It's 5:00 on a Friday night, and the only thing I hear is my typing. Perfect Friday night? You bet your sweet ass it is. If it's not obvious by the quiet, I'm not home. I'm at a friend's house waiting for her to get off work. I'd say growth is me not drinking wine, because I know I'd fall asleep before she got here in an hour. My plan was actually to take a nap on her couch while I waited, but I know I probably would never get back up. This week has taken a toll. It has been the kind of week you wouldn't wish on anyone. The kind of week, that has me tired down to my bones. My head has been in overdrive, and as a result, my sleep is way fucked up. But it's Friday, and I'm putting that behind me. I'm just praying this weekend gets me right.
Admitedlly, I ate too much over the Christmas break. I ate too much on Christmas, and then too much during Mom's entire weeklong stay. We know, that normally I beat the holy shit out of myself for something like that, but I've been surprisingly zen about it this time. Who knows, maybe age is finally mellowing that fucked up part of my brain. I guess it just goes alone with everything about my journey this time, being different. Although I ate too much, I didn't go fucking nuts. It wasn't a normal holiday in that regard. I was aware (there's the word I've been overusing lately) of all that I was doing, even when it meant eating a cupcake three nights in a row (we had them made for Cal's birthday). I hadn't eaten regular sugar since I'd started this thing. I was ready to get back on track, and I went right after it. It was funny, by the evening of the first day back of eating clean, I felt tons better. The body is so forgiving. A friend of mine just started watching her weight on Monday, and she said the same thing-she felt better by the end of night one. I always think of my body as fighting me. Gaining weight has always been easy breezy, while losing it has always been exceptionally tough. If you've dieted much, you know all about getting your body "regular" again, which is what happened immediately. I got rid of all of that water weight I put on instantaneously. Okay, you know I would totally go into detail about being regular and all that entails as I do with a couple close friends, but I'm sparing you those details. But....I could talk "regularity" all day... My weigh-in was Wed (two weeks since my last). I knew my body bounced back quickly, and I'm super pumped to say I was down 2.5 pounds from my weigh-in two weeks before. My body got rid of the crap and then some. I can also tell you that 2.5 most likely came out of my boobs (look again...I'm getting so mature, I didn't say tits). I was in front of the mirror the other morning, and was like wtf happened to them? Let me tell you, the addition of boobs, was the only good thing about my weight gain. Do I think I deserve that 2.5 pounds? Yeah, no, but I'll sure as hell take it. There have been weeks I've worked my ass off, to only see ounces come off the scale. I'm certainly not going to turn my back on any weight loss.
Something funny has started to happen lately: I've actually finally started getting happy about the weight loss. I know I have so far to go, and if I think about it much, I'll just get depressed. Over the holiday, I bought a new pair of jeans, and they were the next size down. I'm now one size away from probably starting to feel like a human again. I wore the jeans today, and a coworker said, she couldn't quit staring at my ass. Ha. Too funny. I'm still fat as fuck, but even skinny I have an ass. I'm really not much of a Native. I only wish that was the "in" thing when I was younger and hated it so. I haven't actually thought about my ass in years, so she really cracked me up. I also had plans to wear a baggy sweatshirt (or sweater) this morning (as is my M.O.), but for shits and giggles I put on my Richard Sherman jersey. I bought this jersey a few months after I started my current job (and I gained a ton of weight those first few months of work), so it's a very large size, but I quickly outgrew it. I'd been throwing it on every once in a while after my weight loss started, but it has never been within reach, until this morning...when I put it on and the thing is baggy. I have a big shirt on underneath it. That put a big smile on my face. To have that smile, after this week, felt really good. A couple of coworkers made mention of what I was wearing this morning, and said I looked good (look...I know it's all relative but I was happy to hear it today). It was shortly after the other girl said she couldn't quit staring at my ass, so I told them to watch me walk away. Boom. haha. My 22 y/o friend was asking me today, if I felt like a completely different person. No, not at all. But I do feel more human today. My eyes are on losing the next 3+ pounds, so I get into that next 10 category. I will tell you, that feeling more human is huge for me. Fucking huge.
I'm grateful for the smoothies I have for breakfast. I honestly believe that's the most important part of my day. It fills me up, and I get so many great greens and fruits in one glass. I'm loving the Lara Bars (made of fruits and nuts). I have one for a snack most days. Yogurt dressing is also a new fave. 35-45 cals per 2 TSP. It's not bad. Of course, I'd prefer ranch or Caesar, but I'd also prefer not to eat myself to death. If you buy it, just be dillegent about checking the dates. It doesn't have the shelf life of a normal dressing (a good sign). Often, I make a simple romaine salad (usually just a couple handfuls from a bag) and eat with lunch and or/dinner. Again, it helps to keep me full and "regular." I don't stress too much about what I'm eating with it, as long as I keep the portions small and have that salad. Anyway, I thought I'd pass along a couple of tips that have been helping me. I'd love to hear any of your tips as well.
I should get going. I'm looking forward to sitting in the dark and quiet for 15 minutes. I rarely get that, and it's what I've been needing.
Oh, as I pulled into work this morning, "I Want Your Sex" came on the radio. I soooo love the beg. of that song. I was so pissed I had to get out of my car. Stupid work. Anyway, the lyrics are still brilliant, even in a song like this. God love George Michael. Enjoy.
Happy Weekend and go Seahawks!
~Jen
Admitedlly, I ate too much over the Christmas break. I ate too much on Christmas, and then too much during Mom's entire weeklong stay. We know, that normally I beat the holy shit out of myself for something like that, but I've been surprisingly zen about it this time. Who knows, maybe age is finally mellowing that fucked up part of my brain. I guess it just goes alone with everything about my journey this time, being different. Although I ate too much, I didn't go fucking nuts. It wasn't a normal holiday in that regard. I was aware (there's the word I've been overusing lately) of all that I was doing, even when it meant eating a cupcake three nights in a row (we had them made for Cal's birthday). I hadn't eaten regular sugar since I'd started this thing. I was ready to get back on track, and I went right after it. It was funny, by the evening of the first day back of eating clean, I felt tons better. The body is so forgiving. A friend of mine just started watching her weight on Monday, and she said the same thing-she felt better by the end of night one. I always think of my body as fighting me. Gaining weight has always been easy breezy, while losing it has always been exceptionally tough. If you've dieted much, you know all about getting your body "regular" again, which is what happened immediately. I got rid of all of that water weight I put on instantaneously. Okay, you know I would totally go into detail about being regular and all that entails as I do with a couple close friends, but I'm sparing you those details. But....I could talk "regularity" all day... My weigh-in was Wed (two weeks since my last). I knew my body bounced back quickly, and I'm super pumped to say I was down 2.5 pounds from my weigh-in two weeks before. My body got rid of the crap and then some. I can also tell you that 2.5 most likely came out of my boobs (look again...I'm getting so mature, I didn't say tits). I was in front of the mirror the other morning, and was like wtf happened to them? Let me tell you, the addition of boobs, was the only good thing about my weight gain. Do I think I deserve that 2.5 pounds? Yeah, no, but I'll sure as hell take it. There have been weeks I've worked my ass off, to only see ounces come off the scale. I'm certainly not going to turn my back on any weight loss.
Something funny has started to happen lately: I've actually finally started getting happy about the weight loss. I know I have so far to go, and if I think about it much, I'll just get depressed. Over the holiday, I bought a new pair of jeans, and they were the next size down. I'm now one size away from probably starting to feel like a human again. I wore the jeans today, and a coworker said, she couldn't quit staring at my ass. Ha. Too funny. I'm still fat as fuck, but even skinny I have an ass. I'm really not much of a Native. I only wish that was the "in" thing when I was younger and hated it so. I haven't actually thought about my ass in years, so she really cracked me up. I also had plans to wear a baggy sweatshirt (or sweater) this morning (as is my M.O.), but for shits and giggles I put on my Richard Sherman jersey. I bought this jersey a few months after I started my current job (and I gained a ton of weight those first few months of work), so it's a very large size, but I quickly outgrew it. I'd been throwing it on every once in a while after my weight loss started, but it has never been within reach, until this morning...when I put it on and the thing is baggy. I have a big shirt on underneath it. That put a big smile on my face. To have that smile, after this week, felt really good. A couple of coworkers made mention of what I was wearing this morning, and said I looked good (look...I know it's all relative but I was happy to hear it today). It was shortly after the other girl said she couldn't quit staring at my ass, so I told them to watch me walk away. Boom. haha. My 22 y/o friend was asking me today, if I felt like a completely different person. No, not at all. But I do feel more human today. My eyes are on losing the next 3+ pounds, so I get into that next 10 category. I will tell you, that feeling more human is huge for me. Fucking huge.
I'm grateful for the smoothies I have for breakfast. I honestly believe that's the most important part of my day. It fills me up, and I get so many great greens and fruits in one glass. I'm loving the Lara Bars (made of fruits and nuts). I have one for a snack most days. Yogurt dressing is also a new fave. 35-45 cals per 2 TSP. It's not bad. Of course, I'd prefer ranch or Caesar, but I'd also prefer not to eat myself to death. If you buy it, just be dillegent about checking the dates. It doesn't have the shelf life of a normal dressing (a good sign). Often, I make a simple romaine salad (usually just a couple handfuls from a bag) and eat with lunch and or/dinner. Again, it helps to keep me full and "regular." I don't stress too much about what I'm eating with it, as long as I keep the portions small and have that salad. Anyway, I thought I'd pass along a couple of tips that have been helping me. I'd love to hear any of your tips as well.
I should get going. I'm looking forward to sitting in the dark and quiet for 15 minutes. I rarely get that, and it's what I've been needing.
Oh, as I pulled into work this morning, "I Want Your Sex" came on the radio. I soooo love the beg. of that song. I was so pissed I had to get out of my car. Stupid work. Anyway, the lyrics are still brilliant, even in a song like this. God love George Michael. Enjoy.
Happy Weekend and go Seahawks!
~Jen
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