I love this quote. I was so busy for so long that all I ever wanted was to have time alone. Funny thing happened, when I finally did have time to myself: it drove me crazy. I remember after years of craziness between work, kids, Autism, appointments, dogs, etc, there came a day when I had an afternoon all to my lonesome. I was so excited! I remember being in the house smiling at the thought of actually having it to myself, before the nervousness began. I started cleaning. I turned up the music. I did things that before life became insane, that I used to actually enjoy. But this time, I just remember this overwhelming sense of loneliness. I couldn't handle life without commotion. I found myself in the same boat each time I was alone for quite some time. It wasn't until we moved to IL, that I learned to actually be by myself, but it took quite a big of time...and eventually medication. I went from having a full time job and having the kids and 2 energetic dogs in every other moment, for 8 months straight when Brian was working in IL, to kids in school, only 1 dog who had lost a lot of his mobility and lust for life, and no job after being the same place for 10 1/2 years. Oh man, that was hard. I remember being overwhelmed to the point of not leaving my bed, and a sadness came over me like I'd never known. I was so used to having friends over all the time. Every Wed., I would think it's: Wine Wed! and become even sadder. A friend and I would get the boys together every Wed. for play time (her 2 boys were on the spectrum, and the kids all got along so well) and pizza, but we really began to look forward to our girl talk and wine. I still miss that. I haven't had anything like it since. Anyway, learning to be alone was not an easy thing for me, but somewhere along the way I began to embrace it. I was still a social person, which became evident when I went back to work, but even when I wasn't working, I learned to like my time with myself (for the most part). As I sit here, typing this, with Kathie Lee and Hoda about to come on in the background, I enjoy being by myself. In saying this, do I need to get the fuck out of the house and get a job? Yes. Not only for financial reasons, but for the fact, that I'll let my like of being along, control my thinking and stop me from doing things. It's already happening. But I do know, that a job is eminent, and when I see the picture above, I know that when it happens and I do find my rare moments alone, I'll be able to enjoy them. Wow. All that from a picture, huh? It's clear, that I am going crazy. ;)
The job hunt does continue. It's really limiting as we are in a rural area, and I'm unwilling to commute to far. I don't want to be too far away from the kids, in case something happens or they are off school. We've been through that, and it's way too stressful.
It's now 2 days since my breakdown. I'm so grateful that I can look back, and view it as what it was, a really terrible day. In the past few years, this could've turned into something that lasted for, well months. I'm glad to be in a place where I apparently have some control. Thank God. Really, thank God. I know I'm not 100% in control of my emotions all the time, but I've come a long way. Yay me... And this is a first, I'm saying this a day or two away from my mother fucking period. If you know me, that's progress ;)
I'll leave you with the lyrics to Girls Chase Boys. I always think of my friend H.P. when I hear it. It just seems like a song she'd like, and the singer, Ingrid Michaelson reminds me of her. I've been poor about being in touch with people lately, but I passed this along to H.P. yesterday, and she'd never heard of it. She checked the video and said she was flattered and really liked the song. I'd never seen the video, and was shocked at what I saw. Holy tits Batman! Haha. The video was definitely not what I would've expected from her, having seen her perform it on talk shows. It's pretty funny. A woman's take on Simply Irresistible. If you want a chuckle, check it out. So, it wouldn't let me add the lyrics. This thing is funny sometimes, but I figured out how to add a video. Watch out! I think I've created a monster. Enjoy
Have a wonderful day,
Jen
The job hunt does continue. It's really limiting as we are in a rural area, and I'm unwilling to commute to far. I don't want to be too far away from the kids, in case something happens or they are off school. We've been through that, and it's way too stressful.
It's now 2 days since my breakdown. I'm so grateful that I can look back, and view it as what it was, a really terrible day. In the past few years, this could've turned into something that lasted for, well months. I'm glad to be in a place where I apparently have some control. Thank God. Really, thank God. I know I'm not 100% in control of my emotions all the time, but I've come a long way. Yay me... And this is a first, I'm saying this a day or two away from my mother fucking period. If you know me, that's progress ;)
I'll leave you with the lyrics to Girls Chase Boys. I always think of my friend H.P. when I hear it. It just seems like a song she'd like, and the singer, Ingrid Michaelson reminds me of her. I've been poor about being in touch with people lately, but I passed this along to H.P. yesterday, and she'd never heard of it. She checked the video and said she was flattered and really liked the song. I'd never seen the video, and was shocked at what I saw. Holy tits Batman! Haha. The video was definitely not what I would've expected from her, having seen her perform it on talk shows. It's pretty funny. A woman's take on Simply Irresistible. If you want a chuckle, check it out. So, it wouldn't let me add the lyrics. This thing is funny sometimes, but I figured out how to add a video. Watch out! I think I've created a monster. Enjoy
Have a wonderful day,
Jen
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