You’ve never seen such determination out of someone and so much want of
life. He’s worked so very hard. His goal has been to get rid of the wheelchair entirely by the 1 year anniversary, and I have great faith he’s done it. I also had a message on Facebook from a co-worker/friend wishing me a Merry Christmas. This woman lost her daughter to suicide over a year ago. She’s now raising her grandson. She took the time to wish me a good Christmas. I can’t imagine how hard of a day that must be for her on so many levels, yet she’s reaching out to those she cares about. I have a lot to learn from the people mentioned above. I know that I’ve mentioned a note that I keep in my desk from a dear friend. When I’m feeling really down or lonely, or that I’m not a good friend, I pull out that note. I will keep this note near me, always. I know
when she wrote this note, she’d have no idea how much it would mean to me. But it just goes to show the power we have in other people’s lives. Dropping a card or a note to someone, can change their day, even years after you’ve forgotten you’ve done it. I know I’m on some big ‘ol soap box, but I just really feel that reaching out to those we care about is almost a lost art form. We are all busy. But we should never be so busy that we forget what life is all about. Oh, and I’ll tell Misty I put this on here. She won’t mind, I’m sure of that.
So, Christmas Eve really was one of my all-time favorite days. The boys and I had a great day, and then when Brian got home it got infinitely better. We listened to Christmas music, and Brian even helped wrap presents. I think that’s a first. I felt so connected to him all day. There really was so much love in the house. There always is, but you know what I mean. There are certain days, when you just take a step back and really appreciate what you have. We ended the day by watching The Santa Claus with the boys. I love that Caleb still believes in Santa. He believe so much, that he thinks every movie/book is the true story of Santa, so we have to keep trying to explain why it’s this way in one movie and not in another, or how this one might just be a made up story, but he never likes that answer.
The boys had an absolute blast on Christmas morning. Cal still hasn’t been feeling well, but he was able to power through the morning and really enjoy the activities. After all of the gifts were opened, as always, I got this stupid holiday
letdown I always get. Ugh! It’s so frustrating! I worked hard on fighting it off.
It’s so fucking stupid. The texts and notes really helped me keep everything in perspective. Watching the boys play, also really helped. I have a terrible habit of thinking of the things in my life that I don’t have (not material related, usually) on holidays. I think about relationships that aren’t there, or never were (like with my biological father) and wonder what he and his family are doing, etc. It’s really terrible for me to waste any time thinking of someone who walked away from a baby. It never ceases to piss me off. But anyway, it’s things like that. I worked hard all day to try and enjoy the moments, though.
Just chilling with Brian and listening to Christmas music really was a lifesaver.
Today is my sister Brooke’s birthday. Brooke’s my youngest sister, and she’s an exceptional person. She’s an incredibly hard worker, amazing mother, and has a heart made of gold. I’m so proud to be her sister! Tomorrow Cal turns 9, too. Wow…. How is it possible that my baby is 9? I can’t wrap my brain around it. Cal’s typically not very affectionate, but he’s been sick, so he’s been sleeping with me, and laying on me a lot. Hell, I’ll take it! I love any moment that kid needs his mama :)
Okay, the weight issue. It’s been on my mind a lot lately. Really, it’s been consuming me. I’m working through it. I have to. It’s seriously keeping me up in the middle of the night. I know I need to really become serious about becoming healthy. I feel blessed beyond measure, but somehow I still keep on killing myself by food. Oh yes, I even had salami on Christmas Eve and Christmas. FUCKING RED MEAT!!!! What a tool! Thank God, it made me feel like shit. I’m going to pretend that slip never happened.
Alright, I’m done being all preachy today. I hope this day finds you all doing very, very well. May your heart be filled with content.
"Shower The People"
You can play the game and you can act out the part,
even though you
know it wasn't written for you.
Tell me, how can you stand there with your
broken heart ashamed of playing the fool?
One thing can lead to another; it
doesn't take any sacrifice.
Oh, father and mother, sister and brother, if it
feels nice, don't think twice,
just shower the people you love with love,
show them the way that you feel.
Things are gonna work out fine if you only
will do as I say, just
shower the people you love with love, show them the
way you feel.
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.
can run but you cannot hide, this is widely known.
Tell me, what you plan to
do with your foolish pride when you're all by yourself, alone.
Once you tell
somebody the way that you feel, you can feel it beginning to ease.
it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel always getting the grease.
Better to shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you
Things are gonna be just fine if you only will what I'd like to do to
Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.
people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
better right away.
Don't take much to do, sell you pride.
They say in
every life, they say the rain must fall, just like pouring rain, make it
Make it rain, love, love, love is sunshine, oh yes,
Make it rain,
love, love, love is sunshine. Everybody, everybody.