Hush, hush…keep it down now voices carry….(‘Til Tuesday). Okay, that was a lame attempt at a Tuesday tie-in, but I tried. Monday actually did get better for me. I kept myself super busy. After work, I got Ryne off to practice, Cal fed, and then Brian got home. I was able to then squeeze in a 50 minute walk (as Cal chose Brian to take him to swim practice) before I had to p/u Ryno from football. I then fed Ryne, and got to work on making SW Bean soup (so easy…see recipe…just added onion this time), and made a pitcher of green juice. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but juicing is such a pain in the ass. It was much better during that brief time when I would drink while doing it. But the end results are so worth it. I had a nice big glass this morning for my morning snack. I then cleaned
and cleaned and cleaned. I finally sat down to watch some of the football game, but by then it was already 9:45 and the game was out of hand. It was a
nice, full night. I’m hoping to keep my lazy, fat ass just as busy tonight. I’m still really proud of the way I’ve been eating. Although today, I was freaking starving and allowed myself an egg white sandwich from Subway. I could’ve done a healthier version, but it did the trick for today. Just need to stay away from that kind of crap again for at least another week.
I’m not sure why, but my sleep is still super restless. I’m awake quite a
bit during the night, and then I’ve just been having the awful, really vivid
dreams. Mostly surrounding not being in control, or there’s the one that I keep having of me pulling out into the hwy, to realize that I just pulled out in front of a semi, having never seen it (but I do make it across before he hits me). Too weird. Maybe it’s the hormones. Who the hell knows. Hopefully it’s just a phase. Oh, and I keep having dreams about getting dogs, including last night. In the dream, we got a bigger dog, but then someone needed a home for a Chihuahua, and I got him for Caleb. So, maybe I’m getting closer to getting another dog. Still, it’s overwhelming to think about right now. Even Brian is still having a hard time about Junior. He got really choked up over a commercial the other day, where it showed
the dog aging.
Tomorrow morning I have Cal’s I.E.P. for this new school district. They really seem to be on top of things. I’ve gotten calls from just about everyone involved. I even rec’d a call from his art teacher, who has some concerns and is
concerned about how Cal will take the“letter grade” system, when he doesn’t do
so well. Cal typically does really well in school. Boy, does he get pissed if he doesn’t do well. Of course, he always blames it on someone/something else.
Anyway, this will be kind of a heavy I.E.P. There are more ppl involved than most. I will be outnumbered 8-1, at least. Also, Brian and I had to take a test stating wher we thought his levels on autism related things. I hate that sort of
thing. They are too general. Anyway, I scored Cal “mild” while Brian scored him "moderate." It's funny how we were off on certain things.
When I look at Cal, I’m so thankful he’s doing as well as he is. Although, I still mourn for the
challenges he will always have. I
think Brian looks at Cal, as a kid with a lot of special needs, and it’s hard
for him to see him otherwise.
Brian was expecting two athletic boys, and in his own way, is still
dealing with a lot of it. As am I
guess…. Anyway, I hated that
test. Of course, in no way, does
that mean Brian loves Cal any less than Ryne. He’s a fantastic dad to both of
them. Brian also totally loves
Cal’s sense of humor.
So, a good friend of mine went skydiving
the other day. Oh man….
It’s funny, how afraid of flying I was for so long.
Now, jumping out of a plane is on my bucket list.
WTF happened to me when I turned 40? Anyway, she loved it.
It has me thinking about it more and
more.
This morning, I was lying there, unable o get back to sleep after Brian got up.
And for the first time in a long time, I started thinking about when I
started to gain weight. I’ll never
forget, I think I was 21, and I was lying in bed and realized I had gotten the
start of a belly. I’d never had
one before. It was a shock to
me. The whole thing is so funny,
because growing up I always thought I was so fat.
When in reality I didn’t even know what it was.
I mean, I was actually surprised
by the bump on my stomach. I
remember immediately going to Jenny Craig, and they gave you these supplements
to take. They made me puke my guts
out. So, that was the end of
that. And here I am, on a much
larger scale, still battling those same demons. But right now, I feel great about how
I’m doing. I’m in a positive
place. I’m even starting to
address in my head, the reasons I let myself do this to my body.
And let me tell you, that’s not an easy thing.
It turns out: I’m not perfect.
Lmao.
Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastic
day.
Jen
Food:
6:30
Smoothie (water, flax seed,
spinach, banana, pineapple)
7:45
Hot Green Tea
9:30
Big glass of green juice (see
recipe)
11:30 Foot long egg white sandwich on
flatbread w/ pepper jack….spinach, black olives, and tomatoes, and an iced tea
(always unsweetened)
6:30 Glass of green juice
6:45 Small handful of raw almonds
8:15 100 cals hummus w/ raw baby carrots
Exercise:
1 1/2 hours walking
Voices Carry by ‘Til
Tuesday
I'm
in the dark, I'd like to read his mind
But I'm frightened of the things I
might find
Oh, there must be something he's thinking of
To tear him
away
When I tell him that I'm falling in love
Why does he say
Hush,
hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices
carry
I try so hard not to get upset
Because I know all the trouble
I'll get
Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide
And something to
fear
And I try so hard to keep it inside
So no one can hear
Hush,
hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices
carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Oh, he wants me, but
only part of the time
He wants me if he can keep me in line
Hush,
hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices
carry
Oh, hush, hush, shut up now, voices carry
Oh, hush, hush, keep it
down now, voices carry
Oh, hush hush, darling, she might overhear
Oh no,
voices carry
He said shut up
He said shut up
Oh God, can't you keep
it down, voices carry
Oh, voices carry
I wish he would let me talk
and cleaned and cleaned. I finally sat down to watch some of the football game, but by then it was already 9:45 and the game was out of hand. It was a
nice, full night. I’m hoping to keep my lazy, fat ass just as busy tonight. I’m still really proud of the way I’ve been eating. Although today, I was freaking starving and allowed myself an egg white sandwich from Subway. I could’ve done a healthier version, but it did the trick for today. Just need to stay away from that kind of crap again for at least another week.
I’m not sure why, but my sleep is still super restless. I’m awake quite a
bit during the night, and then I’ve just been having the awful, really vivid
dreams. Mostly surrounding not being in control, or there’s the one that I keep having of me pulling out into the hwy, to realize that I just pulled out in front of a semi, having never seen it (but I do make it across before he hits me). Too weird. Maybe it’s the hormones. Who the hell knows. Hopefully it’s just a phase. Oh, and I keep having dreams about getting dogs, including last night. In the dream, we got a bigger dog, but then someone needed a home for a Chihuahua, and I got him for Caleb. So, maybe I’m getting closer to getting another dog. Still, it’s overwhelming to think about right now. Even Brian is still having a hard time about Junior. He got really choked up over a commercial the other day, where it showed
the dog aging.
Tomorrow morning I have Cal’s I.E.P. for this new school district. They really seem to be on top of things. I’ve gotten calls from just about everyone involved. I even rec’d a call from his art teacher, who has some concerns and is
concerned about how Cal will take the“letter grade” system, when he doesn’t do
so well. Cal typically does really well in school. Boy, does he get pissed if he doesn’t do well. Of course, he always blames it on someone/something else.
Anyway, this will be kind of a heavy I.E.P. There are more ppl involved than most. I will be outnumbered 8-1, at least. Also, Brian and I had to take a test stating wher we thought his levels on autism related things. I hate that sort of
thing. They are too general. Anyway, I scored Cal “mild” while Brian scored him "moderate." It's funny how we were off on certain things.
When I look at Cal, I’m so thankful he’s doing as well as he is. Although, I still mourn for the
challenges he will always have. I
think Brian looks at Cal, as a kid with a lot of special needs, and it’s hard
for him to see him otherwise.
Brian was expecting two athletic boys, and in his own way, is still
dealing with a lot of it. As am I
guess…. Anyway, I hated that
test. Of course, in no way, does
that mean Brian loves Cal any less than Ryne. He’s a fantastic dad to both of
them. Brian also totally loves
Cal’s sense of humor.
So, a good friend of mine went skydiving
the other day. Oh man….
It’s funny, how afraid of flying I was for so long.
Now, jumping out of a plane is on my bucket list.
WTF happened to me when I turned 40? Anyway, she loved it.
It has me thinking about it more and
more.
This morning, I was lying there, unable o get back to sleep after Brian got up.
And for the first time in a long time, I started thinking about when I
started to gain weight. I’ll never
forget, I think I was 21, and I was lying in bed and realized I had gotten the
start of a belly. I’d never had
one before. It was a shock to
me. The whole thing is so funny,
because growing up I always thought I was so fat.
When in reality I didn’t even know what it was.
I mean, I was actually surprised
by the bump on my stomach. I
remember immediately going to Jenny Craig, and they gave you these supplements
to take. They made me puke my guts
out. So, that was the end of
that. And here I am, on a much
larger scale, still battling those same demons. But right now, I feel great about how
I’m doing. I’m in a positive
place. I’m even starting to
address in my head, the reasons I let myself do this to my body.
And let me tell you, that’s not an easy thing.
It turns out: I’m not perfect.
Lmao.
Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastic
day.
Jen
Food:
6:30
Smoothie (water, flax seed,
spinach, banana, pineapple)
7:45
Hot Green Tea
9:30
Big glass of green juice (see
recipe)
11:30 Foot long egg white sandwich on
flatbread w/ pepper jack….spinach, black olives, and tomatoes, and an iced tea
(always unsweetened)
6:30 Glass of green juice
6:45 Small handful of raw almonds
8:15 100 cals hummus w/ raw baby carrots
Exercise:
1 1/2 hours walking
Voices Carry by ‘Til
Tuesday
I'm
in the dark, I'd like to read his mind
But I'm frightened of the things I
might find
Oh, there must be something he's thinking of
To tear him
away
When I tell him that I'm falling in love
Why does he say
Hush,
hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices
carry
I try so hard not to get upset
Because I know all the trouble
I'll get
Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide
And something to
fear
And I try so hard to keep it inside
So no one can hear
Hush,
hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices
carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Oh, he wants me, but
only part of the time
He wants me if he can keep me in line
Hush,
hush, keep it down now, voices carry
Hush, hush, keep it down now, voices
carry
Oh, hush, hush, shut up now, voices carry
Oh, hush, hush, keep it
down now, voices carry
Oh, hush hush, darling, she might overhear
Oh no,
voices carry
He said shut up
He said shut up
Oh God, can't you keep
it down, voices carry
Oh, voices carry
I wish he would let me talk
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