away last week, I haven’t cried in a while. Driving in this morning, I heard 2 songs back to back, that made me squirt out a couple of tears. Hormones suck. They certainly have never, ever been my friend.
My sleep has still been pretty messed up. As my boss told me, I look like I’ve
been in a bar fight. I’ve got some serious black eyes going. I fell back asleep early this morning, and I didn’t wake up until 6:17, so I didn’t even really look in the mirror after I got out of the shower. I was running. I usually keep some makeup in my backpack, but I must’ve taken it out this weekend. So, I guess I’ll answer to “Rocky” today if need be.
I was really, really wanting to be back in Alaska yesterday. The servicefor Dawn was held yesterday in the Episcopalian church. I wish I could’ve been there for so many people, including myself. It brings me peace knowing we belonged to the same church, and I imagine it was a beautiful service. It’s amazing how the community comes together for support for whatever anyone needs. I miss home. I’ve been feeling so lonely out here lately, that I actually wish we lived up there. I would love to be near family. I’d love for everyone
to have an eye out for my boys. I love that if go downtown, you know nearly everyone. I haven’t lived there since I was 18, and really I haven’t spent a whole lot of time there, since. So, it’s funny at 40, that I find myself longing to be home. I feel so isolated out here. We are just so very far from the people we care about. Ah, Landslide is on. I hate that it get overplayed so much, but it really is a beautiful, honest song. Anyway, I’m so glad we have the family together out here. I’m blessed to have such a good family life. But it doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel lonely. I’ve been feeling that lately. Dawn’s passing I think brought that home.
Even though I was quite exhausted last night, we had a good night. Cal started swim team last night (graduated from intro, and is now officially on the team). He’s over the moon. Brian got home early enough to take Cal, and I made dinner and hung out w/ Ryno. After I was done cleaning up from dinner, I got a couple of packages ready to mail today. It’s always important to mail the Alaska packages as early as possible. There are only 2 planes that land on the island a day. Because its winter, a lot of the times the planes can’t land in Wrangell, so it delays the mail. Sending something via 2 day service can sometimes take 2 weeks to get there. So, hopefully all goes well, and it will actually get there on time. I also had another lower 48 pkg ready, so I figure I’ll get that off as well. I really need to finish off my shopping this weekend, so I can get everything else off on Monday. But anyway, I feel good about what I have done so far. Oh, I picked up the calendars I made yesterday. Have you ever made one? Holy crap, they take a while. Well, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if you were only doing one for your family. I do one for my sisters and
Mom. So, I have to go steal photos off of Facebook, save them to my computer then get them on the Wal-Mart site. Last year I tried to put pics of the entire family on there (and we have a huge family). Those calendars took me FOREVER. At least this year, I already had the birthdays already in there, etc. I just needed to add some dialogue and pictures. Even so, I think it took me about 4 hours to put together. I screwed up a couple of places, though. On the cover it says: 2012….and then on the boys’ birthday, it has their ages they turned last year. I forgot to change those. Last year most of my friends turned 40 (from Wrangell), so I had them on there, and I forgot take those off, so it looks like they’ll be turning 40 again. Haha. I did remember to add Amy’s 40th, though. So, last year’s calendars were definitely better. I also kept all the same pictures that I had on the dates, etc. But my sisters and Mom really seem to like them, so I’m glad I got them done, mistakes and all :) So, I got off
target a bit. I wanted to mention that Brian and I were on the couch last night, and I was lying with my legs over his lap, while we were watching the football game. I had my new fat jeans on. He pulled on the jeans, and he’s like what the hell is this? (They are a stretchy type material). And then he’s like, OMG are you wearing those pajama jeans?! I nearly died laughing. Too funny. But back to football, I won our work pool, again! I’m now at $470 total winnings for the season. This is my mad money. The next time I want to take a trip or something, I will have ZERO guilt. Brian knows this. Every time I win, and my total gets bigger, I remind him, there will be no guilt associated with this money. It’s mine. Remind me of that, when I go to spend it, will you?
Well, I should probably get to work…. BTW, the diet is going really well, esp considering I’m in the heart of PMS. This morning I wanted to eat everything in sight, and damn Pop brought in homemade sugar cookies. His wife bakes for us almost every single day. I told him he needed to start laying the wood on that woman, and keep her out of the kitchen. He assured me he did last night, so I told him he better start earlier and make it last longer. Haha. I love working with guys. But so far I’ve stayed clear of the temptations. I made a bowl of grapes and cut up a banana, and that’s done a good job of filling me up.
Hope you all have a wonderful day.
7:45 Grapes and a banana, unsweetened iced tea
12:30 Footlong Veggie patty on wheat w/ lots of veggies, no cheese. But shortly after...the guys had bought Taco pizza. And I had a f'ing piece....
4:15 dip cone from McDonalds F'ing PMS....f'ing me!
7:30 Small handful of baked Special K crackers w/ red pepper hummus
Took this love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
child within my heart rise above?
And can I sail through the changing ocean
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Oh oh I don't know, oh I don't
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life
But time makes you bolder
Children get older I'm getting older
Yes I'm getting older too, so
I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I, I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
I'm getting older too oh yes
I'm getting older too
take this love, take it down
Oh if you climb a mountain and you turn
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
landslide will bring you down, down
And if you see my reflection in the snow
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down
the landslide will bring you down