It's been a stressful week. Ryne is still having stomach pains, and we still aren't sure what's causing them. The abdominal x-ray report finally came back the other day. It shows Ryne has an enlarged spleen and liver. He has a sort of ultrasound scheduled for next week to look at the area more closely. The Dr. is trying to get it moved up, but for now it's not until Thurs. What b.s.... The kid isn't eating much, and he's unable to do P.E. or play football. But of course, I'm more concerned that it's something serious. Brian has been stressed, too, and he doesn't handle it real well. It adds to the stress. Ryne has been much less dramatic about the whole thing lately, though. That's a huge plus. I guess he doesn't feel like he needs to cry out in pain all the time, when he knows we believe him and are trying to figure it out.
The stress has not helped my diet the past few days. I've had my weaknesses. Brian and I had Mexican one day, and last night I had 1/2 lb of jojo's for dinner. During this time, I've been totally obsessing about desserts, though. I went to get meds for Ryne the other day at Safeway, and I walked right past their dessert section. Oh man... They have the best desserts. I've been obsessing on the Boston Crème pie and chocolate fudge cake. I serious just want to buy a whole one and take a fork to it... I know that's not going to make Ryne better, and it would only make my feel better temporarily... But it's that temporary relief I'm craving. Man, I have such a fucked up relationship with food. If someone were telling me about having the same issue, I'd tell them to indulge just that one time. But I'm so overweight, I really can't. I'm working hard to change my relationship with food. It's been my crutch for years now. I can tell you that it's a huge step forward that I'm even thinking about the consequences of what I put in my body. The problem is, it's almost all I think about. Brian and I are talking about going to the CWU football game tomorrow, but I'm already stressed about the calories from beer (and no...I hadn't considered not having any ;). Also, when we went last week I had nachos. I'm confident I won't eat well....
I've been feeling out of touch with people lately. Normally, this would make me worry that I'm heading toward a bout with depression, but I don't have that fear this time. I think the last couple of weeks, with all that have gone on with Ryne have consumed my thoughts. Just like with food, I'm such an all or nothing person. I don't like this about myself. But I do have a good friend that's coming to visit next weekend. I'm sure she'll pull me out of my shell!
The good news is, since I last wrote I was 13k steps for two days, and then yesterday I hit my 10k steps. I know I had less steps yesterday, but I got a TON done in our room. I set up shelves and got some boxes unpacked and organized. Knock on wood, I think we are finally unpacked. One would think that I would've had this done sooner, but since arriving, we really have been pretty busy. We had planned to go to Vancouver this weekend, but with Ryne not feeling well, we decided against it. We haven't given Cal the definitive no, yet. He's going to be pissed. Because as he said, "I hope Ryne feels better soon (which shocked me)," only to be followed up by, "because I really want to go to Vancouver this weekend." That kid...
I know this is a day late, but Happy Birthday Le Ann. I love you to the moon, girlie!
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! Here's to time with family, friends, and being mindful of your health.
Much Love,
Jen
The stress has not helped my diet the past few days. I've had my weaknesses. Brian and I had Mexican one day, and last night I had 1/2 lb of jojo's for dinner. During this time, I've been totally obsessing about desserts, though. I went to get meds for Ryne the other day at Safeway, and I walked right past their dessert section. Oh man... They have the best desserts. I've been obsessing on the Boston Crème pie and chocolate fudge cake. I serious just want to buy a whole one and take a fork to it... I know that's not going to make Ryne better, and it would only make my feel better temporarily... But it's that temporary relief I'm craving. Man, I have such a fucked up relationship with food. If someone were telling me about having the same issue, I'd tell them to indulge just that one time. But I'm so overweight, I really can't. I'm working hard to change my relationship with food. It's been my crutch for years now. I can tell you that it's a huge step forward that I'm even thinking about the consequences of what I put in my body. The problem is, it's almost all I think about. Brian and I are talking about going to the CWU football game tomorrow, but I'm already stressed about the calories from beer (and no...I hadn't considered not having any ;). Also, when we went last week I had nachos. I'm confident I won't eat well....
I've been feeling out of touch with people lately. Normally, this would make me worry that I'm heading toward a bout with depression, but I don't have that fear this time. I think the last couple of weeks, with all that have gone on with Ryne have consumed my thoughts. Just like with food, I'm such an all or nothing person. I don't like this about myself. But I do have a good friend that's coming to visit next weekend. I'm sure she'll pull me out of my shell!
The good news is, since I last wrote I was 13k steps for two days, and then yesterday I hit my 10k steps. I know I had less steps yesterday, but I got a TON done in our room. I set up shelves and got some boxes unpacked and organized. Knock on wood, I think we are finally unpacked. One would think that I would've had this done sooner, but since arriving, we really have been pretty busy. We had planned to go to Vancouver this weekend, but with Ryne not feeling well, we decided against it. We haven't given Cal the definitive no, yet. He's going to be pissed. Because as he said, "I hope Ryne feels better soon (which shocked me)," only to be followed up by, "because I really want to go to Vancouver this weekend." That kid...
I know this is a day late, but Happy Birthday Le Ann. I love you to the moon, girlie!
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! Here's to time with family, friends, and being mindful of your health.
Much Love,
Jen
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