First off, I just watched that damn video again. I can't tell you how many times the image of my belly fat goes through my mind a day. Disgusting....
Anyhow, my Lasik surgery was scheduled for Friday. Thursday was a rough day for me. I had so many emotions going through my head about the whole thing. It was scary on one level, since most of my life I've required something to help me see, and it's a nervous feeling to have the familiar go away. I had feelings of not being worthy of having a surgery like this. It was just a feeling I couldn't shake all day. It felt as if I didn't deserve to have something like this in my life. And then of course, there's the tremendous cost associated with it. Even though I'd planned it out via FSA, it's still a very large amount of money that was going solely toward me. These feelings really didn't shake until I had to take the pre-op vallum. I wasn't happy about having to take one. I've never even taken the gas with dental work. Too much of a control freak. But, although it didn't seem the vallum did very much more than make my tummy upset, it did take the edge off just enough. The actual surgery was more painful than I had anticipated. Well, actually I guess I hadn't thought of any pain at all. They use these suction things on your eyeballs at the beginning, and boy oh boy, that was not fun! The whole procedure only takes about 15 mins., though. I was really disappointed that Brian didn't want to go back there with me. He said it would gross him out. In that moment, I was very sad. It would've been nice to have his support. He was crappy with the support end of things with my knee surgery, too. I guess he's just so used to me being the one in charge or the strong one with everything, he doesn't know how to be that for me. In that moment, I thought of what a friend had told me about a "2nd husband (not really another one, but an emotional one," and I thought she might be on to something here. I could've used one in that moment. Anyway, the surgery was in the morning, so I was really glad to have it out of the way. It ended up being a very long day, though. There was a lot of discomfort, and it was near impossible to keep my eyes open. I kept wondering if it was a smart idea to have an "elective" surgery.
Early the next morning, I had a follow up with the eye surgeon. One of my eyes is exceptionally red, but he said it's due to dryness. I now use the artificial tears every hour. It's getting a little bit better, but it still burns a bit. My vision was pretty good yesterday, it just comes in and out a bit, which is normal. I can see far away really well, but I have to come right up on a sign to be able to read it when in a car. For now, the movement effects how I see. Physically and emotionally I was doing a ton better yesterday, though. One of my suppliers had given up tickets to an air show, along with their VIP tent. The boys were all going to go, and I decided to go, too, since I could be under cover. Also, our stupid landlord was showing the house again. So nice that he's trying to sell it while we're under lease. What a fuck. Anyway, I needed to be out of the house for that, anyway. So, we were gone all day. I really over did it. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but it was a good day, except for how wiped I got.
So, here we are to Sunday. I'm back to being totally pooped. I'm sure it's because I over did it yesterday. I have to sleep with a mask over my eyes, and I think it's why I had such terrible nightmares last night. I was watching everything unfold in the nightmare through plastic bars. It was crazy. It didn't allow for much peaceful sleep. After only being up for an hour, I was taking a nap. My eyes are super heavy today. In fact, I think I'll be taking another soon. You're supposed to really take it easy for the first 72 hours anyway. Hopefully I'll have a lot more energy for tomorrow, when I go back to work.
Through all of this, my diet certainly hasn't been as good. I've been really sick to my stomach, and making it feel better with different carbs. I have had smoothies all 3 mornings, though, so I'm not doing absolutely terrible. I had one small Sprite the morning of the surgery, and last night I was dragging so bad, before we headed for home, that I had a small Diet Coke (which tasted like shit). So, in essence I really am still off the soda. Becasue of my diet the past few days, I don't feel like there's going to be much of a loss if any tomorrow, but I'll be okay with that. In the past, I would've used this as an excuse to eat a lot of terrible food. I think I'll be able to start exercising at the end of the week, too. For now, you're not supposed to get sweat into the eyes. Plus, I think the motion would really do a number on my tummy.
Anyway, that's all to report for now. I hope you guys have all enjoyed your weekend. Oh, and I do have fantastic news: my friend Gerry was able to take a couple of steps on Thurs. I will continue to be inspired by him and his work ethic.
~Jen
P.S. I've added a couple of recipes, inc. the green juice that I've been drinking a lot of lately. You'll love yourself for drinking this thing.
Anyhow, my Lasik surgery was scheduled for Friday. Thursday was a rough day for me. I had so many emotions going through my head about the whole thing. It was scary on one level, since most of my life I've required something to help me see, and it's a nervous feeling to have the familiar go away. I had feelings of not being worthy of having a surgery like this. It was just a feeling I couldn't shake all day. It felt as if I didn't deserve to have something like this in my life. And then of course, there's the tremendous cost associated with it. Even though I'd planned it out via FSA, it's still a very large amount of money that was going solely toward me. These feelings really didn't shake until I had to take the pre-op vallum. I wasn't happy about having to take one. I've never even taken the gas with dental work. Too much of a control freak. But, although it didn't seem the vallum did very much more than make my tummy upset, it did take the edge off just enough. The actual surgery was more painful than I had anticipated. Well, actually I guess I hadn't thought of any pain at all. They use these suction things on your eyeballs at the beginning, and boy oh boy, that was not fun! The whole procedure only takes about 15 mins., though. I was really disappointed that Brian didn't want to go back there with me. He said it would gross him out. In that moment, I was very sad. It would've been nice to have his support. He was crappy with the support end of things with my knee surgery, too. I guess he's just so used to me being the one in charge or the strong one with everything, he doesn't know how to be that for me. In that moment, I thought of what a friend had told me about a "2nd husband (not really another one, but an emotional one," and I thought she might be on to something here. I could've used one in that moment. Anyway, the surgery was in the morning, so I was really glad to have it out of the way. It ended up being a very long day, though. There was a lot of discomfort, and it was near impossible to keep my eyes open. I kept wondering if it was a smart idea to have an "elective" surgery.
Early the next morning, I had a follow up with the eye surgeon. One of my eyes is exceptionally red, but he said it's due to dryness. I now use the artificial tears every hour. It's getting a little bit better, but it still burns a bit. My vision was pretty good yesterday, it just comes in and out a bit, which is normal. I can see far away really well, but I have to come right up on a sign to be able to read it when in a car. For now, the movement effects how I see. Physically and emotionally I was doing a ton better yesterday, though. One of my suppliers had given up tickets to an air show, along with their VIP tent. The boys were all going to go, and I decided to go, too, since I could be under cover. Also, our stupid landlord was showing the house again. So nice that he's trying to sell it while we're under lease. What a fuck. Anyway, I needed to be out of the house for that, anyway. So, we were gone all day. I really over did it. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but it was a good day, except for how wiped I got.
So, here we are to Sunday. I'm back to being totally pooped. I'm sure it's because I over did it yesterday. I have to sleep with a mask over my eyes, and I think it's why I had such terrible nightmares last night. I was watching everything unfold in the nightmare through plastic bars. It was crazy. It didn't allow for much peaceful sleep. After only being up for an hour, I was taking a nap. My eyes are super heavy today. In fact, I think I'll be taking another soon. You're supposed to really take it easy for the first 72 hours anyway. Hopefully I'll have a lot more energy for tomorrow, when I go back to work.
Through all of this, my diet certainly hasn't been as good. I've been really sick to my stomach, and making it feel better with different carbs. I have had smoothies all 3 mornings, though, so I'm not doing absolutely terrible. I had one small Sprite the morning of the surgery, and last night I was dragging so bad, before we headed for home, that I had a small Diet Coke (which tasted like shit). So, in essence I really am still off the soda. Becasue of my diet the past few days, I don't feel like there's going to be much of a loss if any tomorrow, but I'll be okay with that. In the past, I would've used this as an excuse to eat a lot of terrible food. I think I'll be able to start exercising at the end of the week, too. For now, you're not supposed to get sweat into the eyes. Plus, I think the motion would really do a number on my tummy.
Anyway, that's all to report for now. I hope you guys have all enjoyed your weekend. Oh, and I do have fantastic news: my friend Gerry was able to take a couple of steps on Thurs. I will continue to be inspired by him and his work ethic.
~Jen
P.S. I've added a couple of recipes, inc. the green juice that I've been drinking a lot of lately. You'll love yourself for drinking this thing.
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