Today I've been thinking a lot about non-scale victories. I hadn't been able to wear my wedding ring in quite some time. I was able to put it on a couple of weeks ago. It was a wonderful feeling. A feeling I sat with, keeping it to myself. It's funny how this weight loss journey has worked. Obviously, I write about it. I put a lot out there, but this journey has been incredibly personal. I have shouted some victories from the roof tops, while most I keep to myself. It's almost as if I've opened a gift, that only I know exists. I love this feeling. I took the boys bowling this weekend. A gal in the lane next to us offered to take a picture. It's been a long time since I've taken a photo with the kids. I don't like pictures of myself....sometimes I can live with a selfie because you can get the angle just right, change the coloring, etc. I actually didn't like myself in the picture. I just saw the weight. It wasn't hidden. I did love the fact that both boys were smiling, and that we were having a great time together. I posted the photo on Facebook. To me...another non-scale victory. It may not make sense to you, but I know there's no way I would've posted that five months ago. I still see the fat...I have a very long way to go, but I'm more comfortable with myself at this moment in time. The scale didn't give that to me. Doing right by myself gave that to me.
Speaking of the scale.....today was weigh-in day. I have to admit: this has been the hardest week I've had since I started this journey. My mind has been doing a number on me. I'm craving just about everything. I don't know that I ate as much as I should've this week. I constantly felt hungry. Maybe I just didn't eat the right things. The cravings certainly could be because of this. At first, I thought it was because my stomach was feeling better than it had (not sure if it's the medication or what), that the hunger was a natural feeling. Anyway, whatever it was/is, it has been tough. I didn't give in to any of my cravings, though. I do know going into this next week, I need to do a better job of meal planning. All that said, I was down nearly two pounds.
Speaking of cravings...I do know this, I will be drinking some beer and have some appetizers during March Madness, and I will be eating a reuben on St. Patrick's Day. I'm far from perfect all the time, but the balance has been my saving grace. Tonight was a good example. An old-coworker came out tonight. I met up with them for a little big. I drank water. I had aqua aerobics later tonight, so I certainly wasn't going to drink. Those guys can put the pressure on. I sure did want to drink. I knew it would be stupid, though. It would defeat the purpose of the class tonight. If I drank beer for an hour, I wouldn't burn those calories during my one hour class. Not worth it. Plus, I knew I was going to be bad the next two days. haha I spent the whole night thinking about the fun I missed out on tonight, until I got in the pool. I felt great about the decision to choose health. I've chosen the unhealthy path so many times. It's high time I made the healthy choice the norm. It was really great to see him, even with water. He was my fitbit buddy. It was so nice to talk steps. I miss seeing him at work and him making his exaggerated motion to check his steps. It was such an awesome, healthy, friendly competition. I've been thinking about the ppl who are no longer with the company lately. I miss having a walking buddy, one friend's laugh-it was just infectious, and trading meals with another co-worker. The list goes on and on. I can get along with just about anyone, but making real connections-true friendships is not the easiest thing for me. It has been hard to lose so many of those (I mean-having it on a daily basis). I don't see work ever being the same. Everything feels so temporary lately. Anyway, I guess the lack of bracket and seeing fitbit buddy brought up those feelings. I should just feel lucky I had it as good as I did for as long as I did.
I heard this song on my drive home from class tonight. I've always loved it. Many of the lyrics don't match the experiences of my closest childhood friends, but the spirit of the song reads true. It made me think of the Wrangell girls. God love K.T. Oslin.
Whatever your goal for tomorrow may be, give it your best. That's all we can do with each day. Reach for your stars. You won't ever be disappointed.
Have a wonderful night,