The stress of all of this has really been crazy, hard. At times I get so stressed my stomach hurts and other times I feel like I'm going to puke. With all that's going on, I've made some good decisions and some poor decisions. I'll say that I've definitely made more smart choices in the past week, though. Yesterday I ran into the grocery store to pick up some crackers for Ryne to keep at school. This was just after the scan and learning of the gastritis. Right in the front of the store was this huge table of day old cakes, cookies, and cupcakes. OMG....how did I want some... I picked through them, and then talked myself out of it. I ran and got the crackers only to find myself back at that table. I had a package of cupcakes in my hand, thinking if I only have one, that won't be so bad. But I knew with my stress level, and food addiction, there was no way I was only eating one.... So, I put it back. Yes, I made a conscious choice about what I was and wasn't going to eat. That's what I've been doing the past 3 weeks. That thought process has been missing a very, very long time. I have a long way to go in order to undo what I've done to myself mentally and physically. So, along those lines....I had a weigh in on Monday. I gained 12 oz. Yes, I GAINED weight. I did all of that walking, and I still gained weight. I'm sure being on my period wasn't a huge help, but really it came down to Saturday night. My very close friend Misty came to town to visit me (it was so very nice to see her)!. We went out to dinner (after we'd had 3 microbrews), and along with beers I had a veggie burger w/ cheese and fries w/ ranch... We were definitely feeling no pain by the time we left that bar. Brian was our on-call designated driver, and we then went what ended up being 2 more places. We drank beers, one shot, and a mixed drink. We drank an absurd amount... I can't even imagine all of the calories that went into my body. Then, to top it all off, there was the midnight food run on the way home. I don't even want to tell you what I ate. It's purely shameful.... That's not all that went into my gain for the week. On Sunday, I was pretty much dead. I hardly moved all day. I think I only got 1500 steps in for the day. So, pretty much nothing. If I would've gotten my steps in, I could have at least avoided the gain, but I didn't.
There have been many, many, many times in my life where a weigh in like that would destroy me. But I own that one. And you know what's weird? I think I'm only 7 lbs down, but I feel like it's so much more. I feel good (aside from the stress). I mean it. I really feel good. So, I'm hoping for a better week this time around. I've made some soups and tomorrow will make some juice. I've been good about having my smoothies every morning (except Sun...), too. So, I'll continue to fight the good fight...for myself. That's how I feel: like I'm fighting to be myself again. Thanks so much for being here with me. I look at the numbers sometimes, and I'm just blown away. Very cool.