you what...if I could go through life on 2 beers or 1/2 a Xanax, I know everything would be so much easier.  I like myself a lot better then, and I'm sure that's how people around me like me, too.  I'm not work, then.  I'm fun to be around and easy going.  I like me like that.  I've really got to find my way to even myself out (w/out being on 2 beers or Xanax).  I'm in there somewhere.  I know it.  I've experienced glimpses of it lately.  In church on Sunday, I felt almost my "normal."  It felt so damn good.  I'll get there again soon....I can feel it.  Anyhoo, here's the lyrics to Sober.  Great song, by one of my fave singers.  And really, I couldn't find a song that better expresses how I've been feeling lately.

Sober Lyrics

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Aahh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?

Aahh, the night is calling
And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
Aahh, I am falling
And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

Comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry
Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

How do I feel this good sober?

<a href="http://www.elyricsworld.com/sober_lyrics_pink.html">Sober lyrics by Pink</a>